ILs - is it me?

[ohfourfoxache]

Background - not the best relationship with MIL and FIL, DH calls them weekly but very LC for 10 years (FIL has met DS8 once, just very, very little interest - if we had had girls it would have been VERY different, but we have 2DSs)

FIL has been admitted to hospital, really not very well

MIL and BIL tried DH’s mobile but he didn’t hear it (repeated attempts over a few hours). Instead of calling me (who, you know, lives with him) BIL called my dad and my sister to try to get hold of DH (dad then called me - told DH and I on speaker phone that FIL wasn’t well and for DH to contact MIL/BIL)

MIL was apparently getting more and more wound up and worried that she couldn’t contact anyone

I mean, WTAF?

Is it just me or is just utterly fucking crazy?

That is soooo weird. Anybody who votes the other way must have made a mistake. Even if they hate you and even if you are absolutely awful (I am sure you are not) they could have rang and said FIL is ill get DH to call. Why would they call your Dad and sister. Just weird.

I mean, it’s batshit behaviour but I guess situations like serious ill health also don’t make people act rationally.

Maybe they were panicking

Very weird. They don’t like you then? And wanted to make it an issue I would assume?

They probably just don’t have your number anymore.

They have your dad and sisters number but not yours?! Have they deleted your number? Very odd but I guess they did get hold of DH in the end.

Op, it's your husband's family so his to deal with.

I'd be carrying on home with my own life and the domestics.

You have absolutely no relationship with them. They don’t like you and you don’t like them. They probably would not even have your number.

BIL has my number - he last messaged me about a month ago

When GMIL was end of life care, MIL didn’t tell anyone that she was in hospital for the first 4 days (including her sister (aunt IL who happened to be on a short break - DAIL had coordinated all medical care, care home, sorted 2 houses full and helped getting them sold, MIL did absolutely FA). There is definitely an attitude there around gatekeeping information

I realised that I was mentally making plans to get batch cooking done tomorrow, taking AL to drive for 2 hours in each direction to drop it off and help in any way, who could watch the kids, but it struck me at just how crazy the situation is. It’s not my family, and I just need to put them out of my mind I guess. The important thing is to support DH

It’s not about me, I know that. But I do feel hurt and pissed off. Probably unreasonably

Nah don’t help them. Let them suffer it out. They clearly do not like you, or your kids - isn’t that enough to never help them and not even feel a bit bad about it.
Also your dh speaks to them weekly? That’s very odd for having a LC relationship with them.

Totally missing the point of the thread but why would FIL have been more interested if you had DDs? Makes him sound like a bit of a nonce!

MIL was desperate for a girl but had 2 sons. When DH was born (who was ds2) she told us that she and FIL considered adopting

she also told friends of ours (in front of DH and I) that you always, always love your first child more than the second and that it’s “only natural”

The only contact we really have with them is DH’s weekly phone call. I used to call MIL and really make an effort, until I realised that it was literally all one way. I just stopped trying

Wow... Just wow. She sounds like a really nice lady! You're better off out of it OP. They sound batshit crazy

Apparently I’m “too sensitive”. DH has openly said that his mother isn’t the sharpest tool in the box, but apparently because I have a brain it’s my responsibility to overlook her comments….

My ILs are also really weird around health issues. They want to know everything about everyone else, but could be on death’s door themselves and not tell anyone including their DC “because we didn’t want to worry you”. People are mental sometimes when it comes to health anxieties.

The whole not calling you but calling your dad is just a brain fart. Someone without full control of their faculties. Worry and stress can do that to a person.

OMG @canklesmctacotits that’s EXACTLY it

We lost my mum last year to lung cancer. MIL wanted to know absolutely everything about how she was, treatment etc, and it turned out that she told half the village all about it

When I had DS1, all she wanted to know was whether I was “stitched” (never mind that we had a rather poorly baby who ended up in NICU)

I’m going to cling onto the thought that they just had a brain fart - it feels better than the alternative tbh

Nah don’t help them. Let them suffer it out

Viscious 😲

Do they have your number?

In my MIL’s case it’s because she won’t do anything but put blind faith in (mostly) male doctors while also believing scandalous headlines in the Daily Mail and equivalent. In FIL’s case it’s because like many men he thinks he’s invincible and nothing bad can happen to him. Put them together and the net result is a weird mix of being blindly panicked at the slightest hint of an unusual blood test result + totally blasé about really quite concerning results + morbid curiosity in other people’s health outcomes, I think to feed their pre-existing agendas!

This is such a weird situation. I wouldn’t let it get to you OP, people do strange things when someone is ill

Is it really awful that I hope nothing happens to FIL, otherwise there is going to be pressure to look after MIL?

I was cornered by MIL many moons ago when she asked that I look after them in old age (all whilst refusing to even visit her own lovely MIL)

Now I just feel that you reap what you sow, and they show absolutely no interest in me or my boys…..

Yes - unequivocally, 110% they have my number

Sometimes older people are panicked by illness in close family and the panic makes them unable to think coherently so get into a panic. Can’t get hold of son, can’t find DIL number on mobile but I see her fathers number so he’ll know what to do. My Mum has panics like this!