My Mother

[Tablesandchairs23]

I have a strained relationship with my mother. I didnt live with her growing up as she left when I was 9 and I lived with my Aunty. My stepdad passed away 2 years ago. I find all my conversations with her negative and draining. She's always moaning about not seeing me or sister often. She doesn't live locally. I work 60 hours a week over 7 days. Im hardly having a great social life! Any tips on how to deal with her.

No contact. Let her reap what she sewed. You owe her zero of anything. This will only get worse as she gets older.

I’d make about as much time for her as she did for me when she decided to check out of being a parent to her child. Seriously, I don’t know her backstory and why she did that but she’s got some neck on her to complain you don’t make enough time for her.

Decide an amount of contact you are comfortable with and how long that contact lasts, don’t let her dictate. When she moans just say that’s sad for you and move the conversation on.
it’s her responsibility you have the relationship you do not yours.

She lost all rights to any effort or care/support from you when she abandoned you as a child.

She obviously feels no remorse and thinks that it is her right to have a relationship with you and your children after what she has done. She deserves nothing from you. It might be easier for you to just completely cut her out of your life.

I wouldn't like to judge your mother without knowing the reasons why she left and why she didn't keep on contact with you. But her actions must have had a deep effect on you and it doesn't sound as though she has much understanding of this.

If contact with her now is so negative and you would feel better having no contact then I would consider doing that.

Otherwise , as pp suggested, it should be you who decides what time, and in what way, you can are able to devote to her. She doesn't have the right to make demands and expectations of you.