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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can I help my teen daughter lose weight

91 replies

Solentsolo · 04/12/2025 12:54

I have a 17 year old daughter who has put on a lot of weight recently and is not happy about it. She asked me to help lose weight. She eats lots of healthy, unprocessed food. It’s the volume of food that’s an issue, not what she’s eating. She has always been a hungry child.

Im struggling to help her. I could point out that the cheese she’s having with her jacket potato is calorific so maybe she should have less, and no one needs 4 weetabix for breakfast, or the constant grazing on fruit during the day etc. I don’t think pointing it out is helpful. It’s nagging and might give her a complex.

shes going to uni hopefully next summer and will be moving out. What can I say to her to help her see that this has to come from her? That I can support her but unless she tried to exert a bit more control over how often she eats and minds her portion size, she’s going to struggle? Any tips?

OP posts:
YellowCherry · 04/12/2025 14:24

Like other posters, I'd be a bit surprised if she's put on a lot of weight from eating weetabix, jacket potatoes and fruit, even if her portion sizes are big. Are you sure she's not snacking on sweets and processed food when you're not there? I have skinny teens and they regularly eat 4 weetabix in one sitting, loads of cheese etc.

Slinketypokey · 04/12/2025 14:24

I agree you following her round reminding her of good and bad food choices is a no-no. Definitely don't want to encourage disordered eating.

Could you set her up with a trainer who can help with a meal plan? An independent third party can help with just some pointers around things like fruit is still full of sugar so eating loads of it isn't a great plan, focussing on lean protein and veg etc. My trainer had me use an app, just for a week, to track everything that went into my gob. OMG it was a revelation. All those milky coffees, those little snacking apples and bananas, the odd biscuit, a piece of cheese here and there added to a 500 calorie a day surplus over the course of the week. NO WONDER I wasn't losing weight despite exercising loads.

If you can't figure out the trainer bit you could still help her with the app and make it just as an experiment for data. That way it's the app giving her factual info and not anything that can be thrown back in your face later.

Knowledge is power in these things.

YellowCherry · 04/12/2025 14:26

But @Slinketypokey you say you weren't losing weight, which is completely different from putting ON a lot of weight like the OP's DD. I think there's something else going on here.

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/12/2025 14:28

How overweight is she? I think my approach would be different for over a stone or under a stone overweight.

Newsenmum · 04/12/2025 14:29

Cheese isnt bad. She needs lots of protein. How overweight is she?
Feel awful even saying this but is she definitely not pregnant?

Original poster
Solentsolo · 04/12/2025 14:30

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/12/2025 14:28

How overweight is she? I think my approach would be different for over a stone or under a stone overweight.

she Could probably do with losing at least 5kg. She’s be much happier. I think the food diary for a few weeks might be good. We could sit down and have a look before deciding on next steps.

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 04/12/2025 14:31

And is she getting enough sleep?

ladyofshertonabbas · 04/12/2025 14:33

Get her into pulses? Filling, stabilise blood sugar and cheap= good for students. Start with a basic red lentil soup. It was be flavoured loads of different ways once she's mastered it. I can relate to her situation, pulses sorted me out. (If she gets into it, an Instant Pot would help her cook at uni).

SunnySideDeepDown · 04/12/2025 14:34

5kg isn’t much though. Let her be and figure it out on her own.

Slinketypokey · 04/12/2025 14:35

sprigatito · 04/12/2025 14:03

Yet another demonstration of how insane it is to ask for dietary advice on MN 🤯

She doesn’t need to start cutting out entire food groups, “low carbing”, inducing ketone poisoning or avoiding perfectly sensible nutritious foods like cheese, potatoes and pulses. She doesn’t need to calculate her TDEE or start counting every calorie at 17 either. It’s depressing to see once again how many MNers are firmly locked into a lifetime of toxic diet culture, and are happily setting their daughters on the same path.

Just support her to watch her portion sizes, make sure she’s drinking enough water and eating enough protein - and enough good food generally - to support her exercise and keep her satisfied so she doesn’t turn to junk food too often to fill a gap. She’s probably stopped growing and will even out over the next couple of years anyway.

Hmmmm. Well. Yes and no. Definitely some mental advice on here. But if someone is slowly gaining weight at this age, it just gets harder to lose it over time when habits are embedded, so I don't think a 'just ignore it and it'll sort itself out' method is necessarily best. Eating healthily and in balance is a great way to not get overweight in the first place. But once you're already there (as a person who has been!) you do have to do some hard yards in the form of a calorie deficit to get back to a place where just being sensible will do the job.

Obesity is a leading cause of ill health in the UK, so I'd see our helping our children not go on that path is just as important as helping them not to take up smoking or drugs or other damaging behavior.

Slinketypokey · 04/12/2025 14:39

YellowCherry · 04/12/2025 14:26

But @Slinketypokey you say you weren't losing weight, which is completely different from putting ON a lot of weight like the OP's DD. I think there's something else going on here.

Well if she tracks for a week or two she'd know. If she's genuinely not over consuming then there's data to go back to GP with. But conditions which cause weight gain are not medically super-common. Otherwise there would have been fat people coming out of POW camps.

Statistically far more likely the little extras here and there and bigger than needed portions are more likely the root cause as they are for most.

