5 yo prefers Mum putting her to bed and has massive meltdown if Dad's turn

[moowens]

My DD has increasingly been going cuckoo bananas at night when its Dad's turn to bring her to bed and do stories etc. She only wants me. She cries hysterically nad screams down to me 'Mummy I love you so much, I miss you'. Dad tries his best but sometimes it does get the better of him and he loses patience. But she is so persistent, even when Dad IS calm, reassuring, trying to help her regulate.
I don't really know what the triggers are for this. Maybe its not enough time with me, or me being the emotional landing pad for everyone in the house, but I am so exhausted.
I know she is dysresulating in these moments, but we can;t see a way through managing and she seems a bit old for these kinds of meltdowns. She was 5 in Oct and is very bright. Second one of these scenarios this week. Anyone else going through same? all advice welcome!!!

This is so, so common.

She will grow out of it.

Realise this doesnt help you much now.

This. Otherwise, if you are ill or need to do other things she will be too dependant upon you and it will be a major issue.

I think its best to get the dad and daughter to spend more time together.

Mine wouldn’t scream or shout about it but openly will say “ no dad, just mum” and has openly said I’m the favourite etc.
personally, I’d change things up now and again. Dad will get you ready for bed, I’ll do story but I have to do X first, next time leave them to it, then another night, I’m going to get you ready and then dad will come and read the story.
its tough going sometimes but rather than the fights/screaming etc sometimes just a little bit more reassurance that you’re still there is enough.
mine now 6 and much more willing for dad to do more which I’m pleased about for all of us!

I’d be going for a walk personally. Give them plenty of warning that you won’t be around for bedtime though.

Hi OP, we sort of go with what our little wants to keep peace here. I do all the bed times and baths - omg. She is 1 so still in nappies and thinks it’s the best thing to have me run after her to change her - every night it tahrs me about 2 hours. I work full time too. She just ways me to do it but she prefers his company when it’s dinner/breakfast. So we just go with that and it’s less exhausting than exerting our will. My rationale - which could be wrong - is that if I am her comfort at night/bed time then it is what it is. We all know she will grow out of it eventually. It’s like I go from one job to another as I have nothing to give once she is finally asleep and she has started sleep regression so once she is down I know I am going back there in a few hours so can’t even just unwind!!!

We had something similar around 3 and doing bedtime and bath time every night was wearing me down, so my husband took over and did them all for a few weeks and made them super fun and pleasant and didn't take long for her to obviously prefer him doing them :) We also do bedtime together sometimes as we juggle with the younger one, e.g., one does bath, one does books etc.

They flip between the two of you in my experience, they will come a time when it will be all about the other x Try not to worry, I used to get terribly upset when this happened, convinced myself I was rubbish parent and they didn’t love me, but as time has gone by I have see how it flips every few months or years. We decided on a routine to manage it and it seems to work well: daddy puts DS to bed Monday, Wednesday and Fridays, mummy puts DS to bed Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays with him being allowed to pick whoever on a Saturday.

So for five years you’ve equally split all of the bedtimes and now she has suddenly developed a preference for you? Is she unwell or brewing an illness?