AIBU to be upset that my partner never suggests doing anything together

[carlottavaldes]

In my relationship, I'm always the one who suggests doing things together. This includes everything from holidays to meals out to socialising with friends to day trips. The only thing my partner ever suggests is going on a walk.

I want a relationship where we do all these things but I don't want it to be one-sided - I want a partner who also wants to get out in the world and have new experiences. I worry that if I stop arranging things, we'll stop doing anything.

At the start of our relationship he was much more motivated and would book things for us to do. I've talked to him about it many times and he says he'll change but he doesn't.

Also, he doesn't do these things reluctantly - he always enjoys them and tells me so. It's like he's just got used to me being his personal organiser.

Has anyone else experienced this and how did you redress the balance? I'm tempted to stop all arranging to see if that motivates him into action.

If he wanted to he would.

Mine is the same. It's always me who suggests coffee out, lunch out or a break away somewhere. i actually said to him "It would be nice if you suggested we do something some time" He agreed but it's never happened.

James, I'd like you to arrange something for us to do next Saturday. I will pop in the calendar to make sure we are both free. Am really looking forward to spending time with you.

I've talked to him about it many times and he says he'll change but he doesn't

You know he wont change, he's happy leaving the work to you and shows you repeatedly that he doesn't care about your happiness.
Also, what the first repy said is correct.

Mine was the same.

I organised child care and booked a nice restaurant thinking we could have some nice time alone together.

He was on his phone most of the time as he was at a crucial point in a game and he was keeping up with chat in a mates WhatsApp group.

That was a contributing factor into ending it for me.

I think you probably need to decide if this is your hill to die on. I organise more stuff in my relationship but he will suggest spur of the moment stuff like "shall we go to X today" if I haven't previously arranged anything. He wouldn't typically think to book a meal out, whereas I do and he's happy to come (we share finances so it's not a case of he's happy to come because I am paying). It might be nice if he did more of it but equally I never remember to fill up the screenwash on the car so I guess he could moan about that. Fundamentally I feel our relationship is fair so I don't need him to do 50% of a certain thing; overall it's fine. If it's not fine for you then this might have to be your hill to die on - I don't think he will change.

My ex was like this. Only wanted to do stuff he liked. Really flaky. Note “ex”

She can add which hill to her list of things to organise

Mine is the same - if it wasn’t for me he quite happy work and Tv.

Certainly doesn't sound like he'll be organising the trip 😂