Page 2 | DH is driving me mad giving junk food to the kids

UPFoff · 2025-12-04T14:51:44+00:00

I am an average weight, fairly healthy eater and DH is not. He was a very overweight child who then shot up to really tall as an adult. He’s still overweight but he’s also very active and very muscular so carries it well. He has disordered eating, and will happily starve himself all day then eat junk at night. SD10 is overweight (98th centile) and it’s a constant battle to get her to exercise. I do most of the cooking here and she’ll eat whatever is served including salads and vegetables. She’s increasingly aware of her body and compares herself unfavourably to her smaller cousin. Despite all this, when DH puts a bowl of chocolate on front of her or takes her to McDonald’s, of course she eats it all! He definitely shows love through “treats.” Our DD, just turning two, is 91st centile. She’s active and healthy, and eats well, but I’m increasingly having arguments with DH about him sneaking her chocolate or juice. I just fear he’s setting them both up to be overweight when they’re older and it is infuriating. Am I fighting a losing battle because they’re destined to be big anyway? Any tips to get DH on side?

Bambamhoohoo · 04/12/2025 16:38

itsthetea · 04/12/2025 16:30

You are right to be concerned as it is patterns set in childhood that typically set the scene for life

your husband has disordered eating that affects his weight and will likely affect his life span and general health and he is passing that onto your children which is close to child abuse in my book

fat children become fat and unhealthy adults - you would not make a
child smoke or drink alcohol but feeding crap is somehow ok?

does he need help to at least understand his habits are wrong and bad ?

fat children become fat and unhealthy adults - you would not make a
child smoke or drink alcohol but feeding crap is somehow ok?

this is typical gen x/ millennial orthorexia talk. Deciding fat children are doomed for a life of obesity and illnesses is unfair and dramatic.

It is common for overweight children to lose weight and children now are very fitness and wellbeing focused, far more so than we were.

Eating junk is not ideal by any means but we are arrogant and wrong to think we are good teachers of the younger generation because out generation are TERRIBLE at health and wellbeing and unlikely to be able to reliably teach our kids anything but orthorexia, guilt and shame.

Bambamhoohoo · 04/12/2025 16:39

Whoevenarethey · 04/12/2025 16:37

Then this is where it becomes a DH problem. Have you properly spoken to him about the effects of poor diet and no exercise for SD?
Secondary school can be cruel. I always remember a boy coming up to me in DT, grabbing me round the waist and saying 'how fat are you?'. I wasn't even fat, just average. This memory has stayed with me though. I am someone who is not ever going to be thin (can't resist treats every time, don't exercise enough and actually just genetically take after other family members with a similar body shape). I think you need a word with DH about the impact though this could have on SD self esteem and that giving her these treats might be a temporary way to happiness but in the long term could lead to negative body image.

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Surely if it were that easy it would’ve been solved long ago? OPs DH has an eating disorder, you can’t just have a few words and job done

Original poster

UPFoff · 04/12/2025 16:42

Whoevenarethey · 04/12/2025 16:37

Then this is where it becomes a DH problem. Have you properly spoken to him about the effects of poor diet and no exercise for SD?
Secondary school can be cruel. I always remember a boy coming up to me in DT, grabbing me round the waist and saying 'how fat are you?'. I wasn't even fat, just average. This memory has stayed with me though. I am someone who is not ever going to be thin (can't resist treats every time, don't exercise enough and actually just genetically take after other family members with a similar body shape). I think you need a word with DH about the impact though this could have on SD self esteem and that giving her these treats might be a temporary way to happiness but in the long term could lead to negative body image.

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He’s aware because it all applies to him too. He hates his physique and is obese, he was bullied at school and he has a complete lack of confidence about his body.

I feel like it’s going to take him having a heart attack or something for him to change his behaviour.

OP posts:

MouldyCandy · 04/12/2025 17:22

I have this problem too, and no solution.
When I take DD to her swimming lesson we walk/scoot, and I take a water bottle and an orange as a snack. When DH takes her, they go by bus, have a drink/snack in the Leisure Centre cafe before the class and stop off at the corner shop on the way home.
When I prepare DD's lunch, it's homemade soup. When DH does it, it's "full of sugar" Heinz tomato soup. He thinks a Pot Noodle is an acceptable dinner.
I've tried talking to him about it. Nothing changes and I am concerned that DD is not a healthy weight.

Original poster

UPFoff · 04/12/2025 18:32

MouldyCandy · 04/12/2025 17:22

I have this problem too, and no solution.
When I take DD to her swimming lesson we walk/scoot, and I take a water bottle and an orange as a snack. When DH takes her, they go by bus, have a drink/snack in the Leisure Centre cafe before the class and stop off at the corner shop on the way home.
When I prepare DD's lunch, it's homemade soup. When DH does it, it's "full of sugar" Heinz tomato soup. He thinks a Pot Noodle is an acceptable dinner.
I've tried talking to him about it. Nothing changes and I am concerned that DD is not a healthy weight.

It’s the same kind of thing here. I’ll ask him to take them to the park, he’ll drive, and then he and SD will have a massive hot chocolate and some crisps, maybe go on the swings for ten minutes then drive home. Every activity involves food.

OP posts: