10 year olds talking about sex - normal or not?

[Anonymousqq]

Please no judgements - DD is my eldest and I’m completely lost. I have no family I can confide in and don’t want to share with friends.

DD was “encouraged” by a group of girls today to go up to a boy and say inappropriate things to him. DD is summer born and has always been very young for her age and is easily led. She went up to this boy and repeated what the other girls told her to say whilst they giggled in the background. School called me as the boy got upset and when they questioned DD she told them about being put up to this.
I picked DD up from school later in the day knowing about the incident and casually asked her how school was today and she gave no indication of this incident. She was happily skipping along saying she had a great day. Once home I told her what school told me and she got upset and said the names of the kids who put her up to this and has just told me they all talk about sex at break times,
DD doesn’t have a phone, she has no access to internet unless It’s on my laptop when she does her homework, everything is monitored.
I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this but I feel sad that I don’t know how to help her. We just discussed setting boundaries and I found a YouTube video on how to set boundaries for kids . I spoke to her about appropriate and inappropriate conversations. I just feel so lost and upset by this.

I would say not normal (my oldest is 10, year 5). Talking about which boy they 'fancy', boyfriends and kissing, yes. But sex no.
10 year olds are prone to exaggeration though 'talking about it all the time' may actually be talking about it occasionally.

I would be more concerned about her so called 'friends' encouraging her to do something they knew to be wrong and then laughing at her.

The best way to help her IMHO is improving her ability to say no/stand up for herself/ make positive choices. Encouraging friendships with children who behave more respectfully towards your daughter, including friendships outside school.

Thank you @Bushmillsbabe shes 10 but she’s in year 6. She’s the youngest as she’s born end of August

I would say it is not normal to talk about sex at 10. Maybe use the word and not really know what it means but to discuss it or say sexual things is not within the consciousness of most 10 year olds in my experience.

Some idea of fancying, maybe kissing, maybe relationships but not sex.

I think that was good, talking about appropriate and inappropriate conversations.
One conversation I've had with DS1 (9), (not specifically about sex, just in general) is if you are not sure what something means that you read or your friends say, ask me or dad before saying it because it could be rude or offensive.

I don't know if the girls in DS1s class (also year 5) have started talking about fancying people etc. but DS1 finds anything vaguely to do with kissing etc. e.g. on tv embarrassing. All he talks about is football, roblox, and history.

I guess it depends on how graphic they are when talking about it. A lot of 10 year olds know the word sex and what it means and make silly jokes about it. But not many would talk graphically about it.

The whole situation sounds unkind though and not like very nice friends.

Thank you.

dies anyone have any resources on this they could point me in the right direction? I have no idea how to speak to her about any of this. I did really try today but not sure if I’m being effective

You also need to prepare your DD for tomorrow's fallout. These girls do not sound very nice, and I doubt they will behave kindly towards her once they found out she has told on them.
Lots of reassurance that she was right to tell the truth, and to encourage her to find others to play with. It's positive that she is able to confide in you, you must have a strong trusting relationship. In the short term place some focus on having been brave enough to be honest despite the possible consequences, on kindness and making sensible choices rather than telling her off.

I can unfortunately confirm that the children in my child's class knew everything about sex at that age and talked about it in such vulgar way that I wouldn't have at 18.
I had calls from school about inappropriate songs/conversations etc. It was horrendous.
My child was quite innocent and considered naive by other children because she/he didn't know what lots of terms meant.

And a few of these children came from very religious families but had access to internet/social media.

So I'd hazard a guess that most 10 year olds are quite knowledgeable about it all nowadays. Which is sad.

I have a summer born 10 year old. I think her friends all know what sex is but currently seem disgusted by snogging etc.

They'll be in secondary school in under a year though so I've gone through some sex ed books with her so she knows the biological aspects. We've always done the pants rule and I've explained to her that also includes peers and about consent amongst relationships.

I have started to explain things quite plainly that she might hear in the playground though. E.g. what's a wanker. Because I don't want her to be embarrassed by not knowing things. By talking about it openly I also hope she feels she can come to me and discuss them.

I think they do have sex education in year 6 so they will know what sex is and some of the other girls probably have older siblings and have overheard things they probably shouldn't. I would go in and speak to your DDs teacher, if your DD has been encouraged to say inappropriate things then the school should be addressing this.