Man flu but I’m pregnant?

[Badfish1]

DH and I both have a bad cold that we’ve caught from our toddler, of course DH is incapacitated with his. I’ve felt ill since Monday and each morning have got up early with our toddler whilst he’s stayed in bed for another half an hour. We both work full time so this has meant I’ve got DC ready for nursery etc.

The thing is I’m also 37 weeks pregnant. This morning I got up again early with toddler and then told DH I need to lay in tomorrow as I feel awful, it’s gone to my chest now and I have a fever. He says I’m being petty and argumentative and is asking why we ‘can’t just feel as bad as each other’. AIBU to think on this one occasion my needs are greater than his?

I don’t know your DH and I wasn’t in the same room as him when he said it but I know 100% that was sarcasm… surely you caught onto that?

99.9% of men are more selfish than women because they can be.
They never get periods, become pregnant, breast-feed and are quite relaxed about leaving the bulk of childcare and household chores to women just like their mates do because it's the social norm and they are all net beneficiaries of it.

Men also systematically exaggerate their own symptoms while playing down women's based on my experience. My own husband is a full-blown hypochondriac, always in and out of the GP's clinic. I rarely go (5-6 years in between visits) and when I fell in the back garden, scraping the skin off the entire front of one shin, he thought it looked "a little bit sore". I drove myself to A&E where my leg was X-rayed to check it was not broken as my ankle was badly sprained and swollen like a melon.

Men are molly-coddled mainly by their mothers so the next generation needs to do less of this.

He is risking the life of your unborn child. You need to rest.

So he is telling you that he does think your job is to look after him and do all the work of the household when he feels unwell (and other times, who knows?). Your illness is less important than his. You are less of a person than he is.

I’m really sorry. It’s quite common among men to hold this view, unfortunately it tends not to show up until you have had at least one of their children. Happened to me too, luckily I was able to leave.

OP - with the absolute best intentions here you NEED to prioritise yourself and your unborn baby.
I don’t want to tell you my horror stories of getting “just a regular cold/sickness” in pregnancy but your DH needs to fuck off with his attitude.
Being ill in pregnancy is not a joke or an “aren’t we both in the same boat” situation. If he can’t grasp that fact I’d have tell him that he’s not the person you thought he was. And/or bombard him with NHS information about it but I imagine that’d go right over his selfish head.

Is he actually stupid? If you were both as ill as each other, he'd have done his share. But pregnancy a. puts a huge strain on your body, so you feel shit anyway without even being ill, and b. Suppresses your immune system, so if you don't get chance to rest, you could end up being much more ill than him, and requiring medication that could affect the baby.

Seriously, letting your 37 week pregnant ill wife do your share of stuff as well as hers, and then shouting at her when she discusses it with you, is really fucking low and selfish and would actually make me rethink my entire relationship

What a dick.

Op in late pregnancy your lungs actually get squashed up. Flu is known to be particularly dangerous to pregnant women for this reason, also Covid.

If it’s on your chest I’d be inclined to seek medical advice as soon as convenient.

https://www.uhhospitals.org/health-information/health-and-wellness-library/article/adult-diseases-and-conditions-v0/the-lungs-in-pregnancy

Gosh OP, I am so sorry that your DH is so awful. How is this going to play out when you have a toddler and a new born? You have to take care of yourself now, it’s vitally important to you and your baby. I would call the GP first thing Monday, if you have a fever. As for your husband, others have suggested good responses. Is he always like this, or is his attitude because he feels ill and ultra grumpy? No excuses either way, but is he usually loving and caring? Right now I literally hate him on your behalf. He is being and actual CU£T.