To thinkmits a bit crazy thst 9 month old babies are in nursery for 30 hours when a parent is ionly working 16 hours

[OrangeCatKitten]

OK far enough the parents wants some free time, do I csn see why a bit of that can be good for all,
but if your only working two days why would you want to be apart from a little baby that long? Just because its free

I mean toddlers I can understand more wanting to get away from the unreasonable ways of toddlers, but I just find this so sad and worrying for the future

I can see this inthe future.....baby's collected by the government after birth, geld in huge warehouses, they call nursery, next door is another warehouse where all the sick and disabled go then next-door to thst another warehouse for the elderly

Just seems so sad

My children used to go to nursery on my day off in the week. Partly because they did better when in a routine, partly because I had no family or friends to help so it was my only chance to do things as an adult without the kids (dentist and doctors and other appointments etc) and partly because I needed a break that 6 hours a week was the only time I wasn’t either in work or with my kids.

I agree completely. Why have a child if you're going to give it to random strangers to bring up. It's awful

😂

If they are bringing up a child, how are they random strangers? Both things can't be true.

I agree, the problem is we've been sold this as if its the perfect solution for everyone.

My parents didn't have a choice, no mat leave and no childcare so left work to have kids and didn't return until we were older.

My generation (im in my late 40s)were told we could have it all!
That wasn't exactly true though. We actually HAVE to work the equivalent of 40 yrs full-time to get a full work pension.
Childcare ended up costing us pretty much everything we earned so we've had to balance income, future pension, being a parent and running a home all at the same time.
The government have actually listened to women saying that the lack of affordable childcare is a huge barrier to work and career progression so now we have funded childcare.
Its fantastic on paper, makes perfect sense and solves all our problems and gers more people in work, paying tax and ni etc.

BUT Like op said, we will end up with a generation that have been in some kind of group/facility/institution pretty much full time for as long as they can remember.
It should be a choice but its really not, we have to work.
The cost to us is missing your child's first steps, sentences, lost teeth, new experiences, everyday bonding etc..
the cost to our kids is the confidence and emotional stability that comes from strong parental bonding. There is no way that group setting childcare offers the same emotionally supportive environment for our children as we offer. At a time when society is aware that we're losing human connection and mental health is suffering as a result we really should be considering whether we're actually making that worse for future generations.
We put our daughter in childcare 2 long days a week at 9 months old when I went back to work. I will never forget her telling me that sometimes she felt all "onesy" it took us a while to figure out she actually meant lonely. She was 19 months old and we talked with her about it, she told us sometimes boys and girls cry a lot but the ladies say mammys have to go to work to earn the pennies. It broke my heart that some of the kids were there 7.30 - 6pm 5 days a week 😭😢

Thanks for putting into words how I feel better than I can, this is just what i feel indeed and it’s genuinely worries me for future generations

There is no amount of money in this world someone could give me to send my child to a nursery. I absolutely hate them. However, even I am quite certain that when it comes to a 9 month old baby, it would have to be an extremely rare case for someone to be doing what you're talking about.

Eventually nursery will be viewed in the same way as boarding schools are now. Of course parents will defend using them now, they have no real choice, once you are on the treadmill of work/ rent/mortgage as it is at this point in our society, social conditioning ensures we think its best for children.
No 9 month old is developed enough to understand mummy/ daddy needs to pay an extortionately priced rent/ mortgage so they are being 'looked after' by unrelated person. They don't know mummy will be back to collect them at 5pm.
Some kids will be fine, others won't, exactly like boarding was fine for some and not for others.

Do we have an idea of what the perfect childhood is,that we should be aiming for? It seems to me everything is a bit of a compromise - we value spending time with children, but also find it important to be financially independent - both for the actual money and setting an example. We want to do enriching activities with them, but also maintain a semi clean house.

Apparently now we spend more time with our children than previous generations, even while working. https://news.uci.edu/2016/09/28/todays-parents-spend-more-time-with-their-kids-than-moms-and-dads-did-50-years-ago/

This makes sense to me - parenting seems much more active these days, we are very child focussed. Jury is out on whether or not that is better , but accusing us as a generation of stepping back from our children doesn't seem accurate.

