I’m finally brave enough to get a restraining order… BUT

[NeedingASafeSpace]

He is threatening me with all sorts.

he’s saying how I’ll lose my kids. How he can prove that I abused him in front of his children. How he’s going to tell my council I stayed at his place while I am living in temporary accommodation (he pressured me to as he accused me of texting other men when I stayed alone). He was screaming down a voice note saying how I’ll cause loads of “shit” he text my dad saying “sort your daughter out before she causes shit”. I told him he cannot discuss our DS amicably without trying to control me (he rang me and told me how he’s so over me and has had anal sex with a woman and slept with others since me when there was no mention of anything to do with us and I tried to only talk about my son) he tried dictating to me when he would have my son and I my son isn’t even 2. I can’t deal with this. He harasses my dads phone about me and slanders me on social media calling me controlling when it’s him who’s the big bully!
finally I have snapped and told him he cannot discuss our take me to court to see our son. He lost it(his temper)
I told him how he’s had physically attacked me in front of my son screamed at me in front of him and ripped my things from my hands etc showing him that’s acceptable and I am not having it. I said he’s out of control and I want him no where near my son. He’s threatening me so much.

Thank you for your advice. Your background has given me a lot of confidence actually. He did tackle me to the ground in front of my son although I don’t have any evidence other than me texting him telling him how he is wrong for it and then he doesn’t deny it but doesn’t confirm it either. He’s absuive through and through my man concern is if my son challenges me ruining a relationship with him and his father when he’s older. Although my son’s father has another son who doesn’t talk to him. He used to take him out at 17 drinking and encouraging (in fact getting him girls) to cheat on his girlfriend because he was “too young to be in a serious relationship”. I told him he was wrong for doing this but I don’t want this type of stuff for my son.

Back those voice notes up so he can’t delete them from his side.

These are your exhibits for your non-mol application. If you have other evidence, add it all.

They will grant it as it’s much, much easier to get through the civil (family) court yourself than reporting him to the police and getting one through the criminal court.

The civil process will make it a criminal offence for him to contact or come near you/your family. He will be instantly arrested the second he does.

Reporting to the police means they “warn him” a number of times before passing anything to the CPS, which can take months and they may not even prosecute or it will take ages.

When you do your application, request a hearing without notice and you’ll be heard and have an order within a week.

It is in your son's best interests NOW to protect you both from this violent bully. It is your job as a mum to keep you both safe. If your son is upset with you later down the line, then that is something you deal with then.

Yes very true. I fee so guilty. I know I shouldn’t because he is awful and abusive. But it’s such a huge decision I feel bad on the “what if” this negatively affects my child. Although I do feel like this is the best choice I can make right now.

I too work in the arena, I never said not to bother, I said there’s a need to be realistic.

Yes, and my original response, that you responded to, was to someone else. The quote facility shows who someone is replying to, you responded to my response to someone else. I never said you said anything, since I wasn't responding to you.

Before you can worry about how your son feels at 17, make sure you and he are still around and in one piece to have the luxury of being a teenager cross with their Mum.

As others have said - act now.

Chillingly true statement! X

Restraining orders do work - maybe not in every case but they do work.

@NeedingASafeSpace you need to make sure the non molestation order carries powers of arrest, this means if he breaks it the police can arrest him. They'll be powerless if the order doesn't give them powers of arrest.

Contact the dv team at your local council and get some support from them.