ICanSpellConfusionWithaK · 04/12/2025 14:41

Exercise is not the answer to weight loss

ive just lost 2 stone using my fitness pal. Calorie counting is the only way (and I have done all of the diets over the years. Ultimately that’s all that has worked).

edit: I realised I was eating far too much pasta, butter and cheese!

I eat 3 healthy meals a day plus snacks, such as poached egg and beans on toast, jacket potato with beans and coleslaw, vegetable chilli and rice with nachos. Snacks are usually chocolate. All weighed and counted and added to MFP. I’m now the slimmest I’ve been since before I was pregnant (size 8).

Newsenmum · 04/12/2025 14:41

Are you comfortable telling us her height and weight? Could be lots of muscle from so much sport?

Wishimaywishimight · 04/12/2025 14:42

She asked for your help so I think it would absolutely worth telling her that she is eating portions that are too big. 4 weetabix for breakfast is a lot and must be expensive (apart from the calories!).

Slinketypokey · 04/12/2025 14:43

Newsenmum · 04/12/2025 14:41

Are you comfortable telling us her height and weight? Could be lots of muscle from so much sport?

Please don't ask this. People shouldn't publish their kids' private details online.

Rewis · 04/12/2025 14:52

Change the meals to more protein dense. Instead if weetabix have some quark with fruit. Instead of Jacket potatoes have some salad and chicken. Or have aome coronation chicken with the Jacket so it will keep you full longer etc.

If she does sports 2h/day (that is a lot) then to have energy she needs to really consider what to eat.

Have meals together, wat often so potions don't get too high, don't nag, keep a food diary together, make sure veggies are available all the time to fill the plate, meal prep together

Morningsleepin · 04/12/2025 14:56

She needs a high protein breakfast, not weetabix

123456789xyz · 04/12/2025 15:07

From the perspective of someone who knows a lot about eating disorders, there is a LOT of incredibly unhelpful advice on this thread.
She doesn't need to do ANYTHING to lose weight. She eats healthily and is active. 5kg is not a priority.
At 17 she absolutely shouldn't be dieting or messing with what her natural hunger signals are saying to her, unless she is actually very overweight or obese.
I agree with those saying she should see the GP. There might be something going on. If there isn't, it is VERY normal to gain weight at this stage in the teens. Encourage positive body image and wait it out. She will likely lose it in her twenties. I know lots of people who had a 'chubby' (I use that word very carefully) phase in their late teens and were very slender in their twenties.
Be really gentle with her OP. Make her feel good about herself. Don't let her obsess about food, calories and weight at this vulnerable age please.

CatchTheWind1920 · 04/12/2025 15:11

What would've helped me as an overweight teen would have been someone sitting with me and explaining calories, proteins, fats and carbs. I had absolutely no clue about calories, and food groups and how much I roughly needed a day.

disappearingfish · 04/12/2025 15:13

What is her BMI? Is she actually overweight?

Is she on the pill? Or any other medication that can lead to weight gain?

Is she stressed? Is she eating for comfort?

Is PCOS a possibility?

Luckyingame · 04/12/2025 15:14

Eat less, move more. At that age it shouldn't
be a problem.
I would suggest a full blood test, due to thyroid, lack of vitamins, certain hormones.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 04/12/2025 15:25

CatchTheWind1920 · 04/12/2025 15:11

What would've helped me as an overweight teen would have been someone sitting with me and explaining calories, proteins, fats and carbs. I had absolutely no clue about calories, and food groups and how much I roughly needed a day.

Edited

Me too, and I've have loved something like Nutracheck and finding out the nutritional balance of what I'm eating. It's not "toxic diet culture" to be a bit more careful about what you eat and try to balance food and exercise, and it doesn't mean someone is going to go headlong into an eating disorder either.

Isobel201 · 04/12/2025 15:35

rainbow231 · 04/12/2025 13:45

Look into a low carb diet. I’d be more worried about the potato not the cheese, same with weetabix, both lack any real nutrition. Same with the advice to use skimmed milk. A low fat diet is very outdated advice.

Have a look at the ketogenic diet. But basically reduce carbs and eat good quality proteins and fats.

This, if you look at the glycaemic index (I loosely follow this as I have PCOS and gain weight very easily) jacket potatoes are on the high index.

Peridot1 · 04/12/2025 15:40

It could be as simple as tweaking what she eats as much as now much. I can’t eat Weetabix at all as it leaves me starving through the day. Porridge is the same for me unless I add in protein in the form of cottage cheese or something.

So instead of four Weetabix in the morning she could switch to porridge and mix in some cottage cheese and milled nuts and seeds and some berries. Or have eggs on sourdough toast. Or even beans on toast.

Concentrate on protein with each meal and snack and change any carbs to more slow release carbs.

xILikeJamx · 04/12/2025 15:45

When I wanted to lose weight I found the MyFitnessPal app really helpful. You put in all the food you're eating and exercise you're doing and it can help highlight where you're over/under certain food types or activity levels.

I found it helpful to add literally everything down to the last glass of water or step on my step tracker when I first started and it showed me I wasn't having enough protein or fats compared to carbs and I needed to get into calorie deficit one way or the other.

Once I got into the routine I found I didn't need it anymore to maintain the lost weight, but it was a great starting point.