Am I too old etc to get my 'happily ever after'

[Rockinrobbbin]

Im 27, 28 next month. 2 kids 4 and under. Me and dh are wearing thin. I got with him at 18 and I look now and realise so many red flags were there i ignored them.

Im practically a single mum. He'll play with the kids but I do everything else. Bedtime bathtime meal times. Teaching stuff everything. I keep.giving chances but I think to.myself he is so mean. Hes the only.person in my life who puts me down or criticised me?

I am so hopeful. And hope he'll have an epiphany.

But then I seen a tik tok of a man who's got 2 kids. Same age gap as mine but the youngest is a new born. Hes vlogged each day and how he speaks about that stage is they're a team. They take turns. He helps with the kids does bed time bath times night time wakings. I know social media isnt the full picture it just made me sad when I look back at my 2 pregnancy post partum experiences

Alone. Sad. Done all feedings all night wakings. Only.one who could settle them. When we had 2 and our youngest was a newborn and eldest was just 2 I struggled majorly. Had a c section and got so heavily bruised as DH wanted to use his paternity break as annual leave and to chill. I was on my knees

I do dream about meeting a man who's lovely. Who never says mean things to me even if we disagree. Who never looks at me the way dh does sometimes. Who actually loves me.

I always wanted 3 kids but never would I ever have another with dh. I do dream of meeting the right man and having a child together and having a magical pregnancy and postpartum and being a team. Not alone

Am.i just being a big dreamer? Im nearly 30 have 2 kids i dont know if that will put men off? Doesnt fully bother me.if it does ill remain alone when I get the courage to leave but I just wondered

You have a whole wide world available to you at 30, get out of this hopeless marriage and you’ll feel happier at once

Oh OP, you sound like a superhero of a mum and deserve so much more. You're so young! End things now and give yourself a chance at happiness. You'll be happier on your own than in this situation.

One thing is for sure, your current DH isn’t going to have an epiphany.

You may not meet someone great, no one can promise you happily ever after. Don’t leave chasing the dream of a perfect guy or a perfect third pregnancy or newborn experience. Frankly it would be mad to jump into a new relationship, let alone another child while you already have two little ones. That’s not about whether anyone would want you, it’s about whether it would be right for you and your kids. Maybe it will happen one day but don’t be aiming at that just yet. Leave to be single - you’ll be happier without someone putting you down and putting his feet up while you struggle.

You are not old. I didn't meet my DH until my mid 30s. Your DH shouldn't criticize you and should have been supportive always, but especially when you were postpartum.

It is hard though, having two under 4 is probably exhausting for most people. I would just caution against thinking you will ever have a magical pregnancy and postpartum, maybe you will, but it often just isn't magical even with an amazing partner. However you and your partner should be a team, he should be supportive.

From what you say he is at best unsupportive and at worst boarderline abusive. If he is just unsupportive and probably very immature, you could consider relationship counselling if you think he might improve. Otherwise though, as others have said, you are still young and you can leave. Maybe get some legal advice if you choose to do this, just so you can make sure you get what is fair for you and your children.

Why can't being single and away from this red flag man, be yoir haopy ever after?

Why do you need a man to be happy?

If one comes along, great, but you meed to find a way to be happy on your own first.

Single is better than being with someone who puts you down and uses you as a household appliance/nanny/sex doll.

I am twice your age and I was a lot older than you before I worked this out, dont make the same mistake I did. You are not at all too old, I am not too old. Who knows whats around the corner?

But I can tell you one thing that is a FACT. You will never get your happily ever after while you are with this man.

ETA....be careful about things like tiktok etc. These videos are to make money, I would be very sceptical about how much of a true representation they show of anyones life, male or female.

Never ever too old.. some people fall in love at 70 x

Most certainly not too old!! Please leave this fool. Your local Womens Aid will also run courses that help you in knowing your worth and identifying red flags etc.

Im in my forties. Went on dates as a single mum with men who put amazing effort and thought In and now been with a truly amazing partner for over a year who values me and my kids.
There is better out there.

I was 45 so yes - I got my happy ever after. ND (recently diagnosed) and a number of challenging SEN ND children and he’s great - the love of my life.

'I'm 27'

Of course not 😄

Ltb and take time to be single - you can start over and have a very happy life xx

OP, you have two issues here.

One - Yes, your DH should be doing more. Supporting you more. Appreciating you more. Have you, would he, consider marriage counselling?

Two - Do not believe performative fathering on social media. It's fake. He is using his child to say "Hey look at me, I'm amazing!". It's exploitative. And - NOT REAL!!!

You’re only 27 OP.

People remarry all through life and frankly, I’m 30, all the people I know are just getting married for the first time… you’re still really young in the long scheme of things.

If you live to average life expectancy you’ve got over 50 years of life left! If you don’t want to spend them with a mean useless man then yeah leave him. Tbh I’d leave him no matter what because he sounds awful and you clearly don’t love or respect him anymore and likely never will again. Even if you never find someone else at least you’re not with someone who is mean to you.

Why does your Happy ever After have to involve a man and more procreation?
You have everything you need in your two lovely healthy and happy children.

Yes there is absolutely every chance you could meet someone absolutely wonderful! And be so much happier than you are now.
But there are some things you need to do to get there.

1. get yourself in the best place possible to leave
2. seperate
3. don’t go back and forth
4. freedom program / therapy to understand healthy relationships

You can make a fresh start at any age. You are still young, anyway.

You’re very young.

You’re also in a really difficult stage - 2 under 4 is really tough. I’m not minimising your Dh being useless at this stage, but some men do really improve as parents when the children are older. Push back on his critical comments more.

Don’t base a single decision in your actual life on anything you’ve seen on social media.

You say you are practically a single mum. Does your husband have a job and contribute financially to the household? If not, you’ll be better off without him anyway. If he does, you still probably will be better off but there might be more financial implications you will need to go through to get out of the marriage.

I'm much older than you! Ive seen many similar relationships and the ones with the best relationships with their exes are the ones that left early, built amicable relationships and where very open with their kids.

I didn't leave until I was 34 and it took me until 36/37 to actually feel ready to date again.
Haven't found another partner but my gosh I'm so much happier now.
Things are actually EASIER on my own.
I do wish I'd left earlier, although things have worked out for me this way.
You are absolutely not too old x

Absolutely not too old (if there is even such thing as “too old!”) 🥰 Gosh 27 is honestly so young still! Prime example - Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Don’t stay unhappy just because you are too concerned you may be too old to find the one, that’s not living.

When you married him, that was the “happy ever after”. Nonsense, wasn’t it?

Aim for “often happy”, and don’t expect a man to provide it.

I didn’t meet my DH til I was 39. I didn’t have kids but he did. While it is logistically harder to have a new relationship with young kids millions do. But get out of this relationship first before thinking about a new one.

This. Plus many men (and women) put on a show at the beginning of a relationship.
As for a happy ever after OP, depends what you mean. Once you've got kids, they're always number one, so when you meet a new partner , it's not the same as when you fall in love with someone as a childless teenager, because it can't be-it would be weird if a parent put a new flame before their kids. You can't just put the new relationship first and run off on weekends away (not saying you can't go away, but it is definitely different having to organise childcare and be available).
But that doesn't mean you can't have a happy life in future, just like pp I would be careful of "perfect" men online.