Husband is being really nice which makes me realise he’s not been nice lately

[bluedinos]

We’ve been married 12 years and have 3 children, 2 older and a one year old which he really wanted.

But during the pregnancy he was short with me a lot and rude at times and I remember sitting on my bed to get away from him wondering if the pregnancy was a mistake and imagining so many times leaving him because he was so awful to me but things usually blew over.
He blamed his moods and snappiness on frustration with the kids but looking back he was just irritable and quite rude and angry.
Over the last few months he’s been really loving and attentive which is a bit out of the blue, I actually feel like we’re a team instead of against each other and he seems to genuinely care about me again which although good has just really highlighted how poorly he spoke to me last year and how awful he was for a while.
He was distant and didn’t really bond with the baby even though it was him who kept wanting to try for a 3rd which wasn’t easy hence the age gap.
I love how our marriage is now and this is how I wish it would always be but I keep wondering why he changed last year and why he was the way he was for those months during the pregnancy.
Why the sudden lovingness and adoration has comeback now as if I’m suddenly the most important person in the world after after feeling so detached.
I find that really confusing, we’ve been ok prior to that.

Why the sudden lovingness and adoration has comeback now as if I’m suddenly the most important person in the world after after feeling so detached.

have you asked him?

He wouldn’t agree he was any different. It’s only the sudden change that I notice like constantly saying I love you and telling me how much I mean to him, texting me how much he misses me when he’s working.
Last year he was constantly short with me and I felt very unloved and invisible, I often thought about leaving because of the way he was but now a sudden u turn and he’s the most affectionate and intensive man in the world.

He didn’t feel anything at all when his much wanted son was born and just seemed vacant.

And before he was a twat, what was he like? How long was he a twat for?

He’s been having an affair and most likely is being nicer as he feels guilty

This could be a possibility.

I don’t mean it to sound like he can’t win but I don’t understand the sudden change in him.
Does it not seem a bit suspicious?

All of last summer he was cold and irritable, it seems like it was just during the pregnancy.
Before that all was fine for the 12 years we have been together.

How was your sex life while you were pregnant? Could it be as simple as he now feels like his needs are being fulfilled? It's pretty grim if that is the reason, but it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

Or is there some other way that he feels happier at home, are you on mat leave and taking care of more of the chores? has he had work stress that has now resolved etc?

Sex has been fine all along, I hadn’t yet gone back to work since the other children so no change there and he has the same job.

My ex, who was usually narky, would periodically turn all nice for a few days because he wanted sex. It never lasted long (the niceness or the sex 😂) before hey presto! There he was, back to his usual twat self.

Sorry, but if he is now choosing to be nice to you, OP, it therefore follows that he was choosing to be horrible, before. And yes, my first thought too was that he had been having an affair.

This is what I was thinking but I’ll never know because of course he won’t tell me.

Perhaps he was just down about something, then had some reflection and felt better. We all go through cycles, get affected by something (or even nothing) then perk up again. I think it’s impossible to say - he may not even have realised it himself. I wouldn’t jump to the affair conclusion.

It does feel a bit like constant reassurance.

I am clutching at straws because everyone says another woman (which would 100% be my thought) but was he struggling with his MH?

At the time did you not ask him why he was suddenly treating you so badly? Would he have had time to fit in an affair?

Has experience has taught you that you can't trust him and his moods?
Did you guys have a big sit down talk or anything and he's trying harder? Is family life getting easier or his job?
Anyway, enjoy while it lasts and I hope the new improved hubby stays now.

Gee, maybe his mental health has improved for some reason and maybe he’s finding life easier now the children are slightly older. Why pick faults with the past when you like the present. You are just trying to be unhappy.

Could be a big financial stressor has been removed e.g. paid off a mortgage or similar.

Could be his mistress has kicked him out and threatened to tell you and he is ingratiate himself.

Could be you had depression yourself and that was altering your perception.

We could speculate all day. Ask him.

Sadly my first thought but that’s the cynic in me.

He was frustrated with married life during your pregnancy because he felt obligated to stick with you but maybe his infatuation or actual OW got wind of your new baby & dumped him?

Maybe he suddenly got a guilt complex and dumped her?

He’s now realised where his bread is buttered and is turning his poor attitude around?

Im glad things are working out now and together you’re back on track. I hope you remain a loving couple because the alternative ain’t great.

I don’t think he has had an actual affair but it’s possible that he had feelings for someone else and maybe that’s faded out and he’s concentrating on us.
He works in a small team of mostly men with a couple of woman but I don’t think he would be their type even if he may have liked one of them even if it wasn’t reciprocated or maybe he thought or hoped it might have been while in deep infatuation.