AIBU to want family to spend Christmas together

Arlanymor · 03/12/2025 19:46

As is so often said on this forum - an invitation is not a demand. People are entitled to say ‘no thank you’ or to make alternative plans. I’m not sure why it’s disappointing when it’s just adults choosing how to spend their time. Sounds like your family are local and see your children often, so no one is missing out.

TrixieCat · 03/12/2025 19:47

I mean, you're obviously entitled to feel how you feel, but it's their Christmas too. We tell people on here all the time that they should have the Christmas their household wants and shouldn't be pressured by how other people might want them to spend it. I'm not sure why that wouldn't apply to your parents too.

ThisLittlePony · 03/12/2025 19:49

Sister has chosen to go to in-laws which made me feel a bit sad but is fine
so she and her husband are going to his parents?

shhblackbag · 03/12/2025 19:51

You decided that you want to spend Christmas in a way that suits you. All they're doing is the exact same. Taking issue with that is hypocrisy.

Katflapkit · 03/12/2025 19:52

So much importance is out on the actual day. But what about seeing them Christmas Eve or the day after Boxing Day. A whole day with over excited small children can be a lot, no matter how much you love them. Don't begrudge your parents their choice to go out and get rat arsed - it's Christmas after all.

youalright · 03/12/2025 19:53

Do you normally go to to in-laws Christmas day and see your family boxing day. Have you decided to switch it this year?

Original poster

Limerick2907 · 03/12/2025 19:56

youalright · 03/12/2025 19:53

Do you normally go to to in-laws Christmas day and see your family boxing day. Have you decided to switch it this year?

We usually alternate each year yes, but the past two years have spent with in-laws due to circumstance - so naturally decided to invite my parents this year and easier at home than out somewhere with DC.

OP posts:

Zempy · 03/12/2025 19:57

I agree with PP. Family members are entitled to the Christmas they want. You don’t get to impose your wishes on them.

Original poster

Limerick2907 · 03/12/2025 19:58

ThisLittlePony · 03/12/2025 19:49

Sister has chosen to go to in-laws which made me feel a bit sad but is fine
so she and her husband are going to his parents?

Yes they go most years, which is fine although would have loved them here.

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HeddaGarbled · 03/12/2025 20:00

You’ve decided what you want to do. They’ve decided what they want to do. Seems fair enough to me.

ShesTheAlbatross · 03/12/2025 20:00

Maybe your in-laws are equally upset you aren’t going to theirs? That doesn’t mean you should go to theirs, but you are choosing what you want to do, you can’t then get upset when other people do the same. You want your husband to not see his side of the family but to see his in laws instead, and then you’re upset that your sister is doing the same (seeing her in laws rather than her side of the family).

Pavementworrier · 03/12/2025 20:01

Limerick2907 · 03/12/2025 19:42

Due to having young DC we have decided to have Xmas at home for ease, rather than going to the in-laws and see them Boxing Day instead.

We invited my parents and sister and brother in law round for Xmas dinner as they’re local. Sister has chosen to go to in-laws which made me feel a bit sad but is fine, but my parents have basically said they
might but they prefer going out somewhere the two of them (and basically getting rat-ar$ed) rather than spend it with us and their grandchildren.

AIBU to find this disappointing? It’s Xmas Day and it is a nice occasion to spend time with family especially with young grandchildren. We have a nice relationship so it’s not like there is anything off putting there, they can go the pub any time or even after dinner if they were that bothered?

A lot of people do not enjoy the company of young children. Let them do their thing, it's Christmas.

Original poster

Limerick2907 · 03/12/2025 20:03

I think everyone’s comments are fair enough, hence posting it in AIBU. I suppose I just feel a bit sad that they don’t want to spend it with family as that’s how I envisage Xmas being, we usually always go to either parents and it’s the first occasion we’ve offered to host - so I wouldn’t say we’re hypocrites if this is the first time we’ve tried to suit ourselves.

OP posts:

youalright · 03/12/2025 20:05

Limerick2907 · 03/12/2025 19:56

We usually alternate each year yes, but the past two years have spent with in-laws due to circumstance - so naturally decided to invite my parents this year and easier at home than out somewhere with DC.

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I can understand your parents not wanting to spend the whole day but I don't think it would hurt for them to come for an hour to see you all before going to the pub especially if they live locally. Have you thought about saying to them if your wanting to go to the pub Christmas did you want to nip for an hour in the morning to do presents and have a pre drink.

Pineapplewaves · 03/12/2025 20:05

Everyone is entitled to spend Christmas Day as they wish, it’s a big day for everyone, it’s not like a birthday when one person is the centre of attention. Each family member has chosen how they wish to spend it.

It sounds like you assumed everyone would go to yours and now you are upset that you won’t be seeing anyone outside of your family on the day? Is an invite to the in-laws still an option if that’s the case?

Original poster

Limerick2907 · 03/12/2025 20:07

ShesTheAlbatross · 03/12/2025 20:00

Maybe your in-laws are equally upset you aren’t going to theirs? That doesn’t mean you should go to theirs, but you are choosing what you want to do, you can’t then get upset when other people do the same. You want your husband to not see his side of the family but to see his in laws instead, and then you’re upset that your sister is doing the same (seeing her in laws rather than her side of the family).

They’re not upset, we’ve spent the last two Xmas Days with them and seeing them Boxing Day instead as we usually would on an alternate year. They aren’t local.

OP posts:

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 03/12/2025 20:07

Limerick2907 · 03/12/2025 19:56

We usually alternate each year yes, but the past two years have spent with in-laws due to circumstance - so naturally decided to invite my parents this year and easier at home than out somewhere with DC.

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Easier for you but not appealing to them I guess.

You are allowed to feel how you feel but you have to accept they can do Christmas as they wish - small kids can be a lot and if it's all a bit chaotic and/or stressful they may simply not enjoy it.

Have the Christmas you want and see it they're up for Boxing Day.