Xmas Decs

[KatDa]

My brother was murdered on Xmas Eve 4 years ago, Since then we have never put up decorations, since we dont have anything to celebrate.

We moved to a new house in the summer in a small Close of 10 houses. All the other houses are decked out for Xmas and yesterday evening one of the residents of the Close knocked on our door and asked when we were putting up our lights and intimated that that we were letting the other homeowners down by not doing so.

I dont want to publicisize the reasons why, since the person who murdered my bro has not been cauught. So what should I do ?

Just say you don't celebrate Christmas.

Perhaps say that Christmas is a painful time for you and ask them to respect your privacy. Then thank them in advance for their understanding.

I dont think that will satisfy the other residents. They are very tight knot community

This is a good answer.

Doesn't matter, if it will satisfy them. It's none of their business.

I think I'd tell them you have your reasons and leave it at that . No need to say why .
My father died on 27th December ( quite a few years ago ) and that always hangs over our Christmas .

Well what did do you when they were stood in your doorstep?

Oh don’t be silly
you have just moved in

“my brother passed away around Christmas time and it’s a difficult time for the family so we’d rather not put up lights. Yours look lovely though”

Agreed. You don’t owe these guys your life story. Your Xmas timetable is none of their business.

Tell them the truth. Maybe that will stun them into silence and make them feel uncomfortable.

The cheeky gits!

This is perfect. And if, after that, you get any pushback, you’re completely entitled to shit it down very aggressively. I’m sorry to hear what has happened.

You shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.

Also, have you had any counselling since your brothers death ? What sort of person was he? Would he have wanted you to stop having Christmas, or would he have wanted you to carry on?

I'm sorry for your loss.
I'd find it incredibly rude that they came and knocked on your door to specifically ask about your lack of decorations! I could potentially understand if they were walking past and you were in the front garden, having a chat and it being mentioned in passing- but to physically interrogate you at the front door is frankly bizarre.

I agree, you don't owe them anything, say its a difficult time etc. As someone else said, have you had any counselling or support for your loss?

What did you say when they knocked on your door though? (And you’ve name changed, by the way).

Put a note up in the window saying you’re Zoroastrian and don’t celebrate Christmas

I think you need to give some indication that it is a painful/difficult time, without being specific.

Of course they are being pushy and silly about it, but people do that about all sorts of stuff, especially in small communities.

Make it clear that it is a serious and significant thing, and that will act as a good test. If they are reasonable neighbors they will back off after that. If they don't? Then stand your ground, but you might be in for an uncomfortable time living in a close community of unreasonable and not empathetic people.

Gosh I bet that was hard. You don't have to tell them anything apart from that you have your reasons. If it pisses them off so what. Opposite spectrum we had our neighbour comment on why our lights were up so early. We just commented that it had been a crap couple of weeks and we wanted a bit of festive cheer. They don't know the real reasons although I'm sure they'll guess soon enough but it's nobodies business but yours.

Fuck what they think.

They sound like complete weirdos and cult-like if they want the whole street to trim up.

I’m sorry to hear about your brother. You absolutely do not need to tell them the reason or any reason, why you’re not putting decorations or lights up.

I think you need to post some notes back or just have a word and tell them what actually happened. It would probably shock them into shutting up, I mean what can you really say to argue against that.

Saw your update, that would be like a red rag to a bull to me....

cue one dilapidated sofa, maybe a fridge... front and centre... festooned with the neighbour's lights.

Not sure how the name change happened.

The second note was just pushed thru the door. I didn't see who delivered it

Yes, but the first time when they knocked on the door - what did you tell them? Nobody can really suggest what else to say without knowing what you have tried.

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your brother, I can't imagine how painful this is for you. If/when someone knocks again could you say something along the lines of 'The street looks beautiful. I appreciate we don't know eachother but I have experienced a family bereavement very close to Christmas. It has been a very distressing time for our family and for us, it does not feel right to decorate, for now'

or similar. It should make any decent person think twice about not minding their own foooking lights in the future.

If you get more probing, just say 'It is all very raw, and personal. I don't want to talk about it.

Sending you prayers, healing and wishes of peace OP.

I'm in a close of 10 houses, having moved in September last year.
Last Christmas I was the only house that didn't have any sort of Christmas lights up that were visible from the street.
I did have a thought this year of, "oh... maybe I could put some lights up in the front window?" But then thought, "fuck it, why should I?"
I don't have any other lights available, nor the means to hang them, nor the spare funds to use on "keeping up with the neighbours"!