To house a friend going through marriage breakdown

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Hello all, i am after some advice. About 9 months ago, i met a lady who i have become very good friends with. She was having a few problems with her husband which seem to have escalated to the point that she's now thinking of leaving the marriage and family home. The issue is, she has not got any family support or friends and would most likely end up in a shelter.
I am a very emotional person and tend to make decisions with my heart and not my head. Would i be unreasonable to offer her my spare room until she's back on her feet? She's got 2 little dc but i have a spare cot that they could use. I would obviously need to convince dh first.
Thanks.

No matter how sad someone's story is, do not let them move in to your house

No I wouldn’t do this, it won’t help her in the long run as she will be classed as adequately housed so won’t be a priority for social housing.

What I would do, is help her prepare and store some of her possessions at your house if it would help. Once in temporary accommodation I’d also have them around for a meal once per week if you can stretch to that. They may end up in a travel lodge so I’d also probably offer to help with practical things like doing some laundry, anything that doesn’t inconvenience you too much but will make things a little easier for her

What I would do, is help her prepare and store some of her possessions at your house if it would help.

Do not do this, OP. Because where will those possessions be? In a bedroom!

There was a thread a wee while ago where a DW and DH took in someone they near ended up taking over their house and it obviously put a strain on their marriage.
It took them months to get her out and change locks.

I took a longterm friend in once. Took me months to get rid of him. Had to organise where he went next 🙄

Or in a garage, or a loft?

The lady is likely to only be able to take a limited amount of stuff on the day that she leaves, if she could get some things out beforehand it will make a big difference to her.

Well, again, I'm sure the OP would like to direct her friend to your home to store her stuff.

That's nuts 🤯

I'd be questioning why she can't stay in the family home and get rid of him? Especially if there's kids involved? If it's a dv situation and she needs to flee then I'd push for refuge first so she can get support and proper anonymity and help with childcare etc. If no beds are free I'd help her until one came up to get the kids out of that situation but I'd want her to log it all with police so they can flag your address for faster response.

Yeah, I got burned. And I had known him for years! Some people just take.

Things like this can end in disaster, you can mean well but best thing you can to do to help is signpost to support services.
You only have to look at some threads on here where people have moved friends in, or when people have taken other people in.
If she has children she will at least get housed in BnB or hotel and if you do want to help you could maybe buy some bedding or something to make their stay comfortable but if the council is aware someone has taken her in, she won't be seen as an urgent need.
Also don't store any stuff as that can bring some complications of its own (sure there was a thread on here or Reddit about how someone stored a friend's belongings in a garage, meant to be for a few months, ended up much longer and arguements on who was to deliver it /collect it)

You r only known this person a few months - you would be insane to let her move into your home.

How many threads on here where someone find a friend a favour and it’s turned into a nightmare?

NO!

I remember a thread whereby a relative abroad took advantage of op’s mother. He was there for months and despite promises of moving out, never did. They had to effectively force him out. The mother wasn’t well off so couldn’t afford for him to stay even if she wanted to, but he expected her to pay fir everything.

There are only 2 people in this world I would offer this to, and both of them I have known for over 25 years. You've known this woman for less than a year and you want to offer your house to her AND her small children? Not a chance, you will be used and chucked aside.

You do not know her very well and risk your marriage by having her and her child in your home.

I realise you have a good heart but stupidity of this level will see you being taken advantage of.

I have done this / similar twice.

Both times I was taken advantage of and abused for giving up time money energy and my home.

The last time was the worst and particularly upsetting (after month 3 of her taking over the house with friends and smelly cooking.
.we said you need to make pther arrangements, it was covid and i was concerned correctly! about lockdown and borders closing. After trashing the beautiful room we gave her to stay in (i cried when i saw it) she then gave me a load of verbal abuse and took a business class flight back to Australia!!!! having pled utter poverty...

My dh and i had a heart to heart agreed never again no matter what.

I wouldn't do it.

You have known her for 9 months? Absolutely not plus she would be housed so would be right at the bottom of any list for assistance with housing.

Take all the advice given, OP.
There are pages and pages of stuff on MM about those who have kindly accommodated so called friends in their home and its ended in total disaster, emotionally and financially.
Don't do it

It’s a very kind gesture on your part, but I think you would regret it. You can support her in other ways.

Out of curiosity, is the friend hinting at moving in? If so, this such a red flag. You’ve only known her a short while, and if this is the case, she’s already trying to emotionally manipulate you.

Don’t do it, she’s got no family support or friends red flag.

My friend did this for a friend.. ended up lasting 8 months. My friend’s a very tolerant person but was going insane by the end of it. I would try and avoid it.