Am I the worst person in the world

[Emotionallyinvisible]

Last year I left my husband of 20 years for another man. I didn't have an affair, but I'd known this person as a friend for about 5 years before this. I told my husband I couldnt cope with our marriage anymore and I wanted to seperate. He said he was unhappy too but marriage was about sticking it out. When I told him about my feelings for this other person (I could never lie to him and and have always been honest) he left me. I cared about my husband like he was another child, I did everything for him and I looked after him. When I say I did everything I mean EVERYTHING, I spent all my time looking after him and my DC. Cooking, cleaning, organising every Christmas, Birthday everything was on me and i supose i became resentful. We also never went out and if we did (rarely) he would sit with his head in his phone, we got on but it was more like friends who just happened to share a house. I always got the impression he was with me because of the children. I suffered badly with mental health over the years (PND and Depression) and I would spend alot of time depressed almost grieving for a life I knew I couldnt have with him. I hate that I have broken up our family. Im happy now but I feel guilty about it!

Shit! Im normally so careful over these things and now I can't edit.

• [Message from MNHQ: we've edited the typo in the title]

Feel better now, do you? 🙄

Nah, YANBU, OP… you don’t owe it to anyone to be stuck in a loveless unhappy marriage

You’re a shitty person.

Just ignore posters like this, OP. Imagine what a sad, pathetic, little life you’d have to have to come on and post that.

Don’t feel bad. After 2 decades of caring about everyone else, you have finally put yourself first. You probably raised the kids, gave him an easy life and now you deserve happiness too.

No you are not the worst person in the world. Staying in an unhappy marriage just because you should is ridiculous. Your ex H is an adult, he's going to have to learn life skills all by himself now, and about time too. I'm glad you have found happiness. Don't beat yourself up about ending your marriage.

Pathetic response.

You didn’t have an affair. You did things in the right order. Can’t see that you did anything wrong.

Knob or nob?

He was unhappy too, he just didn’t want to be the one to end it. Don’t feel guilty, im sure your ex will find whatever makes him happy too. At least you finished on reasonably good terms.

Every now and then it's ok to put yourself first. Doesn't make you the worst person in the world by any stretch, doesn't make you a bad person at all. Just a person doing person things.

To be honest in terms of dickheadery I'd say @Pawparazzi is much higher on the bellend list than you for pointlessly correcting the spelling on a post by someone just looking for some support 🙃

You did what was best for you, and your children too.
When a parent is unhappy, it usually follows that the children are too.
Good luck in your new relationship.

You’ve done the right thing. Nobody should stay in a marriage without love. Free yourself of guilt and be happy

You didn't actually leave your husband for another man though, did you?

You told him you had feelings for him and your husband left you.

It happens.

The best you two can hope for now is that you can lead happily separate lives, and that the kids will be affected as little as possible.

Not a bad person at all. You didn’t fart him about by having an affair, you just left a marriage where it sounds like you were being taken massively for granted to be honest. You had the courage to address the problem. Many people spend their whole lives unhappy because making change feels too scary. Fair play to you.

You can tell yourself it wasn’t an affair but it was an emotional affair. However at least you fessed up and moved on. Marriages take work, communication, setting parameters. If neither of you were prepared to do that then this is how it ends. You will probably be flamed on here so if your aim is to receive absolution then it won’t end well.

I'd say your ex got a pretty good deal and you did well to last 20 years as a maid of all work. You saw him as a child, says it all really. He wasn't your partner or your equal.
Onwards and upwards to happiness OP. Forgive yourself! We are not all made to be martyrs.

It takes two to make a marriage work, if one isn't even trying, no marriage can be happy.

Why should she be flamed? She doesn't need absolution either, what a ridiculous thing to say. She left an awful one sided marriage, good for her.

This.

You've done nothing wrong OP. You were honest. You weren't happy, You are entitled to try for happiness.

Don't give it another thought

I do not think that you're the worst person in the world, OP.
You were honest. Relationships can change, feelings can change, you told him you weren't happy, there were good reasons, and instead of continuing on in a relationship that was a lie in which both of you were miserable, or, having an affair, you did the adult thing and ended the relationship.
I hope that wherever your life brings you in the future, that you will be happy

Be happy. Life is too short and you have done nothing wrong

If it's not working it's not working.

As long as you/he made and informed decision not in the heat of the moment it probably is the right decision

Obviously no, you are not the worst person in the world. You've left an unhappy marriage, not committed a crime. If you had an affair, I'd think you were an arsehole, but still not on the top terrible people list. It's done now anyway, no point dwelling on it. You can't travel back in time.