OMG. I need to have a rant about teenagers at school

Katemax82 · 04/12/2025 11:53

Sympathies. My daughter is very much like that

Buscobel · 04/12/2025 11:54

Learned helplessness.

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/12/2025 11:56

Their minds are on other things!

LighthouseLED · 04/12/2025 11:59

I’d be questioning how much they wanted to take lessons tbh.

Nothing you’ve said would have been an issue for teenagers when I was one back in the dark ages and I’m not convinced they’ve changed that much. Difference is we weren’t pushed by parents into doing extracurriculars we weren’t keen on.

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/12/2025 12:25

LighthouseLED · 04/12/2025 11:59

I’d be questioning how much they wanted to take lessons tbh.

Nothing you’ve said would have been an issue for teenagers when I was one back in the dark ages and I’m not convinced they’ve changed that much. Difference is we weren’t pushed by parents into doing extracurriculars we weren’t keen on.

Parents were ALWAYS pushing their children to do music lessons, what on earth are you talking about?

DuchessofStaffordshire · 04/12/2025 12:26

My husband and I decided to completely step back when DS13 started year 7 and actually his school (a grammar) recommended doing just that. A few months of the odd detention for missing PE kit, missed homework etc seemed to embed good organisational skills and had made him much more independent and responsible as a result.

MNLurker1345 · 04/12/2025 12:46

@DuchessofStaffordshire- Same with my DGD, school made it clear in year 7, that she had to stand on own two feet.

She has had a few detentions, for forgetting PE kit or for forgetting to do homework also. She finds the idea of detention mortifying. She cannot blame her parents for forgetting anything because it is her responsibility, she has a time table, a school laptop, and everything she needs is communicated to her.

Things have been chaotic from time to time, but it has been brilliant to see her growing into a responsible young person. She is in yr 10 now.

Trivium4all · 04/12/2025 12:47

"No time to practice"? Make the lesson about how to practice effectively, taking apart the most difficult passage in their pieces...
"Mum didn't pack my music"? IMSLP to the rescue if applicable, otherwise: yay, a lesson completely devoted to scales and tone production! Or improvisation, or sight-reading...
"What note does F major start on?" Deadpan: G-double-flat, of course...

...but I hear you! It's hard not to take it personally at times when students don't seem to make any effort.

Bookpage · 04/12/2025 12:52

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/12/2025 12:25

Parents were ALWAYS pushing their children to do music lessons, what on earth are you talking about?

Show quote history

That depends entirely on class. None of the working class children I grew up with had music lessons...and I don't think many do today.

The only thing likely to have changed is where PP sits on that scale.

SlidSlowly · 04/12/2025 12:53

It must be very frustrating. This is another reason why I would struggle to be a teacher.

Dear all, the verb is ‘practise’. I just needed to say that, as otherwise this thread will be torture for me and any other petty pedants out there ;-)

LighthouseLED · 04/12/2025 13:06

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/12/2025 12:25

Parents were ALWAYS pushing their children to do music lessons, what on earth are you talking about?

Show quote history

Maybe where and when you grew up, but not in my circles

Parker231 · 04/12/2025 13:09

blanketsnuggler · 04/12/2025 11:51

Currently on a break from teaching 1-2-1 music lessons.
OMG. Do I really have to spoon-feed them everything. They all seem to pretty bad today. Turning up late; saying they have no time to practice this week; mum didn't pack my music; when is the concert? (they've all had a letter containing all the info); What note does F Major scale start on (the clue is in the name..);And it's not even lunch time yet. ARRRRGGGGHHHHH.
thank you.

How do you deal with punishment - detention, call to parents, remove them from any concerts. No point letting them get away with it - they’ll never improve.

Octavia64 · 04/12/2025 13:24

To be fair I sing in a choir and play a couple of instruments and this time of year is fucking brutal. So much to practice for so much to do and I’m struggling to keep up and I’m not a teen.

Cosyblankets · 04/12/2025 13:26

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/12/2025 12:25

Parents were ALWAYS pushing their children to do music lessons, what on earth are you talking about?

Show quote history

Mine didn't

Georgiepud · 04/12/2025 13:35

As said upthread, it's organisational skills that are often lacking.
Though I'm not sure how you instill these.

BauhausOfEliott · 04/12/2025 13:57

Parker231 · 04/12/2025 13:09

How do you deal with punishment - detention, call to parents, remove them from any concerts. No point letting them get away with it - they’ll never improve.

Show quote history

Given that 121 music lessons are extra-curricular and voluntary, it's not the OP's place to 'punish' them for being a bit crap, really.

Original poster

blanketsnuggler · 04/12/2025 14:02

To be fair, most of these kids I've had today are usually pretty good. I think that's what is frustrating today! Must be the weather….
Yes, we've done a lot of scales and technical exercises today without music. That has always been my policy. No music, then it's a lesson full of scales and exercises! A couple have had a talking to about time management.
My last one just now was really good though and has cheered me up. :)

OP posts:

Julimia · 04/12/2025 15:06

Working class ? Hdoid have music lessons and still do today. Working class!!

