Friends comments annoying me.

[PollyBurns994]

I’ve got a friend who’s constantly on a weight loss journey, she’s done slimming world, the jabs, keto- but currently (in her own words) sitting around 20 stone. She’s waiting for surgery. This is fine, I’m supportive of her and we talk about it a lot as she brings it up a lot. I’m always complimenting her because I think she’s beautiful, and to me she is.

However, she’s giving me a bit of a complex. I’m around 10.7 stone, 5ft 6, could be slimmer I guess but happy around the size 12 mark. BMI is ok. I like having a bit of boobs and bum. My friend though whenever she talks about her own weight now keeps saying “oh well bigger girls like us” “big girls like me and you” “people who are bigger like us” and it’s really starting to bother me. I don’t know how to approach it to her though? I just never felt really like a big person and now I feel a bit meh, she brings it up in most conversations as many are about her weight or dieting.

I’ve also noticed I compliment her a lot, say her nails are nice, hair is nice if she shows me but never get anything back. If I say get my hair done and show her, she’ll change the subject. If something nice happens for me, she’ll find a way to bring it back to her.

She knows you are not the same as she is. She just feels better if she says it that way. She knows.

The only way to address this is to outright state it: I don't see myself as a "bigger girl" and I don't appreciate you calling me that. You're free to call yourself whatever you want, but please don't label me.

Well if the jabs haven't worked I'll bet within 2 years of surgery she'll be piling the weight baxk on...anyway.

Im the same height as you and would be pleased to be your weight. She's off her box if she thinks you're physically alike in any way.

She's leeching off you, OP. She is an energy vampire.

Steer clear.

This is entirely about how she feels about herself, not how she sees you, and it’s definitely not about the reality of your perfectly healthy size.

You could pull her up on it, but she sounds like the sort of person who would turn it into a huge drama and would tell everyone she knows how horrible you were to her.

I wouldn't call her a friend OP! She sounds like a work colleague that offered me her larger sized clothes when she lost weight on jabs. I too would call her out for being so rude.

Stop with all the compliments - you are both focussing way too much on appearance.

Christ! Did you pull your "generous" colleague up on it? What happened?

I had a friend like this when I was at school. I was under 8.5 stone and she was at a guess probably about 13.5. She was constantly going on about us having to be careful what we ate all the time. It used to drive me mad. Years later when I was pregnant she said it was great because I finally looked fat. Just call her out on it op otherwise she’ll carry on and eventually you’ll snap (like I did).

Also, did she really try the jabs? Or is she stuck in some sort of helplessness complex?

And btw OP, nobody can give yourself a complex but you.

She might have weight blindness, I did , it's just being in heavy denial about how big you actually are. I know when I was at my biggest I still thought I looked like I did when I was a size 12-14, and if I was out with a mate who was that size I'd think we probably looked about the same. It was only looking at pictures of us where I realised how much bigger I was.

She's probably not doing it on purpose to make you feel bad. Don't let it give you a complex!

I'd join in. "Big girls like us" I bet you she stops as soon as she hears it applied to her because she's obviously hung up on it.

Fwiw it's common for people to do this. I have a friend who is about 6 inches shorter and 2 stone heavier who is convinced we wear the same size 🙊

YANBU, how annoying! As pps have said, she knows she is much bigger than you, she's just gaslighting herself! (To try and make herself feel better about her size...)

Puts me in mind of a couple of women I know who talk about 'people of our generation/our age' and they're at least 15 years older than me. (I'm in my late 50s.) I just think 'LOL fuck off Linda, I'm nowhere near 73!' 😆 Again, people trying to deny the facts.

I’m around the same height and weight and don’t consider myself a big girl at all. I start looking a bit chunkier than I’d like to when I get nearer 11st.

She’s projecting her issues onto you to make herself feel better.

Lend her your jeans OP

👏