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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What happened - fine, littering

20 replies

boings · 29/11/2025 22:27

I debated whether to post this but I’ve decided to, just to get some ideas on whether I was UR or whether my H was the UR one.

we were walking along a busy road and my H threw his cigarette butt on the floor- after I had asked him to just pack it in and can he just quit finally.

we were stopped by someone from the council who saw and said it’s on cctv and that he’d need his details to fine him. He showed his badge and he had a machine and cameras on him. I said, we are late going somewhere, let’s just get on with it, rather than argue. It’s just a fine, what can you do, these things happen.

so my H gave details, he did get a bit annoyed with the guy but that was it. I tried to just keep the situation calm.

My H has been so angry about it. Saying I was wrong, we should have kept walking, he feels violated, he feels he let himself down by giving details and that it’s all my fault because I told him to stop smoking and also I suggested we just get on with it, take the fine and move on- cos we had places to be and it is what it is.

he’s not let me live it down, essentially. I said, it is what it is- you threw it, got caught- the right thing was to just face the consequences. They may have been able to locate you anyway, if you’d just kept walking and ignored the guy, as your face was on CCTV. It’s a very very busy place in a big city.

to me, the consequences of just ignoring this man, were what I was worried about. The fine is just a fine.

I wanted to move on from the situation, but he’s really angry with me about it all still.

did I do the wrong thing here ? The guy was legit, it’s a legit fine and all that.

OP posts:
Whatifitallgoesright · 29/11/2025 22:29

How long ago did it happen?

CalmShaker · 29/11/2025 22:31

Your husband was caught red handed, enforcement would probably have called police if he'd had obstructed. It's your husband fault not yours

Arlanymor · 29/11/2025 22:35

There’s only one person your husband should be cross at - himself. He broke the law and he is paying the consequences. Maybe he will think twice next time before littering.

Original poster
boings · 29/11/2025 22:37

He says we could have just walked on and nothing would have happened and it’s my fault for giving his details. The thing is, it doesn’t go on your record- if you just pay the fine, it’s done. Whereas if you walk off or if you refuse to pay the fine, then it’s actually an issue and becomes a whole thing. I just thought the easiest thing to do, was to accept it and get on with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
boings · 29/11/2025 22:38

Sorry I didn’t give his details, I just encouraged him to give his details and be done with it.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 29/11/2025 22:38

There's littering signs all over my town. Im a smoker myself but on the rare occassion I have one in town, I always look for a bin and ill pace around it til im done.

I hate going to pubs etc where theres no ashtrays outside, I despise putting them out on the floor. Ive gone to kitchen doors and asked for tins many a time. I wouldn't do other in my own garden....

hididdlyho · 29/11/2025 22:41

Your husband is his own person. Unless he'd kept quiet and you'd volunteered his contact info YANBU. I think these enforcement officers likely do rely on catching people off guard and giving them contact info to enforce the fines. He could have kept walking if he wanted to, that's in no way on you!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/11/2025 09:38

He probably feels embarrassed that his wife didnt have his back, tbvh, but he was in the wrong, what can be done, he was caught red handed

As long as you stand by him in other situations, this isn't a big issue xx

Original poster
boings · 30/11/2025 09:43

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/11/2025 09:38

He probably feels embarrassed that his wife didnt have his back, tbvh, but he was in the wrong, what can be done, he was caught red handed

As long as you stand by him in other situations, this isn't a big issue xx

But there was nothing to do ? What were we gona do ? Start arguing with him ? He was caught and it’s just something that happens. It’s not that I didn’t have his back. I know how these people are, they’ve got you on camera and they’ll fine you. It’s too late then. I don’t see it as me not having his back.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/11/2025 09:46

He's behaving like a child. You did nothing wrong.

OtterlyMad · 30/11/2025 09:47

YANBU. Your husband is embarrassed that he got caught doing something naughty and instead of taking responsibility, he is trying to shift the blame onto you. As if being a smoker AND a litterbug isn’t unattractive enough…

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/11/2025 09:48

boings · 30/11/2025 09:43

But there was nothing to do ? What were we gona do ? Start arguing with him ? He was caught and it’s just something that happens. It’s not that I didn’t have his back. I know how these people are, they’ve got you on camera and they’ll fine you. It’s too late then. I don’t see it as me not having his back.

Show quote history

Okay girl, that’s why I think he is pissed off, but I said I don’t think he is right to be, there was nothing else to be done in that situation 🤷‍♀️

Ponoka7 · 30/11/2025 09:52

They can follow you, just not into some shops. There's been a drive against littering. I have no sympathy, it's really easy not to do it.

IcyPuddles · 30/11/2025 09:53

Your DH was unreasonable to dispose of his cigarette in that way (it’s utterly disgusting), was caught red handed, and should just take it on the chin and learn from it. Instead, like a child, he’s groping around for excuses as to how it can’t possibly be his own fault, and that the rules that apply to us all don’t apply to him because he can do what he likes. It’s pathetic.

SeaAndStars · 30/11/2025 09:53

He shouldn't have done it.
When he was caught he should have just done the right thing.
You did nothing wrong.
Why is he a sulking, angry person who takes things out on you?

BillieWiper · 30/11/2025 09:55

I wouldnt have given his details personally, no. I would've just stood in silence, or if he wanted to try and leg it just walked away alongside him.

But it's not your fault. You just wanted to get out of there. It's unlikely he'd call the police but not impossible.

Megifer · 30/11/2025 09:57

The only thing your H is possibly correct about is if HE'D carried on walking then its very likely nothing would have happened.

I once threw a bit of a sandwich to a pigeon, I was trying to catch it as it had string foot but I didnt have any seeds with me 😔 and an officer appeared out of nowhere and tried to get my details as technically i was littering tbf. Told him to jog on or get the police and he muttered something about them never turning up, followed me for a bit which was awkward but then he gave up. (I went back later and managed to sort pidge out)

Your H is just angry about his own stupidity but as usual its the woman's fault 🙄

FiveShelties · 30/11/2025 09:59

He feels violated?

LasVegass · 30/11/2025 10:02

Just pay the fine early and close this chapter. Lesson learnt. But have you noticed how few rubbish bins there are around?

latetothefisting · 30/11/2025 10:04

boings · 30/11/2025 09:43

But there was nothing to do ? What were we gona do ? Start arguing with him ? He was caught and it’s just something that happens. It’s not that I didn’t have his back. I know how these people are, they’ve got you on camera and they’ll fine you. It’s too late then. I don’t see it as me not having his back.

Show quote history

How do you think having someone's face on camera leads to finding you though?

Assuming your dh isnt a hardened criminal with several mugshots, it's not like even the police have a database of every face in the country, and even if they did they wouldn't share it for the sake of a littering fine!

Not disputing whether your dh should have paid the fine (he should) or whether he's being a twat to keep blaming you (he is) but tbh I think he's right in that if you had walked off there was little the council officer would be able to do to trace you.

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