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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Separated from ex - opinions on our Christmas plan

38 replies

Lennoxx · 02/12/2025 16:03

Seeking opinions on our Christmas plan this year as a newly separated family.

Ex has been vague as to the plans and time is ticking! He text saying he has arranged to be with his mother “as expected” and I will see DS1 but then “he will need to be with me” (meaning ex)

Plan
Ex comes to mine on Christmas morning, we spend a couple of hours together and watch the kids opening presents. Then ex takes DS1 to his mums and I take DS2 to my parents house.

I think this is the best we can hope for this year. It’s sad to split the siblings up, I’ll take the youngest and ex takes our teen to his mom’s very nice house.

It would be nice to think we could spend the day together but it is doubtful given how things are tense.

How does this plan sound?

OP posts:
JustMe2026 · 02/12/2025 18:19

In what way is any thought given to the kids, splitting them up wow 😳 not what I would be doing at all

Bess91 · 02/12/2025 18:30

I swear people are just posting absolute shit on the forums today for a laugh 🙃

Sunfloweranddaisy · 02/12/2025 18:36

im confused do your children have the same Dad? Or is he stepdad to the youngest- but then that doesn’t make sense either if you have only just separated🤔 more info definitely needed here

Brightbluesomething · 02/12/2025 19:08

Awful plan, poor kids. Is ex not wanting to parent the youngest so taking the easier teen with him? They need to go together or not at all. How on earth can you let them think their parents have chosen their favourite to go to family with? Whatever you say that’s how it looks.

Suednymph · 02/12/2025 19:09

It is very selfish to split up the kids if you are both their parents.

Original poster
Lennoxx · 02/12/2025 19:32

Sunfloweranddaisy · 02/12/2025 18:36

im confused do your children have the same Dad? Or is he stepdad to the youngest- but then that doesn’t make sense either if you have only just separated🤔 more info definitely needed here

They have the same Dad

OP posts:
Fends · 02/12/2025 19:35

Why would you split the kids?!

supersonicginandtonic · 02/12/2025 19:36

My elder children are now 16 and 18, I've been separated from their dad for 12 years. They open presents at mine and then we drop them at their dads at 1pm where they have Christmas with his family. Been the same every year and it works well.

TheShadowOfTheWizard · 02/12/2025 19:43

Sorry to echo others but it sounds unfair on the kids I'm afraid.

Original poster
Lennoxx · 02/12/2025 19:45

Zempy · 02/12/2025 17:51

I feel like there’s a lot of missing information here?

Really struggling to come up with a plan that is fair for all. It is very complicated. DS2 has high needs and is probably more like a small toddler in his understanding. DS1 resides mostly with his Dad. I know I’ve posted before but I’m struggling to know what to do for the best. That seemed like the most workable solution. DS1 - birthday on Boxing Day which we will probably have to split. I’ll be gutted to only see DS for a couple of hours on Christmas morning but I’m not sure how else we could manage it. Ex has already arranged to go over his mothers and she definitely would not have our youngest there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lennoxx · 02/12/2025 19:47

Lennoxx · 02/12/2025 19:45

Really struggling to come up with a plan that is fair for all. It is very complicated. DS2 has high needs and is probably more like a small toddler in his understanding. DS1 resides mostly with his Dad. I know I’ve posted before but I’m struggling to know what to do for the best. That seemed like the most workable solution. DS1 - birthday on Boxing Day which we will probably have to split. I’ll be gutted to only see DS for a couple of hours on Christmas morning but I’m not sure how else we could manage it. Ex has already arranged to go over his mothers and she definitely would not have our youngest there.

Show quote history

Ex has also told DS1 about the idea to go over mine on Christmas morning (before we actually had a chance to talk ourselves)

OP posts:
Zempy · 02/12/2025 19:48

Your child’s grandmother won’t allow her grandchild in her house at Christmas?

Soontobe60 · 02/12/2025 19:52

Your ‘plan’ is awful!
Tell your ex that he can pick up both the children on Christmas Day at 2pm then you’ll pick them up from his house on Boxing Day at the same time. What he does with them in his time is up to him. Don’t have him at yours on Christmas morning to play happy families, that’s unfair on your DC.

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