MNLurker1345 · 04/12/2025 15:18

BauhausOfEliott · 04/12/2025 13:57

Given that 121 music lessons are extra-curricular and voluntary, it's not the OP's place to 'punish' them for being a bit crap, really.

Show quote history

But OP is allowed to speak to them about time management, as OP has done.

All adults that have contact with children and young people in educational roles are part of the network that they should learn life skills from.

A music lessons is a music lesson but it is also a lesson in understanding what is expected of them and it is a dual relationship, teacher and pupil, they have to put a lot in also. Hence OPs original rant!

As I tell my DGD, she will not be a child forever and one day she will have to go out into the big world. She will have pull on all of her life skills then.

OneDayIWillLearn · 04/12/2025 15:34

Just to put another point of view….I dutifully took music lessons from ages 5 to 18, on violin, oboe, piano and recorder. Two grade 8s and two grade 5s. I practised because my mum made me, and did all the grades and scales/ studies etc because that’s what the teachers wanted and set me doing. I was plainly never going to be a professional musician but as soon as I left school I stopped it all, altogether and have pretty much never played since (over twenty years now). I don’t remember any music teachers ever asking me what kind of music I liked, or asking me what I wanted out of playing music. I would have loved to learn a small repertoire of music I love (folk songs in my case!), well enough that I could play them perfectly and off by heart. I would have loved to play more chamber music.

The music I was set always seemed to be a bit too hard, and as soon as I got anywhere near playing it well enough for it to feel easy and pleasant, we’d stop and move onto the next piece. So once again I was playing music that was a bit too hard and a bit of a struggle. Quite often bits of music I didn’t even like much. I understand the concept of challenge but what I think I needed was a chance to play for sheer enjoyment and for the joy of mastery sometimes, rather than always being given a new hill to climb up. Or a piece I learnt because I loved that particular piece, so the effort was worth it.

I look back and think what a waste of time and money it all was, and what a wasted opportunity. I love music and with a different approach from teachers I might have developed a playing habit that endured because it was enjoyable rather than something I couldn’t wait to stop because it was always a struggle and always something I was guilted into doing.

Greenfinch7 · 04/12/2025 15:45

OneDayIWillLearn · 04/12/2025 15:34

Just to put another point of view….I dutifully took music lessons from ages 5 to 18, on violin, oboe, piano and recorder. Two grade 8s and two grade 5s. I practised because my mum made me, and did all the grades and scales/ studies etc because that’s what the teachers wanted and set me doing. I was plainly never going to be a professional musician but as soon as I left school I stopped it all, altogether and have pretty much never played since (over twenty years now). I don’t remember any music teachers ever asking me what kind of music I liked, or asking me what I wanted out of playing music. I would have loved to learn a small repertoire of music I love (folk songs in my case!), well enough that I could play them perfectly and off by heart. I would have loved to play more chamber music.

The music I was set always seemed to be a bit too hard, and as soon as I got anywhere near playing it well enough for it to feel easy and pleasant, we’d stop and move onto the next piece. So once again I was playing music that was a bit too hard and a bit of a struggle. Quite often bits of music I didn’t even like much. I understand the concept of challenge but what I think I needed was a chance to play for sheer enjoyment and for the joy of mastery sometimes, rather than always being given a new hill to climb up. Or a piece I learnt because I loved that particular piece, so the effort was worth it.

I look back and think what a waste of time and money it all was, and what a wasted opportunity. I love music and with a different approach from teachers I might have developed a playing habit that endured because it was enjoyable rather than something I couldn’t wait to stop because it was always a struggle and always something I was guilted into doing.

I think the whole system of doing grades and seeing music as another thing which can be tested, competed over, punished for, etc is part of the problem.

Chamber music, the joy of being able to do something that wasn't possible a few months ago, performing in a joyful way, the intimate friendships that you build playing music together or taking lessons 121: these are the reasons I liked to play. These are not easy to create in music lessons at school.

OP, I am so glad you had one student to redeem the day! You sound like a caring and sensitive teacher- remember you might be the only adult who takes a personal interest in that child's work and has an ongoing project with that child; it can be very important.

It is hard when you feel like your work consists of cajoling the child to want to learn, rather than the challenge of helping an interested student learn, which is what teachers want to be doing!

Hemax1 · 04/12/2025 16:08

It’s a full moon night tonight … behaviour always dips at those times ! Hope you made it through the rest of the day.

Holidaypumpkin · 04/12/2025 16:08

I’m blaming the full moon !!!
kids at school were wild today!

Aligirlbear · 04/12/2025 16:17

Learned helplessness from parents who run around doing everything for them.

Dolphinnoises · 04/12/2025 16:21

My daughter’s violin teacher (when she hadn’t practised) said to me that she was just the same as a teen, and her mother had insisted she keep up the lessons even so. That she came out of the teen fug and rediscovered her love of it. So there’s that perspective too.