Looking after grandchildren

[Starling57]

AIBU for not looking after my two grandsons for the weekend? They have had a nasty flu bug and are not over it entirely. My son and DIL don’t have any plans, we just wanted them to come and stay. We are very much involved in their lives and now they are both in full time school miss them awfully. My son hasn’t been well either and kind of hinted that it’s probably a good idea not to have them. However, my DIL has raised her eyebrows at us and seems to have taken umbrage over it. Am I being unfair and silly over this? I took it that it was just a given that they wouldn’t come and stay. In the past when they’ve had coughs/colds etc we’ve still visited/looked after them for a few hours but I’m not sure it’s ‘right’ to have them overnight.

Well I wouldn't send mine if they had colds or flu. But I suspect she was looking forward to the break. How did you say you didn't want them to stay? Was it the delivery?

I think you DIL is probably annoyed with your son more than you, she's likely been the one having to take care of everyone yet not getting much rest or brake herself and may be resentful your son turned an offer of help down.

Well I got into a conversation about it with my son who first hinted that it might not be a good idea for them to come and it’s just gone from there. There was no flat ‘they’re not coming’ conversation.

I think it's up to you. Surely you can just take them another weekend?

That said we have 0 help from grandparents or family, so honestly I'd just grateful for anything 😂.

And how the hell is any of that the OP’s problem. And lovely assumption about the son being a useless father and poor little DIL doing everything. She sounds really entitled expecting anyone to take her sick kids.

Totally reasonable not to take two sick children - I can entirely understand and sympathise with your DIL’s disappointment but that’s the breaks when you have kids, the buck stops with you. It’s not nice for the kids to be away from home if they’re not well and it’s unfair to expose you to the germs. She’s daft and ungrateful if she does anything other than nicely switch to a different weekend, it’s not like you’re obliged to have them at all!

@Winterwonderwhy Thank you for your comment. I felt a little insulted and agree with you on an assumption being made. My son is a fantastic father and we’ve said the children can come and stay as soon as they are well enough.

It’d be very selfish of them to send the kids sick with flu. It’s not just a little runny nose. My in-laws would always happily take my daughter but I never send her when she’s ill, no matter how tired I am. It’s unfair

I’d call and say you agree with DS that another weekend is better. You don’t need to expose yourselves to illness and the boys can rest at home.

I think it depends on how unwell they are. What does ' they are not completely over it ' actually mean. Are they still properly ill or just a bit snotty, a lingering cough etc? We look after our DGC including overnights from time to time and have often had them with runny noses, coughs etc with no issues. As long as they are still up to wanting to play, go out etc and not being miserable, clingy and homesick I wouldn't have a problem with it. On the other hand if they are going to need TLC and nursing care then absolutely not.

If the children are still infectious, their parents shouldn't be sending them anywhere.

@carpool They still have very chesty coughs. Their temperatures have settled down now and they don’t have runny noses. They are extremely tired and irritable and seem to want to sleep on and off through the last few days. But they want their Mum. And the thought of them being here and really wanting to be at home snuggled up on the sofa with their Mum is another reason why I don’t think it’s the best idea. I’ve just had a phone call with my son and we’re going to arrange another overnight stay as soon as they are well.