Husband keeps shrinking my cashmere jumpers

[noodlemcnoodle]

Hi,
Over the past 5 years my husband has shrunk 4 of my cashmere jumpers. I do the vast majority of the laundry, but from time to time he has done it and has shrunk 4 of my cashmere jumpers. I lost it last week when he did it again and have insisted that he replace it. He suggested tonight that I should put my jumpers in a separate bag in the laundry basket so he doesn't shrink them. He pointed out that he doesn't shrink his.. that because he rarely washes his jumpers! Anyway, this made me really angry, he can't take the time to do the laundry properly, separate whites and darks and not bloody shrink my jumpers!! Why am I having to make accomodations for his lack of care ! Am I bring unreasonable?

Living alone is wonderful. I do my own laundry without an incompetent in the house, he sounds like a child you have to chastise.

TBH I would never put cashmere in the laundry basket for washing IF someone else also did the laundry

I do it here, so I can, but I often have stuff sat in there for a couple of weeks as it cant go into the wash that Im doing. But that's ok cos its me sorting the wash, I know what can be washed with what

Same as I know I need to dry certain jumpers flat - he would hang them and stretch them , I know what Im happy to put in the drier and what Im not

DH does his own work clothes and maybe bedding , but our good clothes - nope

We have a separate basket for delicates, which I deal with. Though tbh I deal with all the laundry apart from his stinky sports gear, which is totally his responsibility, thank goodness.

I love my cashmere jumpers and they come out fine on a wool wash in the machine. He's not let near them in case he puts them in the tumble dryer, though to be fair I think he has more sense than to do that.

Voted yabu as they shouldn't have been in the washing pile. And four times, I mean, there was time there for lessons learned. All my knits are cashmere or wool and none have ever got near the washing basket. I'm a slattern about some things, but when I've spent actual thousands (over years, I should say) you'd better believe I'm looking after those babies.

Only mishap was when DH had put a beloved wool hat of his in the pile, and it did go in a wash and was shrunk. I was very apologetic but he accepted his error and I mine and lessons were learned.

This would happen to me if I weren't in charge of laundry.
My husband has a PhD but not a clue about the different washing machine programmes and what they are for

Your cashmere jumpers should not be in the general laundry bin in the first place. Anything that requires special handling should be separated out in advance. Pockets should already be emptied, etc. even stains should be pretreated or the items should at least be flagged somehow.

If you can’t be bothered to do that and your clothing is damaged, it isn’t the fault of the person doing the laundry. Inspecting each piece as you wash is inefficient.

I barely wash my cashmere. Unless it had some kind of mess on it that can't be spot cleaned, it all goes in a gentle wool cycle once at the end of winter.

I always wear it with a layer underneath, and I hang inside out to air (sometimes with a spritz of fabric refresher) after wearing. That's all it needs and it lasts forever when treated like this.

You absolutely can machine wash cashmere
Put it in a cold and gentle wash with woolite, take it out, gently oull into shape, and wrap it in a clean, dry towel, Swiss roll style. Place it rolled up on a rack overnight, and in the morning re-roll it with another clean, dry towel, pulling into shape as needed. In the evening, lay it out flat on a sweater rack and pull gently into shape again as needed.

I've never wrecked a single cashmere or 'dry clean only' item using this method. I've even washed a wool peacoat that came back from the dry cleaners with the same dirty spot it was dripped off with.

@noodlemcnoodleYour H is telling you he doesn't want to do laundry.

Make him replace the jumpers, and he needs to apologize for ruining them.

Keep your cashmere separate and do it yourself in future. Make sure you keep him doing laundry though, and make him replace anything he destroys.

You should definitely put delicates separate from the main laundry

I wear cashmere and silk, I love those fabrics. But it's my choice to wear higher maintenance clothes and I don't think it's fair to inflict responsibility for their care on the rest of my family. Having a separate laundry bag for delicates that I look after has saved arguments and disappointment, I recommend it.

My husband ruined my favorite sweater when we were first married. He couldn’t replace it, but he offered to, and he was very apologetic.

This reminds me...ds had moved out, but left a tshirt in the laundry. It was a grungy white Nirvana t. I washed it a few times before it was a nice clean white. When ds came by I gave it to him and he was shocked. He said he had washed it with darks deliberately to get it just right.

Cashmere = High maintenance = You wash it yourself!

This is why I avoid cashmere - I prefer low maintenance clothes.

I feel like you need to take some responsibility here too, by not putting delicate clothes in the normal washing basket.

This is a perfect example of the “mental load”. He thinks he is doing the washing. And technically he is. But she still has to sort it and make sure her things aren’t ruined.

You need a dedicated bag for hand wash only items.

Yes, your DH should replace the item as it was his fourth mistake. Though, after one mishap, no handwash items should ever go in the general wash pile.

A mistake is too easy and too costly.

I don't agree (and I do agree that 'mental load' is a thing!).

If the clothing owner has put an item in the family laundry, I think it's their responsibility to ensure that it's ready to go in a family wash. They need to have removed any headphones (DH) or tissues (DD) and I can sort it into white/coloured at the point of it going in. If a jumper was put in the wash, it's fair game for a normal cycle.

Anything 'special' (this would be rare for us) would be separate. A laundry bag is a very good idea-just keep that in the laundry bag and put stuff in it and it's marked out.

As the one who does most of the washing because I'm at home, I am not sorting through each item to check they are ok to wash/pockets empty.

I definitely don’t think it’s deliberate incompetence as some PPs have said as it can happen to anyone if you don’t use a delicates laundry bag. Also you’d think it was the fifties on here sometimes so hurrah for fairer sharing out of the domestic work.

If you’ve spent lots of money on a cashmere jumper surely it’s worth putting in a separate bag and solving the problem. Justhave a better system - no need for disagreements. DH does most of our laundry and just leaves my delicates bag (only kids cotton PE bag) for me to sort.

Whatever you do, never, get a Bosch washer/dryer, it shrinks almost everything. You’re very lucky on those grounds.

I feel for you OP.

However, I myself have shrunk about the same number of my own over that time period. I just do the laundry on autopilot and I forget to check, and about half the time I forget. I mostly no longer buy them.

I think in situations like this you sometimes have to simply accept the reality that your dh cannot reliably remember to check for special clothing in the wash, because he has some kind of brain block about it, and just keep those things separate. Don't put them i with the other laundry. You can do them yourself or in all likelihood, he would be fine with an all-jumper wash.

Yes you are being unreasonable,what on earth are you putting a cashmere jumper in the hamper for machine mashing for? No matter who washed it washing them by machine will ruin them, even a delicates wash will severely shorten their life- surely you realise some things can't be machine washed?

Wash it yourself, not his fault you want to wear such high maintenance clothing