To ask how you split nights with a newborn with you partner?

[GreenHeather271]

We have a 1mo, and a toddler. I’m on maternity leave and DH works 5 days a week, 2 of which are in the office. On WFH days he wakes up when the toddler wakes up at around 8am, does brekkie, gets him ready for nursery, etc. I do the mornings days he’s in the office as he has to leave before 8am. I sleep in a seperate room with the newborn and do all the wakes, feeds (BF overnight, DH gives him a bottle before bed) and nappies. Same arrangement also stands on the weekend. I know it will pass, but newborn wakes frequently, wants to be held most of the night and I am feeling so broken from the lack of sleep. Feeling slightly resentful that DH can sleep through the night once he decides to go to bed, and I’ve barely had a 2/3 hour stretch in the last month.

If partner is doing bottle during bedtime, go to bed with your toddler and grab a stretch of 4 hours.

I always find that 4 is the magic number, regardless of wake ups and total amount of sleep during the night, if I don't get 4 in a row then the next day is rubbish.

The first few months i did all feeds/night wakes as I was bf. Dh would have DS on weekend for few hours so I could nap. But dh was out the house 8am-6pm
When DS was around 4/5 month old we changed it so that dh had DS from7pm- 12pm and I went to bed (dh gave DS a expressed bottle) I slept around 5 hours and then would do night wakes between midnight and 7am. Dh slept 12-7.

Dh did all night feeds 3 days a week (Saturda,Sunday and Monday). I did 4. He worked full time but that didn't mean he opted out nor would I have let him because I struggled. On his days he would be asleep for 9pm and then up for the 2am feed and again at 6am and would feed baby before getting ready for work. He would get a solid 4-5 hours stretch and then maybe another 2-3hours. On my days we alternated. Yes it was rough when dc1 was up a lot more regularly than that and when we had 2 under 2. The best thing was realising that we were on the same team so we put a stop to arguing about who's turn it was and how tired we were. It was a difficult time. We then had a 4 year age gap between ds and dd2 who slept through from 3 months unlike her brother and sister.

I did them all as I was breastfeeding but didn’t mind as that was my choice and no point two people being up (imo)

I did it all because DH was working full time. It was much easier for me to be tired at home in the day than DH be tired at work.

We split nights equally throughout, I couldn't breastfeed so I was pumping. We would both get up, prepare the milk and change our baby, then DH would do the feed while I pumped the next feed. All done in around 30mins, if I had done it alone it would have taken double the time. We were lucky and our baby started sleeping through a 7hr stretch at around 8 weeks.
I never considered it would be anything but equal and I dont think DH did either.

When I worked and my ex-W worked, I did all the night times and all of the getting up in the early morning. Then she had an affair and left me.

We co-slept with our 17 month old and the newborn was in the crib by the side of the bed , so l could breast feed. They seemed to settle really well. So basically l did it all but it was fairly easy , l think I went were lucky tbh.

First child was a terrible sleeper so I did it all as she was breastfed. He might try to comfort her in the evening when she was colicky. It was awful.

Second child was a brilliant sleeper so he'd have her downstairs in the evening whilst I got early night then if she woke in the night I'd deal with it.

He's taken on his share or more of the parenting since then.

God this feels like a distant memory although we're not that far past it!
DD was 2.5 and a terrible sleeper when baby was born, I exclusively bf so DH couldn't do much with baby, lets face it they want to feed pretty much all night at that age don't they. DH slept in with toddler and I had baby in with me in our room. It seemed the best way to maximise everyone's sleep

When I had a newborn and a toddler, I did the nights with newborn and he did the night with toddler. The toddler didn't sleep particularly well either to be honest so he didn't have it that easy, plus he struggles more with disrupted sleep than I do. I can feed a baby half asleep and go right back down, he'll be up for hours by which time the baby has woken again. He would be more use to me the next day with his arrangement.

We did as some PP’s have advised- I went to bed really early, right after our toddler, and DH gave DS a bottle of expressed milk. I then covered the rest of the night but it was easier after a solid four hours sleep in the evening.

It’s good that your baby will take both a bottle and breast, not all will! Both of mine had trouble latching at first so we were given a special bottle for expressed milk until bf was established. It turned out to be a bonus as DH could feed them too. Good luck. 💐

No advice, my dd is 8 months and I'm still in a seperate room doing every night wake up. The last 2 months has almost broken me with a sleep regression, horrendous eczema and another regression. I have an 11 year old though and it does get better!

Our toddler didn’t sleep through still when the second arrived, so I did the newborn and my husband did the toddler. We both have ended up co sleeping separately.

We had a two year old when DS2 was born EBF so I did all the night feeds with baby in my room. Toddler was still up frequently.
At that newborn stage I went to bed about 7.30 to get a few hours in.
DH slept in a different room and dealt with the toddler when he woke up. He got up with toddler and did breakfast.
He had a demanding job which involved driving long distances a couple of days a week so I would not risk him being over tired.
It was tiring but fair IMO.
We slept in separate rooms for about a year but had musical beds for years.

We did alternate nights so at least every other night we got decent sleep. It was twins and doing it solo all day when he was at work was enough!

I used to express earlier in day. I would do 7ish feed (just after toddler bedtime), then go straight to bed with ear plugs and eye mask. DH would then do 9ish feed with a bottle and then put baby down in. I’d then wake up for the next feed about 11/12pm. Basically I’d get 4 hours sleep in one go and that would help me deal with the rest of the night. We didn’t sleep separately and I just had the crib next to the bed for night feeds. Time goes so slow when you’re in the thick of it, but I promise it gets easier

Remember it well and DS2 didn’t sleep through until 18 months. Definitely go to bed much earlier.

I did all the nights went to bed late got up early and did all the night wakes bf anyway. DH was working a big commute away leaving at 5:00am and hopefully home at 6:30pm five days a week. Fortunately I could function on not a lot of sleep.

I think like many PP we did split nights. I went to bed early (around 7) and DH did all wakings until 1am and then I did the night feeds. That gave me a decent stretch of sleep that helped me to keep going.

We did do separate rooms, but my son was a determined cosleeper, so it made a difference to have the extra space, and I'd summon him if needed.

With our toddler sleeping through til 7, I'd expect him to cover what he could until midnight/1am, then be entirely responsible for the toddler in the morning.

DH is a professional driver so I did it all, no choice really it would be far too dangerous for him to miss vital sleep. Some nights were horrendous but I got through it.

Husband was more of a night bird and was able to move his office hours to start at 10am. I was home with baby so not working. I took from baby's bedtime till 2am to sleep and then took over for wakings. It suited us well.

We do a 2 or 3 ratio. I do nights for 2-3 in a row and then he does 1 night so I can catch up on sleep. Baby is bottle fed, he’d do more if I asked but she’s fairly easy to settle. He will also happily offer to do both weekend days in a row.

It’s behind me now but I used to go to sleep 7-ish til 12, then be on (usually awake holding the baby who would not sleep without being held) til around 5, then sleep another 2-3 hours before DH had to go to work. (Wasn’t BF-ing though - watched a lot of Grey’s Anatomy overnight!) We were disgustingly tired but both managed to get a largely uninterrupted block which helped.