Struggling to wean DD off breastmilk

[SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough]

I've been trying since the beginning of September and it's not going well. Over a couple of weeks I reduced it to one feed in the morning. DD (20 months) then came out head to toe in allergy related excema. 🤷 After some steroids and cutting out dairy, that's cleared up. We are still doing one feed a day (until we see the specialist for allergies 2nd Dec) but it's not going well. She is constantly trying to put her hand down my top. Is very unsettled, always asking for milk. I thought she would get less fussy over time but it seems to be intensifying. It's making me seriously question my decision to stop. I've tried distraction, snacks etc. she won't touch any other kind of milk. My supply doesn't seem to be slowing down either (which is very painful). I think she can smell it. Would I be wrong to continue with the night time feeds? Before she used to just curl up next to me, feed to sleep and it was relaxing. Now we have an hour of inconsolable screaming every night before bed.

What's your motivation to stop? If you're happy to continue then I would.

I'm currently thinking about how to wean a 3 year old. Feeds to sleep, night wakes, and morning feeds. I think I'm about done now but your experience is what's stopping me.

You can just feed at night. I got to that point with both of mine, before they turned 2
they do reach down and hold on or touch it’s because bf feeding it a comfort as well as food

I fed my first to 2 years 9 months and my second to 4 years. She was a tough one to wean and we agreed 4. I’d had enough by 3 and half and they would have continued longer.
I basically continued feeding until the feed to sleep didn’t work anymore.

Aw @WittyJadeStork your second sounds similar to my second. I'm ready, he's not.

@ItchyScratchyBum societal pressure is the honest answer.

Keep going if you're both happy to.

Stop when either you or the child wants to stop.

It's no more complicated than that.

If you're happy to keep going, as it sounds like you are, keep going!

There's not even any reason for anybody to know you're still breastfeeding if you don't want them to, especially if it's just at night and a morning feed!

It's sad that we have this societal pressure but I get it. I used to find breastfeeding "older" kids weird but I went on to feed to 3 and a half for my DS! And my DH thought that I stopped at around 3 for some reason - we are still together and even he didn't know!!

There's a really nice Facebook group called Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond which will show you how common is really is to keep going. Lots of people might not realise other people are still breastfeeding if the kid is still doing it at home, I promise you it's "normal" and you are not alone!

When you do decide you want to stop have a look into the articles and podcasts by Emma Pickett IBCLC, she's a lactation consultant who specialises in toddler weaning

Have you tried mixing both in a bottle and phasing out breastfeeding milk? Can she hold a bottle?

Thank you for the replies. I am past whipping my boob out on demand now. I definitely won't be feeding in public anymore, and I think DD is ok with that. At night she just wants the milk and boob. I can barely get her to drink during the day (unless her water has movical mixed in 😅).
I hear people say a lot that mums who breastfeed after 2 are the ones that can't let go or can't say no. There is a lot of negative talk and that definitely pushed me to try to stop (perhaps before we were both ready). I never thought I would be breastfeeding a toddler but equally I am happy to. It shouldn't be made to feel like some dirty secret though.

@Monty27 She is 20 months and has never had a bottle

Your baby is telling you in ever so many ways they and their body would really love you to continue breastfeeding. And it sounds as if you want to as well, no? If this is the case, please don’t give into societal pressure. Being attuned to your child is so much more valuable and harmonious than listening to outside forces.

Women’s breast have evolved and are designed for feeding. That is their primary function. Your breasts have been doing a sterling job. Keep feeding your baby as long and as often as you want. As long as they’re getting enough nutrition from food, you don’t have to limit feeding to just morning and evening / night. You can if you want to. Or you can feed on demand.

I fed on demand as dd got older and only stopped when she was 2.5 because the feeding became so erratic it was painful. She’d not feed for about 4/5 days the next day dd wouldn’t leave me alone and it hurt. This was her self weaning I think and I just sped the process up.

@Mummyoflittledragon thank you very much. Exactly the reassurance I needed. I've decided to keep going at night. My favourite memory with DD was breastfeeding her at 5am by the light of the Christmas tree, maybe we will get to do that again this year.

I breastfed until 4, they do eventually stop on their own, it's easier that way.

You’re welcome. Feeding by Christmas tree light. That sounds lovely.They grow up in the blink of an eye. Enjoy every minute. 😀

I couldn't get my 2nd son off the boob till he was 4!

Fuck 'em. Your body, your child, your choice. If you want to feed morning and evening, then do so. All kids are different. My first breastfed exclusively intil 12 months and strongly resisted weaning. Second solely breastfed to 6 months but then leapt to solids and immediately ate like a horse, as well as night feeds. Third abruptly decided at about 5 months never to have anything to do with the breast ever again. Go with your instincts and what makes you both happiest. Surely a night feed is better than inconsolable sobbing.

It just doesn't sound like either of you are ready. I fed my first to 14 months and my second to 26 months - they were both ready at different times.
I get what you mean about societal pressure (my mum was the worst!!) but I also found when in I mentioned to other women I was still going, a hell of a lot admitted to going beyond 2 - there are a lot more women than you think!

It's such a beautiful thing, don't quit until you want to.