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Original poster

To be annoyed at ex & to think this isn't my problem ?

21 replies

santafann · 05/12/2025 14:53

Basically my ex and the child of my father has asked me for some money to pay for some trainers for his 22 year old nephew who has just been released from prison.

My ex was recently laid off about 3 weeks ago and hasn't been working but prior to that he has always paid me maintenance for the kids.

I am abit annoyed as last few days he has been running around after his nephew.
Collecting him from prison yesterday with his brother (his nephews dad).
Buying him clothes and giving him money

He was supposed to see DC kids today but instead has gone to see his nephew and called me to see if I could lend him some money for the trainers as his nephew has hardly any clothes or trainers.

Im thinking well he has money for his nephew but hasn't paid me anything for weeks and I have been providing for the kids on my own and doing all of the childcare.

Surely his brother should be the one helping his own son and I'm not sure why he thinks I should be giving him money for his nephew when I have been the one holding the kids down for weeks without any money from him.

Surely he should be putting his own kids first?

I have been attempting to establish a regular visiting schedule with my ex but he is all over the place and comes for a few hours in my house and he thinks that's his contribution to childcare.

OP posts:
amber763 · 05/12/2025 14:56

Just tell him no, you dont have spare money as you're spending what you have on your own kids.

Fuckoffeasypeelers · 05/12/2025 14:56

Hard No!

Thundertoast · 05/12/2025 15:02

What a cheeky bastard. Also, how much is he asking for? You can buy a pair of trainers from a supermarket/primark etc for £20, he's seriously saying that between him and his brother they cant come up with £20 between them?

BernardButlersBra · 05/12/2025 15:03

Not your problem. Don't engage in a debate and don't pay

FartSock5000 · 05/12/2025 15:03

What an asshat.

His kids sound like his last priority. I'd send this "Ha ha! No!" and ignore him.

Get onto CMS if he's not paying. Hopefully they're garnish his wage or benefits.

Absolute clown that he is.

ForMyNextTrickIWillMakeThisVodkaDisappear · 05/12/2025 15:09

Cheeky cunt. No child support or time for his own kids but then has the audacity to ask you to pay for trainers for a 22 year old you’re not even related to. Has he had a blow to the head or something?

Silverbirchleaf · 05/12/2025 15:09

If he hasn’t been providing for you, then don’t give him any money. it’s especially cheeky as he was due to have the kids today, although I can understand he wants to support his brother and nephew today.

rainbowunicorn22 · 05/12/2025 15:10

if this nephew has no clothes tell him to contact the probation service he may have a named probation officer who will help him get clothes etc. local to us there was a group i worked for voluntary of course who people like the probation Women's Aid homeless charities etc would refer to us for shoes clothes bedding etc. it was all donated and we would sort it then help the person find what they needed. I would have thought probation would know of local places similar for clothes and of course i assume he will be claiming benefits. ]
no do not lend your ex anything. This nephew is not your concern. make it clear you are not happy he did not see the children either

Original poster
santafann · 05/12/2025 15:10

I suggested why dosent he try Asda and he scoffed that his nephew wanted Nike trainers!

Apparently his brother isn't answering his phone (he has already said he gets fed up of his kids always asking for money) hence why he asked my ex.

I am really annoyed at he seems to be prioritising a grown man over his own kids.

I am the one who has brought all the presents for DC, paid for days out, food etc these last few weeks and he has paid me nothing.

Instead of looking for work he will no doubt he parenting his nephew by the sounds of it.

OP posts:
Scared4Her · 05/12/2025 15:13

Basically my ex and the child of my father

Sorry, I had to read this three times wondering why your brother was your ex...

Fuckoffeasypeelers · 05/12/2025 15:15

santafann · 05/12/2025 15:10

I suggested why dosent he try Asda and he scoffed that his nephew wanted Nike trainers!

Apparently his brother isn't answering his phone (he has already said he gets fed up of his kids always asking for money) hence why he asked my ex.

I am really annoyed at he seems to be prioritising a grown man over his own kids.

I am the one who has brought all the presents for DC, paid for days out, food etc these last few weeks and he has paid me nothing.

Instead of looking for work he will no doubt he parenting his nephew by the sounds of it.

Stop getting dragged in
No

And leave it at that.

huuskymam · 05/12/2025 15:20

Tell him his kids also needs trainers and they're your priority just like they should be his.

bigboykitty · 05/12/2025 15:23

Your ex is a dickhead with appalling boundaries. I hate the phrase no is a complete sentence, but I think this would be a good time to use it

frozendaisy · 05/12/2025 15:24

You are perfectly reasonable to be annoyed.

So out of three grown men they can’t afford a pair of trainers between them! Honestly why do they think they are the stronger sex?

Just say no, however you want to say it but say it firmly.

And get on with your weekend whilst they figure out how to buy their son/nephew grown man some shoes.

willitevergetwarm · 05/12/2025 16:06

How long has he been in prison for? Don't prisoners get some money on release?
Hardly any clothes or trainers would indicate to me that he has some, but just wants new and your ex and is brother are pandering to him.
I'd wish them happy weekend and go and enjoy your children knowing that you, and only you, are giving them a good December

PashaMinaMio · 05/12/2025 16:14

NO!
Absolutely not.
Don’t explain, don’t get dragged into this.
Don’t respond to messages.
Keep out of it.

It all sounds very disrespectful and dysfunctional.
Pull yourself up out of this mire. Aim high in life.

Your kids deserve your help to strive, thrive and aspire to be more than an entitled Dad/Uncle and ne’er do well cousin.

outerspacepotato · 05/12/2025 16:22

WTF.

You're not his bank. It's right before Xmas. You have kids to feed and house and support.

What an idiot. Hitting up his ex for money because his nephew wants a pair of brand name sneaks.

I'd tell him to fuck the fuck off and only contact you about your shared children

TomatoSandwiches · 05/12/2025 16:30

Tell him you have no spare money because you are also covering his non payment towards his children.

Original poster
santafann · 05/12/2025 16:31

Yes he was given £150 from the prison and a brand new coat.

He was in prison for 2 years and is now on tag with a 7am - 7pm curfew.

I have just told him all my money goes on our kids and I haven't got any money for a grown man.

OP posts:
ldnmusic87 · 05/12/2025 16:39

This is madness, can't provide for his own children.

BillieWiper · 05/12/2025 16:47

As if you'd buy expensive (you know he won't accept Temu ones for a fiver) trainers for a random stranger who's just been in prison?!

He's a knob. Tell him no and if he ever asks for money for any reason again you'll stop all comms bar essential logistics re children.

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