Autism, disrespect and a tonne of other stuff

[Terminallytired]

I am step patent/parent to a total of 6 kids of various ages. 3 are autistic maybe 4 but that's another story.

1 of my step kids (autistic), adult in age, still lives with us. I have always done the laundry.

Small request by me to them

Please stop using blankets as sheets, i can't get them dry in winter (no tumble dryer). They told me they will use what they want and to not touch their washing........ok then. No longer my job

2 months in, hasn't washed their towels, dh went to wash them, I said dont, we aren't doing their laundry and last week when I topped up my washing with theirs, I was greeted with such rudeness and they literally grunted at me.

Dh said he will take the fall for it, I said its playing into the disrespect shown to me and my house rules. On came an argument that he doesn't back me, never makes them use manners or respect or anything else. His response, it's the autism

If this adult isn't happy to follow the house rules, they need to move out.

If your DH would rather do their washing, let him.

Why on earth did you blend families? Sounds like an absolute recipe for disaster and… sure enough

You aren’t doing their washing.

it’s up to dh if he wants to.

i don’t do my adult kids washing. Similar situation and cba with hassle.

Why are you doing their washing?

They told me they will use what they want and to not touch their washing........ok then. No longer my job

Fine

2 months in, hasn't washed their towels, dh went to wash them, I said dont, we aren't doing their laundry

Not fine. YOU decided not to do the laundry, you made no such decision for your husband. It's up to him if he decides to do it or not.

Person 1 has 3 children. 2 with autism
Person 2 has 3 children. 1, possible 2, with autism

and this pair had the genius idea that combining families would be the best plan of action and totally in the interests of their children.

Unbelievable

If my kids spoke to me like that, as adults, they would be regretting it all the way to the job centre, because they'd be out of my fucking house.

The younger ones would be hysterical as I cheerfully stripped their rooms of all but the basics and most of it, they wouldn't earn back.

Bye bye PlayStation. See you later, IPhone. Hasta la vista Tablet/Speaker system/whatever else isn't strictly necessary to live. See ya when I learn some fucking manners and show a bit of gratitude!

I don't see how they have disrespected you or any of your house rules.
"They told me they will use what they want and to not touch their washing........ok then. No longer my job"
"I topped up my washing with theirs, I was greeted with such rudeness and they literally grunted at me."

Your "house rule" is that you don't do their washing. You "topped up my washing with theirs" That's LITERALLY (which if they are autistic is likely how they will understand stuff) YOU disrespecting the house rule that you made that YOU ARE NOT doing their washing. You are making a rule which is ok for you to break but not them. YOU are disrespecting them, not the other way round. And yes them being autistic probably does mean they take things literally, so where if you said to me "I am not doing your washing" I might think you meant "I won;t spend hours washing blankets and trying to dry them, when you could use sheets that are easier to wash" to them "I am not doing your washing" will mean that. Not I won't do all your washing, or I won't wash your blankets.