To find it interesting when a man is the one who files for divorce?

[HeFiledFirst]

Not trying to be shady, just something I genuinely notice. In most cases I’ve seen (and statistically too, I think), it’s usually the woman who files for divorce. So when it’s the man who files first, it always makes me pause.

It makes me wonder, was he deeply unhappy? Was she blindsided? Was it strategic? Or did he just check out before she could?

There’s no “right” side to be on obviously, every relationship is different but I always find it interesting when the dynamic flips like that. Especially since it challenges the narrative that women are the ones who always walk away first.

AIBU to think that who files can say a lot more than people admit?

Here we go again.

I’d say it’s usually because he’s the one who’s had the affair and wants to be free to start a new life with the OW. Not particularly interesting, original or complex.

My abusive ex filed against me despite me instigating the split because he wanted to set the narrative. Didn’t make a difference to me as all I cared about was being divorced.

My ex h was the one who cheated and left but it was me who filed for divorce (a few years later). I guess the man is most likely to file if he wants to remarry or release equity from a family home.

Does it matter who files the paperwork? Divorce isn’t the first step, it’s the last step. Both parties will be aware it’s coming, could be mutual?

My ex divorced me. He was the one having an affair, but he wanted me to say I was having an affair to save face.

I just couldn’t bring myself to give a shit what it says on a piece of paper and let him get on with it. It was all done in a quick way, I never even spoke to a solicitor (there was fuck all money and he only wanted ds every other weekend, so paying solicitors would have been pointless).

I instigated our divorce..I just realized one day id been emotionally abused for 32 years and I wasn't going to put up with it anymore.. i think her narrative is she divorced me.. been an excruciating near 2 years. I've met someone else who is actually kind to me and I have realised I wasted a large part of my life..Ive had to put it down to experience or not frys my brain

It’s no fault these days so it really doesn’t matter at all who makes the first move…

Filing for divorce is not the same as ending a relationship. Looking around people I know (not a huge sameple) the ending of the relationship is 50/50
man and women but the admin of that always seems to be left to the women.

I reckon more women file for divorce because they are the admin person. My STBEXH cheated and came out at the same time. I filed because I wanted it done propetly and if I left it to him it'd be a shambles

I filed for divorce yesterday...because my ex is rubbish at completing any paperwork or organising anything at all He's the one who left. He's the one who had the affair. He's the one who is taking no responsibility- financially or otherwise- for the family he has just left behind to be with the OW.
Not sure what that says about me? That I've had enough of being treated like shit?

It doesn't matter who files where we live. Costs get split anyway and my solicitor wants paying regardless.

I filed first probably because I’ve done everything else in our marriage so I wasn’t going to wait for him to do it.

By exH did because he likes to be the one in control, didn’t like me having my own opinion and standards.

My friend is divorcing his wife because she is unkind, distant and they lead separate lives. She has no interest in him at all. He is not lining the next woman up, he’s just fed up of being ignored and shouted at even though he’s a hard worker who does the lions share of the housework etc. it’s not always another woman.

DB filed because his wife had an affair. She wasn't filing because she hoped to patch things up.

This was the case for my friend;her ex wouldn’t agree to the divorce she asked for unless she let the petty twat file for it and she took the blame for unreasonable behaviour on the paperwork.

It was another pathetic attempt at coercive control on his part.

I'm a guy, my wife had the affair, I filed for divorce. Partly so it ten years time I can point at it and tell the kids thats why.

Controversial/easily discussed opening - and let’s see if the OP returns.

Hasn’t yet!

No point commenting until the OP returns.

I know three couples where the husband filed for divorce.

One was because his wife informed him one day that she had ordered a new car for her parents, and presented the bill to him.

One was because he caught his wife cheating on their honeymoon.

And the third was because his wife faked a suicide attempt in such a way that their 13 year old would be the first to find her, and refused to get help.