Aibu to be offended by this ?

[memyselfandI2025]

So my ex and his wife have constantly complained about my kids clothes ( even though they are clean and age appropriate) and always said I don’t do the youngest hair good enough
so every time they go ( they only go 3-5 hours a week) she does their hair to come home with their hair done ( probably to show me how it’s meant to be done) even though they’ve stayed at their house all those 5 hours. She’s bought the youngest new clothes and tried them on this weekend and kept them at their house and dad has made it know to them that they are going to a fancy restaurant next weekend ( on his Time) and they want them to look decent. He’s said I dress the kids too colourful and not decent enough
I just feel extremely rubbish
I feel worthless and useless
they always say these things in front of the kids as well so the kids see them as better and me not doing things proper
i don’t have much money, i try my best but the wife is always trying to act like she’s the better mum
I feel like handing the kids to them, getting on a plane and starting a new life somewhere

Ignore them.
You are doing fine!

They sound both jealous and completely unaware of the realities of parenting. I would be tempted to say ‘if you want nicer clothes you can pay more maintenance’

Ignore them.
let them do what they want on his time.
youre Mum nobody will take your place and your children love you lots- your choice of clothes sounds fab anyway.

all the fancy clothes and neat hair won’t mean a thing when they are grown, they’ll remember the fun.

Your ex and his new wife are I think trying to belittle you - don’t let them you’re doing fab !!

My ex is the same about clothes. He doesn’t have a partner but he’s very particular about clothes and hair. I like to dress my son in kids’ clothes and let him wear his hair how he wants. Ex would prefer him to be a miniature version of himself. He’s meticulous about appearance and wants his son to be a reflection of him. Honestly I’d say just let them crack on and take comfort in knowing they are very shallow people for thinking that expensive clothes and perfect hair make them better parents. The fact that their behaviour bothers you indicates that you’re a mum who cares about her kids. You don’t need to listen to them or validate their nonsense. Just say “oh, that’s nice” and move on.

Insecure people put others down. It may not feel like it but you have the upper hand here. Dress your kids how you want (and how they want) and Hyacinth Bucket step mum’s comments should be met with a breezy/cheery “oh how lovely” … then you can laugh at her ridiculousness later. You are those dc mum and she cannot beat that. You’ll always be their number one.

You’re going to have to grey rock this to keep your sanity. They are obnoxious weirdos OP. I bet you’re a lovely mum and your kids look very nice and appropriate. Agree with PP that you just say “oh very nice” and change the subject. Don’t let them knock your confidence.

Of course they can keep the kids immaculate for 3 hours a week.

You're doing the parenting 24/7 so your approach is more realistic.

They can fuck off or step up and do 50/50 and then you'll see how superior they really are.

Don't let them grind you down.

Listen, they now have clothes that he likes - its fine, not everyone shares the same style, do not let it bother you at all.

Instead of complaining they should have just bought them and shut up about it, don't let them get you down.

My mum always redoes my daughters hair, her hair is thin and and fine yet also curly, it's a nightmare. I'm just happy if she lets me brush it. I'm not offended my mum thinks I should do better. I don't need too!

Id make sure your dc know that love isnt about looks, or who buys the flashiest things, but about who is there for the ups and downs and loves you for who you are on the inside. You're doing a fine job @memyselfandI2025, leave them to their materialistic ways. At least the dc arent subjected to it for too long each week!

They are trying to hit you where it hurts - and it’s working.

Do not let them.
I’m sure they dress fine and kids clothes don’t need to be expensive and they’re hair doesn’t need to be perfect.

Tell him he is more than welcome to buy clothes and give them to you if he has such an issue.

You sound like a good mum and they sound shallow and materialistic. Don’t rise to their bait. And how can children’s clothes be “ too colourful?”
Too much focus on clothes and looks is not good for children, it feeds into self esteem issues and gives them the wrong idea about what is important in life. Hopefully you have other priorities and encourage your DC to be thoughtful and considerate people.