My grandmother had 4 kids, and while none of them went to nursery - I am not sure how much enriching, quality binding time they got to spend with her - she had a mangle, no dishwasher, a husband who worked away, limited funds - her life was exceptionally busy just with the daily businesses of life! The children were expected to be much more independent earlier, walking to school from 4. Society has changed. If I sent my 4yo down to the shops, is have social services called on me

Quite a jump there OP! Things ok with you?
The vast majority of mothers put their kids in to cover work and otherwise have them at home. I dare say the mums who utilise every extra minute even when off need the time either as they aren’t coping or aren’t being brilliant parents on their days off and therefore the child is better being off in childcare if decent quality.

Surely people who comment stuff like that can see that a child going to nursery for a few hours a day is not ‘being bought up by strangers’. Behave!

Children under one in nursery is insanity I agree, my own mother never had a job until my youngest sibling started secondary school, no she was not “privileged “ married to a rich man or whatever I can hear someone getting ready to say in fact my parents divorced when I was about 5. She prioritised time with us over material things. My other half’s mother was the polar opposite at work 24/7, never there for her kids and now they don’t really bother with her much

Under 1 is ‘insanity’ but being unemployed until your youngest in secondary school is idllyic?

People need to work, and most people would rather work than hang around at home and not have financial independence.

What a bizarre thread this is, honestly, who really cares what other people do for their own families?

If you can come back and reply to that then you can come back and explaine you’re government warehouse babble

How about the children who do 9 hours a day, 5 days a week?

This is not quite how funded hours work. Most nurseries are open 10-11 hours a day, and most will charge for a full day (yes, some might do half days but you can’t always choose). My DS is never there more than 6 hours because I do part time hours, but still having him in nursery for 2 days already uses up 22 of the 30 hours. Then nurseries often stretch funded hours across the year, so you won’t get more than 2 days per week for free. This matches the 16 hours per week you need to work. And TBH although most people don’t like sending their children to nursery, I do think it’s good for women to get support with going back to work.

It’s childcare not adoption. 🤣🤣🤣

What's so funny? If your children spend the majority of their waking hours under the care of someone else, you must surely agree that they are being raised by those people too.

Get a grip and mind your own business. Mine were in nurseries 2 days a week from 6 months and I wasn't working at all! It wasn't a free service though, I paid for it.

What’s so funny? The hyperbole. It’s hilarious.

either that or some folk are really dim.

Yabu. 30 hrs is term time only so most al-year-round nurseries allow parents to take it as 22.5 hrs per week, but that's the maximum the gov't will fund, there's no obligation for a parent to use all of it if they want to pick up early. There's no automatic right to work exactly 16 hours a week across 2 days, that's just the minimum. Some might be working 4x 4 hour shifts on 4 different days a 45 minute commute away from nursery so actually need 22hrs to cover that. The rules are there to ensure most reasonable decisions can be supported, without nitpicking authoritarianism to approve or disapprove of each family's choices. Keep your nose out of other people's decisions and stop being so judgemental.

So mum works 2 days, child is in nursery 3 days and mum gets a day off?
Sounds perfect to me.

I feel this so much! I think I'm going to book maybe 2 days in the new year to do similar. Our house is giving me palpitations it's that awful 😔 we don't have any family that ever take our kids out or anything like that and our youngest also is a horrendous sleeper. Also no money for a cleaner. I know my mental health would be better if I took some time to sort some of it.

Bit of a leap.

30 hours is 3 nursery days a week. In this scenario maybe Mum works 2 of them (8 hours a day). On the third day maybe she uses the time to do all the housework/shopping etc and maybe have a few hours breather- a coffee with a friend or something. The other 4 days baby is with mum (or/and dad). This works well because mum has been able to work, get up to date on housework and have a bit of time for her own mental health and full attention can be given to baby on the other 4 days.

mine went to nursery from 9 months for 3 days a week when I worked. It has done them no harm. I did pick an excellent nursery though with so much outdoor learning. My youngest was so upset during Covid when she couldn’t go.

I don’t think we will end up with warehouses next door to each other….

It’s a bit of an extreme example yes but everyone I know who had both parents working full time throughout their childhood is maladjusted. You remember the crazy parties at that other kids house as a teen? When we did things we really shouldn’t have been doing? Always that kid whose parents were never in because they were at work 24/7. Why have kids just to never be around them?