I’ve got a 3 week old baby and I’m married to a Muslim. I myself am COE and husband is very westernised and relaxed and we had a mixed wedding. I am English and he is Arab. His family however are very religious and basically throughout our relationship and wedding my values / culture and beliefs are dismissed quite often and it’s always about their culture and religion.
I understand my husband is stuck in the middle , but could also speak up a little bit more for himself and me. During our wedding planning there were a lot of rows and my husband defended me, but somehow the family still chose to act in a certain way.
They are very kind people such as when I had my son they came and visited brought food and done housework etc.
I am however getting very very ticked off! We could not decide a name for my son during the entire pregnancy and whittled it down to two English names. My husband wanted an Arabic name which I was happy to go with if he could suggest one that I liked, which unfortunately he couldn’t, we therefore agreed for our son to have a middle Arabic name which was also the name of his grandfather (mothers dad). Throughout the pregnancy his family kept throwing out Arabic suggestions of names only, and kept asking the names. When my husband would say the two English names we were debating between they would start moaning in Arabic about a non-Arabic name and my husband would turn the phone down or go out on the balcony so I wouldn’t hear.
now my son is here his family have taken it upon themselves to address my son by his middle Arabic name rather than his actual first name. They have also decided on a an Arabic nickname which they also call him which basically is the middle Arabic name also. Since his birth they have not once addressed him by his first name or asked me as his mother if I mind them calling him what they call him. I don’t mind a nickname but I also want him addressed by his actual name and I feel really disrespected as his mother that they have done this. They have completed disregarded his name and the fact that myself and my husband made a joint decision to call him what we have.
they are currently on holiday at the moment but every-time I hear it on FaceTime it infuriates me even more!! I’ve spoken to my husband about it and he said he’s going to address it face to face when they come home, but I also think that he is also not putting my feelings first as it’s upsetting me a lot. It’s not a massive deal and he could address it on FaceTime but because of how his family are I know they’re going to cause a problem about it 🙄.
I understand in his culture the mother is basically the matriarch of the family and it is difficult for him to address things but he is also a full grown man.
They live quite far from us which I am thankful for as if I saw them more than we do there would be a lot of rows!!
a lot of it is difference in culture which I get, but their culture is constantly shoved down my throat and has been for the last seven years, they caused so much upset in our wedding planning as they moaned about pretty much anything non-Arabic rather than compromising. I loved the fact we had a mixed culture wedding and so did all our guests but the drama they caused in the run up caused so many problems with me and my husband. I feel like they emasculate him alot.
i feel like I want to address the name issue on the family WhatsApp group and I am a short fuse and if I keep hearing it I will do it. Should I do this is allow my Husband the chance to correct the issue? Although I feel like he should have done this by now!