To be annoyed DH is tracking his sister's pregnancy

[lizzidripping]

I am due to give birth in January. DH keeps forgetting the due date and doesn't know what week of the pregnancy I'm on.

His sister is due to give birth a few months later and he's put a weekly event in mine and his shared calendar.

This is our second pregnancy but does it mean you should be this level of checked out
.. I can guarantee you he doesn't even know what day of the week ours even falls on to put this pregnancy in a calendar.

When I was pregnant with our first his sister barely paid any attention and I think visited DD maybe 3 times ever since she's been born (she is now nearly 3).

Relevant backstory - when we dated and got married DH'a sister was always a bit rude and difficult with me. Examples include letting herself in to our home with a spare key she had and refusing to give it back, stripping down to her underwear in front of people at our wedding (she wasn't drunk), inviting herself over and then not showing up without saying anything, crying at family events that she pressured DH and I to host (ie. in our home) and making a scene in general. For the record, I am always polite and kind and don't rise to the drama.

AIBU to feel annoyed DH is putting this much importance on his sister's pregnancy?8

I mean my best mate is tracking my pregnancy so I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to track their siblings. However I think you are likely not so much upset that he's tracking her pregnancy, but more the lack of interest in yours in comparison as he should be more interested in his own child.

Going purely off your last part of your latest post - You get the impression he wants more of a relationship with her.

Perhaps given she didn't even tell him about it herself he feels jarred by this, and by tracking her pregnancy and being able to relate to her, showing he does know something about her (especially as you've said she shares very little) this is actually an attempt to improve their relationship? Now they will both have children in common.

She sounds unhinged and he indulges her!

Is no one else curious about the sober underwear parade at your wedding? Wtf? How did he forgive her for that eposide?

Yes, I was but didn't like to ask!
It would have been more "acceptable" if she was steaming drunk at the time methinks.

Your biggest rows have been about her, but then you say your she and your DH aren't that close anyway - so what have the rows really been about?

And what went on at your wedding?!

You could just add your pregnancy dates into your shared calendar.

I want to hear more about the wedding story (misses point entirely....)

He didn't see it and nor did I. It was something I found out from other people (the photographer, my sister and a friend all told me separately from each other) and I also didn't tell him about it for ages. I don't ever really know how to approach the subject of his sister doing things that bother me. I feel like I want him to see my point of view and understand why it wasnt ok but he will usually be defensive and so I agonise a bit about how to communicate it and to not get emotional or get my wording right. My deepest darkest feelings about her is that she wants a reaction from me, she is actually as cool as a cucumber, doesn't give a toss about what I think about her and will do what she she wants if she thinks I'll find it annoying. Eg. Most recently at DD's birthday party she collected all the giftbags to take home with her and I had to ask if she could leave it because they were for the kids. Like she just wants to put me in an awkward spot.

I suppose the longer we've been married the more I've realised how little she actually interacts with him. In the beginning there were lots of interactions of her being difficult and I suppose maybe I projected their relationship was like me and my siblings (we speak most days of the week) and I was imagining if they were like that, and each time she was so awkward then that would make married life tough. It felt like she was a troublemaker.

So as time has progressed I've learned to let go what she does because we do see her so rarely. For example, now we've been married this long it feels really uncharacteristic of her to want to come over. Whereas when we first married she was doing it a fair bit. Or would say she was coming and not turn up. I'd always be welcoming/cook in preparation etc. She was iffy and I thought if she saw I was nice, she'd be nicer. Maybe that's what's happened as time has progressed or she was just being difficult intentionally ... I don't know

Im sorry WHAT???

Most recently at DD's birthday party she collected all the giftbags to take home with her

Can you explain more?
She took multiple childrens party bags???
What did she say????

Have you commented on it? What did he say?

When I asked about it she said she wanted to take them for her friends if we weren't doing anything with them. I said we were and they were for the kids. Her friends are all late 30s/early 40s and have no kids. This is what I mean when I say she's difficult/stressful.

Not yet, DH is still doing bedtime

The only man that is remotely interested in the progress of a pregnancy, week number etc is the babies father.

Ok well DH is definitely not that 🤣😳

Can I have some advice on what to say... I do find it annoying what he's done but I don't want to come across (yet again) as "stop taking her side"

I've deleted myself off the shared invite so I'll probably tell him that. And say why he hasn't done it for ours or tracked ours at all...And then be a bit pass agg and put ours in our shared calendar.

Honestly I'd ask for marriage counselling.. .
This isnt going away

He probably feels caught between you two and like he needs to "pick a side". A good therapist can probably help you navigate this

Is the baby's father on the scene... if not I can see this escalating rapidly once her baby arrives

I wouldn’t be annoyed, I’d be grossed out! So creepy.

My DH probably wouldn’t have known how many weeks I was with any of them but he knew all three of their due dates. He definitely wasn’t more invested in his sister’s pregnancy than he was in mine. He showed the appropriate level of enthusiasm for his new nieces.

I’m annoyed just reading about this family, so I can’t imagine how you feel! I think chat to your DH about it. It might be that he knows his sister is a drama llama so wants to keep on top of anything she’ll think he should know (aka get furious at him if he doesn’t)? But he should know how it makes you feel and be more focused on your baby for sure!

Could it be that now your DC will have a baby cousin she'd like to be a bit more involved/closer?

This is the sort of thing I'd do for something I should be interested in but am not really.

So, in your DH's shoes I'd expect to be involved in your pregnancy everyday, I wouldn't need a reminder, but for Dsis I might need reminding to make the "required" amount of supportive noises iyswim.

This would track except:

DH keeps forgetting the due date and doesn't know what week of the pregnancy I'm on.

The whole dynamic seems odd to me. Her constant acting up around him yet at the same time shutting him out. His over investment in her pregnancy compared with yours. Their relationship seems...off? I think you probably need to good talk with your husband, starting with asking him why he's tracking her pregnancy and less interested in yours, then moving on to ask his take on her odd behaviour.

Does he need to know though? He needs to know key dates but does he need to keep count of the weeks?

Yeah of course it's annoying. If there's several pregnancies on the go, obviously his wife's should be priority.

But he doesn’t even know the due date! He keeps forgetting.