To be incredibly frustrated with my friend

[almostalways]

I have a friend who lives relatively local, we are close, meet up often and have a wonderful relationship. However this week he has managed to really frustrate me.

On Wednesday we had plans to meet up at 6, I messaged at 5:30 asking if all was good and he told me he had gone to drinks after a work event and would message soon. I assumed drinks were still on, didn’t pester just assumed they’d be delayed. He calls at 7pm while walking home and I asked if we were still meeting up, he said oh I assumed when I told you I was at work drinks the plans were off. Okay fine whatever it happens.
Last night same situation, planned for drinks, this time at 8 as he was meeting someone else for 1 or 2 drinks before hand straight after work. I offered to travel into the city centre to meet him for these. Limited communication until almost 8pm exactly by which point I was already half way into town and he told me his other friend wanted another one or two as he hadn’t communicated to this friend that he had plans for after. I said okay I’ll just head home as I don’t want to wait around.
He called this morning super apologetic asking to make plans for this evening, once again I said fine, I got home at 3 and had some things to do, he told me he was going for a drink or 2 with a flat mate but would still be free at 6. I message at 6 asking if he was still out and he said yes, I said okay do you want to cancel tonight, he said no I can still do later.
I messaged again at 7:30 asking if he had a time in mind and he replied “still out, going to be a late one I think”. I have asked if that means he is cancelling again (It clearly does id just like him to actually communicate that).

AIBU to be extremely frustrated? He has a habit of being a bit distractible but never to this extent. I can’t help but feel like he has absolutely no respect for my time.

Appalling behaviour.

I wouldn’t be making any plans with him anytime soon.

He's not your friend. You shouldn't be his friend either.

It’s strange though as this would never normally happen to this extent. He can be a poor communicator but never have I experienced him being so disrespectful and frankly rude in my opinion.

He either doesn't want to meet up with you and is too spineless to just say that you're not really his friend anymore or he enjoys you running around after him / wanting to see him even when he repeatedly lets you down.

I voted that you are being unreasonable as you let him do this to you three bloody nights in a row !!!!!

And you don’t even seem to be that angry, just a bit peeved.

You need to be much, much less available to this man. Stop prioritising him when you are clearly only a fall back option.

Find other friends to go out with. Ones that value and respect you.

Personally I don’t think I’d ever be prepared to meet this one again.

So tell him this. A decent friend would say, come join us at xx bar. Not let you travel into a town/city and then flunk you off.

It’s no excuse but does he have a problem with alcohol?

I have expressed to him before in lesser situations that he doesn’t massively respect my time and needs to communicate more effectively (he uses a lot of vague terms which lead to misunderstanding or me having to clarify). He always claims he will do better, does better for a short while then falls into old habits.

Not really, he just completed a large exam related to his career so is catching up with people he hasn’t seen in 6 months. He is awful at saying no to another drink though, he will never be the person to wrap the night up.

Think I’d be inclined to reply with ‘You’ve messsed me around the last three nights FFS. Let’s catch up in the New Year, you’re clearly busy every night and I can’t spend another night this week playing ‘is Pete prepared to meet or will something better come along’.

Why do you put up with this shit?

I don’t understand this.

Why didn’t you just go and meet him where he was already drinking?

In any case, you aren’t his priority so I wouldn’t make him mine.

I wouldn’t be bothering to make plans with him again. He’s shown you how unimportant and forgetful you are to him.

He must have excellent chat for you to persevere with this one. I simply wouldn’t bother.

TBH OP, and kindly, I think that you think more of this friendship than he does.

He didn’t invite me, the friend last night was related to work. Tonight he hasn’t even replied to me asking if he is cancelling let alone thought to ask me to join.

He is using you as a plan B option in case his preferred plan falls though. I’d say to him what @Moveoverdarlin said.

He sounds like a right old alkie. Tbh I'd have not contacted him after the first let down and would be increasingly elusive each time after that, to the point he'd have to come grovelling for me even to respond to him.

He's taking you for a mug and you're letting him.

Seems to drink a hell of a lot!

There's no excuse for poor communication in this day and age. It's not like he needs to send a telegram or carrier pigeon.

If he knew his plans had changed, he should've been the one contacting YOU and apologising profusely.

Please tell us you’re not sleeping with him, OP. He’s not your friend; he just uses you when there’s nothing better to do.

This is a 3 month old thread.

I guess the OP has resolved it.

Where do these zombie threads come from? Do people trawl back through 100s of pages?