To struggle with loud DC

[Nowwehaveanother]

Everything is… so fucking loud

decides he wants to dress as a builder; charge upstairs, school uniform flung to all four corners of this county, rummaged through drawers and cupboards in hunt of this builder, comes downstairs dressed as a builder banging his (toy) axe into everything, going WOO WOO WOO randomly.

wants our attention - mummy MUMMY

shouts, crashes, bangs, yells …

and yes I have tried politely asking him to make less noise.

he is 5

and I am tired!

Sadly this is age appropriate developmental behaviour.

I strongly recommend buying yourself some ear defenders and/or loop earplugs, while continuing to redirect the noise.

Sorry its just normal 5 year old behaviour.

People can say "it's just normal 5 year old behaviour" which may be true but it doesn't help, at all.

OP - I empathise with you. My son is 7 and is still as loud as anything and I don't know how he has so much energy! I would stick on some noise cancelling headphones and just try to distract myself with something else x

Don’t they stop you hearing anything, though? I don’t massively like things in my ears but the noise from him is pretty … intense.

You need loops,they do help I always need mine for tea cooking time (I've a 5 year old).

Loops don't. They dim the noise. But I can't wear them because none of the tips fit in my ears, because my ears are fucking awkward 😂 noise cancelling headphones work similarly. They don't block out all noise (unless you're playing music). I use over-ear ones

I just really hate headphones! Not sure which is worse. Plus the kids would try to take them off me anyway

Loops come in different types. Some block all noise but some are designed to filter the annoying stuff out. Kids won't realize you're wearing them.

Loops take the pitch out of the whining that runs through your soul and tries to make you go at your own eyeballs with a tea spoon. They're very good, and you can still hear the words/noise.

I’ve felt so overwhelmed today OP. I have a 5 year old he talks all the fucking time. I love him so much and lots of his chat is very cute but oh my god. I dream of quiet. I have an older one who is quieter but then the two of them start arguing and I’m overwhelmed again. I couldn’t eat this evening as the noise was so loud. Sympathies.

My sibling has a non verbal child so I also feel like a complete arsehole for struggling with this.

Also my husband has a cold so he is sniffing, throat clearing and generally adding to the noise.

Not really. They just sort of muffle the worst of it.

The best ones I had for muffling noise were from flare audio but I couldn't get them back out of my ears once they were in. Loops felt much safer and secure but I still prefer actual ear defenders. If I didn't have ear defenders I would go barmy.

Which loops would you recommend?

You don't have to accept this. Most DC are not impossibly loud around the house and when my DC were too loud, I told them kindly to quiet down.

Ask for what you want. Teach your DC to do what you want. (Don't buy expensive gadgets to hide from an issue you can sort easily by engaging with another human and using your words)

I'd address this directly with your DC. Sit him down and kindly explain that he is too loud. Point out that you and your DP/DH do not make lots of loud noises/shout at each other. Tell him he needs to use his 'indoor voice'.
If he can remember not to run across the road; if he can remember not to shout at his teachers; he can tone it down at home.
And every time he's too loud, say, 'Felix, use your indoor voice.' and make him turn down the volume. OR send him out into the garden ...

When my DCs were small, I was amazed at what basics I had to spell out for them in short words but it was really that and that is parenting. Even though they were plenty clever in lots of ways, they still needed to be told sometimes.

This reminds me of when I took my son to SALT at our local GP/multi clinic practice.

While we were waiting a well meaning woman probably waiting for a routine GP appointment said "he's quiet isn't he, mine don't stop talking, count yourself lucky" and I wanted to cry because 1. At that point in time I would have given anything for a thousand Mummy Mummy Mummys, and 2. He's anything but quiet he just doesn't speak.

I think it was a case of the grass is always greener on the other side from both of us.

Clearly she was often overwhelmed, and thought I had a better, quieter life, and I thought she had a better, more communicative life.

You are allowed your own struggles without comparing your life to anybody else's. You are only human. Don't let other people's situations dictate your feelings about your own situation. You're just a mum out there doing her best.

I really like the trio ones with the toggles for different levels of distortion. They are their most expensive ones though.

Amazon do generic loop knock offs which also work a treat in a pinch especially if you are prone like me to losing little fiddly things.

Thanks, that’s so lovely and kind of you. Most of the time it’s not too bad but today has been a bad day 🥴 I am really grateful that he is able to communicate and also that he wants to talk to me. But sometimes it’s just too much. Also cursing my in laws who bought him a karaoke set for his last birthday.

Sounds tonme like they really need a slime making kit to keep at their house for christmas this year.

Sounds tonme like they really need a slime making kit to keep at their house for christmas this year.

I get that. My ds has a sister and she’s not as loud and tbh exuberant … love his energy but it’s hard at this time of year. And they argue and she whines and he shouts and never stops talking. My friend also has a non verbal son, so you feel bad!

@tarheelbaby theres always someone who decides that all it will take is firmly telling him. I have asked / told him to keep it down so many times. I can literally say ‘ds, dd is going to sleep, please whisper.’ He’ll agree and thirty seconds later bellow MUMMY

i don’t wish to spend my life butting heads with him and I often feel I am dangerously close to that as it is, especially on evenings like this when I’m tired, heavy rain, DH deciding to drill a hole in the wall (ffs!)

Yeah I tried asking mine to be quiet too. It works for about 3 secs then he starts up again. I don’t actually think he can help it but I do keep trying whilst also trying not to dampen his spirit too much.

He’s in bed now singing his little heart out. Loudly.