Feeling overwhelmed when dependent on myself

[Frozenbiscuit5]

Didn't know which category to put this post really.
I just feel overwhelmed at the moment. I'm reliant on myself financially and with most things in life. Which shouldn't be that bad really as I have no children to support
I live alone except for pets and work full time.

I have a partner but we live about 45 minutes away, so usually see each other a couple days a week. He's lovely and will help with big tasks around the house if needed.
But my day to day, doing all the chores around the house, having to work full time, all bills in my name. I'm just so tired, I have an autoimmune disease, which does cause fatigue and I'm always worried about having a flare up or my health declining rapidly

It's just knowing if I screw up, it's all on me really. If I got fired, if I couldn't find a job that paid as well as this one, I would be in a very uncomfortable position pretty quickly.
I am trying to save a couple months worth of expenses so I have a bit of a financial safety net but I'm not there yet

In an ideal world I would work maybe 3 days a week and have a live in partner to share tasks and responsibilities with. But I can't afford to drop any hours at work, I feel burnt out. I can't live with my partner probably for another 2-3 years if he wants to even live together at that point

Does anyone know how to deal with feeling so overwhelmed all the time, even small tasks feel like massive mental effort for me to get started on

Hey, I’ve felt similar at times. They’re all true thoughts, but it turned out to be a lot to do with my past and how unsupported I felt in childhood which was colouring how amplified my feelings were in the present.

Lots of adults are reliant on themselves, but not all are anxious and fearful about it. So it’s helpful to question where the anxiety is coming from or why it’s so big. Even if you don’t recognise this as fear or anxiety, it could be playing out physically as fatigue and that sense of overwhelm - your heath might be your body telling you how you feel and shouting for you to listen perhaps!

If this resonates at all, there’s some good books to look into (even have a scan through blurbs to get a flavour as they might give you some ah-ha moments or discount what I’ve said!)…

• The Body Keeps the Score by Besel Van der Kolk
• The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild
• Decoding your Fatigue by Alex Howard
• The Cure for Chronic Pain by Nicole Sachs

On the massive mental effort needed to get tasks stated, it might be worth just noticing to begin with - even jot down in a journal - what you’re thinking about in those moments.

I’ve jotted down in my phone a sort of checklist for certain things that overwhelmed me - like one was dealing with my DC needing to be off sick from school with a rash at the same time as making sure he’s cared for and reorganising my work day to fit in a GP visit and pharmacy visit, and getting on the phone to the surgery at 8:30 on the dot to get an appointment, and letting school know. All those priorities were cropping up at once at the same time in the morning and it would really stress me out, so in a calm moment, I broke it down into a list that I can fall back on so I don’t need to think anymore, just follow the list. I did the same for my morning routine, bedtime routine, DC’s after school routine etc - I don’t follow these religiously, but they’re there to fall back on when my brain is overwhelmed.

A couple of great people on procrastination worth looking up are Dr David Maloney on YouTube and ‘Coach Grace’ (I think she’s mainly on Instagram). They both help break down what’s going on in the mind in those moments of overwhelm and how to respond to it better so you can act.

Initially all of this might seem like adding things to your plate and throws more light on wha you’re thinking and feeling (which can be scary in itself), but really the inner work helps lighten your load so much - when your mind isn’t in overdrive life fees so much lighter.