aibu to say something to the new basketball coach

[TSnewbie]

My 8 year old plays basketball. There are some really strong kids in the team, he is rather in the middle category and then there are some really not so good ones. There is also a shortage of coaches, so the whole team was happy when they found a new volunteer coach. I'm watching almost every match and I've noticed that the new coach would have some kids playing all 4 quarters and some of the not so good ones only get put in the field for 1 quarter. The rules are that you can swap your players throughout the match so in theory, the coach could put the not so good kids on for 5-10 minutes in order not to loose a whole quarter if you see what I mean. I feel for the kids that have to sit on the bench for 45 minutes: it is cold, they are bored and they must feel left out. I therefore nicely (really!) asked the new coach after the last match whether it wouldn't be better to make sure that also the not so good kids play longer (in shorter stretches). I also mentioned that the purpose of youth basketball must be that all kids get equal playing time. The reaction of the coach was that he felt criticized in his decisions he has quit on the spot. Several parents spoke up to defend the coach and I also regret that he has taken this decision. Was I wrong to speak up? My son wasn't there when this went on, but I'm sure he will be annoyed with me as well once he finds out.

I think that unless you are willing to coach, you should keep your criticism to yourself. Find another team if you don't like their ethos.

I have seen more than one kid's sports team ruined by parents who think they know better than the coaches (and coaches too weak to tell them to fuck off).

Also, 8 year olds basketball games are 45 minutes long?!

The coach sounds like a prima donna. If he can't handle parents asking questions - nicely or not so nicely - then perhaps this isn't the place for him.

Having said that, this is a perennial issue with basketball teams and really does seem to depend on the club/coach's approach to games. is it all about winning, at all costs? In which case, many players will be left on the bench so that the coach can focus on the "good ones". If it's a more community approach. (which, I would argue, at this age, it should ALWAYS be), then of course it should be more shared out.

Incidentally, I don't know where you play, but I would wonder if he's had comments from other teams or officials? I ask because some leagues mandate that you cannot have the same players on for Q1 and Q2 (or some force a swap half way through Q1 and Q2 - depends on age and league I think) and other coaches, table officials and refs are supposed to track this and/or insist on it. Coaches that try to get around this are generally viewed pretty negatively, particularly in the younger age groups. The problem is a lot of volunteer coaches don't bother to read up on the specific league rules so it's not unusual for there to be friction until the club insists they start to follow them.

There is also a shortage of coaches

and
a new volunteer coach.

the clue is in the word VOLUNTEER.

Of course you were wrong, and bloody cheeky. You expect someone else to do all the work, and you do nothing yourself but you criticise?

Well done on him to quit and not put up with parents like you.

Now you might technically not be wrong, but until you are involved, then you shut up.

Why haven't you volunteer? You are watching every match, so you obviously have the time. Coach or something else, even the paperwork that goes with all these activities, have you offered to help?

The only words anyone should be saying to a volunteer coach is ‘thank you’.

I don’t disagree with you that his approach is wrong, but then your options are 2 - 1. Do it yourself or 2. Find a different team

Fair play to the volunteer coach I say.

Once one parent starts telling him how to do his job, all the parents will be sticking their oar in.

On you this one that team have lost coach.

I think it's surprising that he quit but you really shouldn't have said anything. Unless there is an issue involving safety then you should have left him to it (or volunteered for the job yourself).

Thanks for the mixed comments! I fully appreciate that volunteering is a wonderful thing and I have volunteered in other activities for many years. As for this sport: it is a very male thing in my region and I don't think any of the dads would ever accept a simple woman as coach of their boys. It is just not on. I was very well aware of the sensitivities that is why i genuinely brought it as a suggestion - in line with the policy - and not criticism. But he clearly took it as criticism. So on the one hand I feel really bad, on the other hand I'm also a bit miffed that it took one nicely worded suggestion to make him quit.

I agree with you OP that the kids should be given a more equal time during the match but like PP's say its a volunteer role and coaches are hard to come by. We are struggling to find a coach for our sons team, his incredibly unsporty dad is considering doing the training course next year so they have one.

it is a very male thing in my region and I don't think any of the dads would ever accept a simple woman as coach of their boys. It is just not on.

Oh please

If you have the right competence, what do you think they will do?
Remove their child? Of course they won't.

Offer to volunteer instead? Bet they won't either 😂

It's a poor excuse.

Without question, 8 year old kids should be given equal time on the court/field. In any sport.

I coach soccer, not basketball, but the rule for our association is that all players are required a minimum amount of play (20 minutes), not an equal time. They may be 8, but they are still competetive games. Better players will get the most time, but everyone gets a chance to play in every game.

Yep, you were wrong.

sorry, but either do the role yourself or accept the way he does it. Volunteers are hard to come by and you were clearly the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Out of curiosity, how do you translate that on the sports where YOU are a volunteer coach?

Did you say it on the group WhatsApp instead of in a private conversation? We've had a bit if a similar situation in my sons sport recently. I was going to say something this week but it seems to have been sorted by one of the parents having a private word.

People do feel attacked when they're criticised in public.

Edit to say i was going to have a private word with the coach had the issue not have been resolved

I also mentioned that the purpose of youth basketball must be that all kids get equal playing time.

Is that in the policy though? You said there's unlimited subbing. That does not necessarily mean equal time, that's just what you think should happen. If it actually IS the policy, that's different.

I don’t understand your question?

I’ve volunteered before. Netball, as it happens. All kids were given equal time on the court. They were learning. Of course they should be have equal game time. Higher Secondary school was a bit different, it’s more competitive, the games are a bit more higher stakes.

How did that look? Well each child played an equal number of quarters. Usually 2 or 3. If numbers meant things couldn’t quite work out, you’d equalise things the next week.