Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send DCs to different schools

15 replies

notsuperbug · 04/12/2025 12:50

AIBU to send one DC to comprehensive and the other to a grammar?

DD is at our local, excellent comprehensive school. She is academically able but can find social interactions difficult. She enjoys a lot of the extra curriculars and the arts focus at the school. She likes we live near the school and they can walk to school, meet friends and be independent. She are also quite independent in her learning and will naturally push herself. to excel. I don’t think she responds well to a high pressure environment. DD was given the option to sit the entrance exam for a super selective grammar school but chose not to.

DS (y5)is keen to try for the grammar option. He is also very academic but much less inclined to push himself. He will happily coast along at the level of his peers. He is quite sociable and has a good group of friends ( who will be going to the same school DD attends).
DS is a stickler for rule following and gets quite upset when others in his class are disruptive. For this I think the grammar might be a good fit for him. DS is comfortable with the idea of getting the bus to school and wants to go for it (is applying himself to extra homework to prepare etc).

I was happy with our plans but a family member was quite concerned that it is not fair to DD if her brother gets a ‘better’ school than she does.

AIBU to send one to a comp and the other selective?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/12/2025 12:53

Who cares what family member thinks? It’s just stupid to suggest your son should be held back because of the wishes or academic ability of his older sibling, that wouldn’t be fair at all. So YANBU

TheNightingalesStarling · 04/12/2025 12:57

If your elder child had passed the exam, but the younger child hadn't, would you have pulled your elder child out so they had the same experience?

They are individuals. Treat them as individuals.

Greenqueen40 · 04/12/2025 12:58

No of course not! My eldest is at a ss Grammar because he aced the 11+ and got in. My youngest will do the exam as well and will go if he gets in. If not then it's the local comp for him. You have to do the best for each child not hold one back just to be equal with the other!

MidnightPatrol · 04/12/2025 13:00

“DD was given the option to sit the entrance exam for a super selective grammar school but chose not to.”

She was given the option and turned it down. Why should your DS not have that option?

ShesTheAlbatross · 04/12/2025 13:01

I think your family member (who really doesn’t get a say!) is looking at it wrong anyway. Your DD was given the option to take the exam and try for the grammar school. Denying your son that option would be the unfair thing here.

FruitBadger · 04/12/2025 13:03

It is fair because they have both had the same opportunities. What is different is the outcome, which is based on the individual child. Fair and equal are not always the same.

MannersAreAll · 04/12/2025 13:04

It would be very unfair to remove the choice for your son just because your DD opted not to sit the exam.

Hiptothisjive · 04/12/2025 13:04

Ummm I think your DS may be disappointed to find that grammars can be very disruptive and comps aren’t always that disruptive - massive generalising.

we know lots of kids that went to grammar and performed worse than those in our local comp (grammar is the county over so we can go to both).

Your kids should go where they feel comfortable and like. Consider that in a lot of grammars extra curricular has to be done during lunch due to busing.

WoahThreeAces · 04/12/2025 13:05

All of mine went to different schools. Their choice. One was at grammar, the others weren't. I would always look at my children as individuals. Treating children equally does not mean treating them the same ...

Buscobel · 04/12/2025 14:19

You are choosing schools based on what you know about your children and which school you think suits and will suit each of them. I don’t think there’s anything unfair about that.

Who is to say that one is better than the other. You feel the grammar would have not been a good fit for your daughter, but the comprehensive is and the opposite for your son. You’re doing what you believe to be the best for each of them.

x2boys · 04/12/2025 14:22

Well i would wait to see whether he passes the exam first...

MavisBarrel · 04/12/2025 14:35

TheNightingalesStarling · 04/12/2025 12:57

If your elder child had passed the exam, but the younger child hadn't, would you have pulled your elder child out so they had the same experience?

They are individuals. Treat them as individuals.

Yep this is our situation! They are both happy as can be. Lots of families I know are in the same boat.

noidea69 · 04/12/2025 14:36

Tell the family member to get fucked

Wowsersbrowsers · 04/12/2025 14:41

I expect to be in a similar situation and will absolutely choose the right school for each child. Everyone else can get stuffed.

Moonnstars · 04/12/2025 16:20

I am in a similar situation. Currently waiting to see whether DS gets a place at grammar (passed 11+ but no guarantees where I live as it's very competitive). His sister has already said she doesn't want to try and is happy to go to the local comprehensive, so if all goes well both of mine will go to different secondary schools.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread