Do you tidy your 11 year olds bedroom?

[AstarionsDarkUrge]

Just a little poll to clear up an argument!

Yabu - no they are old enough to do this themselves
yanbu - I tidy it for them they are still little

She’s 13 now and has mainly done her own for the last few years but occasionally I will help her out.

Third option: I stand over her and direct as she complainingly does the very basics

She is expected to do the day to day but deep clean and tidying is my job, she's very sentimental and hoards everything. My son would have just thrown everything out.

Nope

Although I did change beds

The truth is somewhere between.

I help, at least sometimes.

My AuDHD daughter has severe mental health problems and really struggles with the pressure of school life. Homework and chores have been cancelled while she navigates this phase. I figure it's the least I can do to ease her stress, there's no value in coming down hard on her at the end of an awful school day when she's already in bits.

This!
Children need to be taught / trained / incentivised to take care of and tidy away their own stuff. It’s part of learning responsibility and it should be an ongoing process.

At 11 they should be doing it themselves IMO, with parents perhaps doing the cleaning e.g. hoovering and changing the bedsheets.

Son is 8 and daughter is 10 and they both do their own rooms. Part of the routine after school is a 10-minute room tidy. They don't have to do a full ten minutes if less than that gets it tidy. They have a list that they have to work down through so that they know exactly what to do e.g 1 dirty clothes into laundry 2. put books on bookshelf etc etc. When I hoover the house each week I leave the Hoover out and part of their 10-minute room tidy that day is to hoover their rooms. I do their laundry and fold it and it's up to them to put it away properly. I change their bedding but they have to help (both have high sleepers).

On the rare occasion when their rooms get out of hand and get messy I'll help them in the sense of guiding them as to what needs to be done but won't actually do it for them

No - ds(11) cleans, tidies and changes bedding. But every now and then I can see he needs some help just to have a good sort out - so we put some music on and go through clothes (what still fits) books/games (what he is still interested in) plus the tat that 11yr olds seem to accumulate. But I let him take the lead.

DD is 12 and mostly tidies her own (an expectation for receiving pocket money)
She’s expected to keep her room tidy and clean (not perfectly so), put her dirty clothes in her washing basket and her clean clothes away.
if she’s got a lot on at school, etc and I have time, I’m happy to pop in and tidy up a bit, but mostly it’s her responsibility and it’s been this way for a couple of years

I don't tidy my 4 year old's bedroom! If he can't keep it tidy things get removed.
He always does. Needs reminding but he does.

dust yes. I spray and he wipes. Loves it, turns it into a game. No to the vacuum, it's too heavy.
But the question isn't about cleaning, it's tidying.

I or DH put the new duvet on as that would be too big for him. But he helps pull the old one off. Grab one end - go on puuuuuulllll and puts it in the laundry.
Yup 4 year olds can be very untidy. But we have tidy up music and he soon puts stuff away.

This

<sigh>

My DS tidies his room at the weekend, i never help him with the tidying but sometimes if he’s had a long week he might need a reminder to check under the bed/put books away/pick clothes up off the floor. I usually take the bedding off but he helps put it back on, but on reflection I’m probably going to give him these jobs to do from now on. Or at least teach him so he can then do it properly. He dusts and hoovers although I have to hover over him to make sure he does it properly. I’d never dream of doing it for him, it’s def something kids need to learn re looking after their things and being responsible for the tidiness of their room.

My daughter is 12, No I don't. She does it herself, I tell her what to do if there's anything she's missed or show her how to do it and let her take over.

Mine did their own at that age. I would help with a proper "clear out" every 6 months/year. They started helping keep things tidy as toddlers, I'd say they were pretty self sufficient by 8 or 9

If it's very messy an 11 year old probably still needs guidance. That doesn't mean do it for her but verbally break the task down:

First pick up all the books and put them back on the shelf tidily.

Good.

Now pick up all the pens/ pencils/ felt tips and put them in the desk drawer.

Mmhmm.

Now all the paper - look at it and put the rubbish in the bin/ pile for recycling and things to keep in a pile on your desk.

Good.

Break to take recycling outside/ empty bedroom bin/ get a glass of water.

Ok now we're onto clothes, first pick up anything on the floor and if it's clean put ot on the bed, if it's dirty take it to the wash basket...

and so on.

Obviously if it's tidied daily it won't need that, but most people's reality is different. Even a lot of adults get overwhelmed by being given big tasks they theoretically can do, but if the task looks huge they don't know where to start... That's where the parents come in for an eleven year old, not doing it for the child, but guidance...

I have a 12 and 13 year old. To be fair their rooms are always pretty tidy, and they will tidy up. They do make their own beds, but I tend to remake them as they're not to my standard, but they really don't need to be remade, thats just me being fussy. I dust their bedrooms and clean the windows and the cleaner vacuums the carpets.