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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pick up DS frmo party

37 replies

ThatLimeNewt · 05/12/2025 22:10

DS16 is going to an event/rave in central London over his break from school. The event will last from 4-9pm. He's insisting he wants to return home by himself and doesn't want it get picked up from the venue (there is a direct train). Is it uncommon for teens to not want to be picked up. AIBU to refuse to let him go unless I can pick him up?

OP posts:
Thehop · 05/12/2025 22:12

os he going with friends you know?

cpuld he walk round the corner to a meeting point nearby so you can collect him but he doesn't look like you are or is the train travel a group thing he wants to join in with?

sprigatito · 05/12/2025 22:12

I’d let him get the train back at 16, if he’s sensible. Mine were travelling all over the country by train at that age, and he’ll have his phone if you need to check in.

Schoolchoicesucks · 05/12/2025 22:20

Will he be with friends? I'd let mine travel with friends on a direct train or uber on my account. I wouldn't want to drive into central London at 9pm over holidays. And it would be bonkers for me to get a train in to meet him (if a distance from the train at home end would pick him up in the car from the station).

titchy · 05/12/2025 23:19

Fuck me if your 16 year old can’t manage to get a train from central London at the busiest time of year (assuming you’re the OP who posted before about how dangerous it would be for him to go to a teen disco in Bermondsey) you’ve massively failed.

LighthouseLED · 05/12/2025 23:23

Why on earth would you want to drive into central London when there is a perfectly usable train?

16 is plenty old enough unless there’s an epic drip feed coming, and 9pm is really not that late for travelling home from London.

frecklejuice · 05/12/2025 23:24

Is it under 18’s night at Ministry? If so he’ll be fine, there are so many kids walking to different stations after it and stopping for food. My son went regularly (17 now so feels a bit too old) but never had any problems.

titchy · 05/12/2025 23:35

frecklejuice · 05/12/2025 23:24

Is it under 18’s night at Ministry? If so he’ll be fine, there are so many kids walking to different stations after it and stopping for food. My son went regularly (17 now so feels a bit too old) but never had any problems.

Yes it is apparently.

NuffSaidSam · 05/12/2025 23:43

A 16 year old can get a train home at 9pm!

TheSmallAssassin · 05/12/2025 23:59

No, it isn't uncommon for teenagers to not want to be picked up by their parents at 9pm, they would probably die of embarrassment.

Gone midnight and "Can you give my friends a lift home too?" is an entirely different matter though.

HonoriaBulstrode · 06/12/2025 00:04

You would be VVVV unreasonable to stop him going if he won't agree to being picked up.

And don't necessarily expect him to come straight home; if he's with friends, they'll probably want to go and get something to eat. There'll be loads of places open at 9pm.

Stompythedinosaur · 06/12/2025 00:05

Let him get the train! Why on earth not? He's 16!

Fends · 06/12/2025 00:15

Eh? Why can’t he get a train?

Proudestmumofone1 · 06/12/2025 00:16

Looking at your previous threads, your 16 year old needs some freedom!! the number of posts asking very basic questions is odd - you were a teenager once too?!

He is going to push back big time if getting home at 9pm, wearing a black tracksuit or even going to a disco in the daytime is so concerning for you. Let him breathe.

And, He is a literal genius dressing up as a builder to buy vodka…. Actually rather annoyed at myself I never came up with such a brilliant plan at 16. That boy is going far!!!!

waterrat · 06/12/2025 00:27

I grew up in London and was travelling home from parties and raves much later than that at 16...and that was pre phone !

Rosealea · 06/12/2025 00:52

100%. He has to be collected by you, end of story. He's far too young to be out on his own like that so it has to be non negotiable

CandyCayne · 06/12/2025 00:54

Rosealea · 06/12/2025 00:52

100%. He has to be collected by you, end of story. He's far too young to be out on his own like that so it has to be non negotiable

Not quite sure if you're being sarcastic or serious? 🤣🤣

OP, let him travel on the train.

Did you start a previous thread about this rave by the way?

NewCushions · 06/12/2025 00:54

Direct train at 9pm seems like an okay option to me for a 16 year old. DS is 14 and I wouldn't allow it, but I have already started allowing more flexibility on public transport so I can easily see that he COULD do this by the time he's 16, especially if he's with friends.

clary · 06/12/2025 07:03

Rosealea · 06/12/2025 00:52

100%. He has to be collected by you, end of story. He's far too young to be out on his own like that so it has to be non negotiable

I’m going to assume you are being sarcastic here @Rosealea .

And @NewCushions – do you seriously not allow your 14yo to use public transport? You do know I hope that many many 11yos negotiate the trip to secondary school in London on the tube on a daily.

@ThatLimeNewt your DS getting the train home is fine, honestly.

BendingSpoons · 06/12/2025 07:43

Let him get the train home. Give him a curfew when he needs to be home by and tell him he absolutely must stay in contact if they do anything after e.g. go to McDs. If the rave finishes at 9pm, there's likely to be quite a few people around, plus it's still early. Is he going from Elephant & Castle Station or one of the mainline stations?

BendingSpoons · 06/12/2025 07:46

Rosealea · 06/12/2025 00:52

100%. He has to be collected by you, end of story. He's far too young to be out on his own like that so it has to be non negotiable

I'm going to assume from this post you don't live in London or any big city with lots of transport, where many are getting tubes, trains and buses from 11 to go to school. Admittedly this is in the evening, but he is 16 now.

Slothey · 06/12/2025 07:53

He’ll be fine. They all seem to end up in a big crowd in the Nando’s at E&C. I see them as I go past, on my very normal, uneventful journey home.

chocolate08 · 06/12/2025 08:24

A 9pm journey for a 16 year old with a group of friends is absolutely fine. Maybe you could collect him from your horne station if there's a journey home from there? He'll gradually ask for more and more independence and it's perfectly normal. Make sure he plans his route and get him to text when he's on the train? You have to let go and you have to let him experience life safely :)

Octavia64 · 06/12/2025 08:32

Christ I wouldn’t drive in to central London for love nor money and certainly not to pick up a 16 year old.

Ddakji · 06/12/2025 08:34

Are you the same poster who was fretting about this rave a couple of weeks ago? At the Ministry of Sound?

I absolutely wouldn’t drive in even if he wanted you to, it’ll be a total nightmare. Just let him get the train.

Bushmillsbabe · 06/12/2025 08:35

I think 9pm is fine as long as he is with mates who are vaguely sensible. I was out until midnight at that age, which looking back shocks me as my parents are very middle class conservative. But I had clear rules - 1 alcoholic drink max, if I ever was even vaguely drunk no more going out and I told them where I was going and stayed there or told them if going somewhere else.

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