For wanting my ex back

[KuromiCat]

I know I’m going to get hate for this but I want to be back with my ex, we have children but we’ve been split up years but I just cannot get over him. Ive tried and I've tried but it doesn’t get better. Time doesn’t heal anything.
I did get to a point when I thought I was over him and didn’t want him back but now it’s come back even more intense than ever, I think about him all the time, I dream about him, he is the first thing I think of when I wake up. I thought time would get better but it hasnt, I don’t know if it’s just this time of year making it more intense. I don’t think it’s helped that I haven’t met anyone since him but that’s because I don’t want to even though I think it would help but then wouldnt be fair on the other person as a rebound and I just don’t want to meet anyone else anyway. He came back a couple of years ago telling me he still loved me and I should have been happy but instead it freaked me out and I backed away but now i have come regret it. Is it too late? Can you really go back after years apart?

What was the reason for splitting up?

No-one hates you on here, we don't even know you.

Not enough info really.

Why did you split up?

Is he with anyone else at the moment?

Does he still want to get back with you?

Is he a good father to the kids?

Does he pay for his kids?

How old are your kids?

He was going through a lot (mental health wise) and we were arguing a lot but that was a long time ago now. Kids are 8-13. I have no idea if he still feels the same way or if he is seeing anyone I don’t ask him stuff like that but he hasn't mentioned anyone.

How is he doing mentally now, has he taken care of himself in the interim?

Because if not and you went back, you'd only face the same problems again. That's not to put you off, in your circumstances where there's been no actual betrayal or huge break I do think it's possible to rekindle and know people who have - but he has to have done the work independently.

Yes it was years ago and he has had treatment

Would it ruin the coparenting relationship if you tested the water about rekindling things?

Sounds like he’s tested it before and despite it scaring you off at the time, you’re still amicable so might just be worth a shot!

You ended things for valid reasons, and when he asked you to take him back much later you refused. I’d be acknowledging that there was a reason for both decisions.

Oh he ended it with me… so I think it just kind of freaked me out as it was the last thing I was expecting.

Ok, but still. You subsequently refused to take him back. I assume you had a good reason for that.

Not really I think I was just shocked and confused, as I never expected it I also wasn’t sure he was being genuine a lot of people tried to put me off at the time.

Do you think he’d want to give it another go? Time does heal some wounds and as long as he wasn’t abusive or a cheat then I probably would consider dating him again.

its possible, I think there has always still been some spark between us. No cheating or abuse I wouldn’t consider it in that situation.

Don’t try to go back to married/living together etc. maybe just ask him on a date and do dinner, kiss at the end of the night if you feel like it - treat it like any new relationship and see where it goes.

Ask him out for dinner and take it from there.