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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice needed/comfort

18 replies

Daisymay1000 · 27/11/2025 22:28

Hi girls

please nobody judge me.. this is honestly the worst thing iv had to write. Iv already been through SO much this year and finally gained the courage to date again last month.. got love bombed before his horrible side came out and I ended things. Iv just found out today im pregnant. I have never felt as stupid in my life. ONE time Iv had sex in 7 months. Literally one time. I rang to tell him to just discuss it as adults and he was disgusting telling me why should he care as I left him in York. So for me that confirmed it, I’m not going to go ahead. I called around and managed to get a consultation over the phone and I’m being sent for a face to face tomorrow where hopefully I can be given the pills to take at home. I guess I’m just looking for support and advice, or has anyone ever had a medical termination themselves they could share their experience with? I’m so embarrassed to tell anyone in my life after his reaction today so I’m really needing to not be judged atm and just some comforting please or any positive experiences you can give x

OP posts:
Errolwasahero · 27/11/2025 22:33

We’re here. It’s ok, it happens. A close friend of mine got in a similar situation, I went with her to the appointment and she had the termination. It was the best thing to do, at that time. She was and still is ok.

Take time for some self care for a while, be kind to yourself. Think what you would say and do for a friend, and be that person for you. Tomorrow will be ok xx

Daisymay1000 · 27/11/2025 22:42

Errolwasahero · 27/11/2025 22:33

We’re here. It’s ok, it happens. A close friend of mine got in a similar situation, I went with her to the appointment and she had the termination. It was the best thing to do, at that time. She was and still is ok.

Take time for some self care for a while, be kind to yourself. Think what you would say and do for a friend, and be that person for you. Tomorrow will be ok xx

Thank you. I honestly can’t believe I have been so stupid and this bad in luck. The first person Iv trusted enough to date and have sex with and I fall pregnant. We only had sex once! I know it only takes once but you think at this age it would take a bit longer. I couldn’t believe his attitude when I told him, this was the same guy telling me how amazing I was and how much he liked me a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t even call to get back together I just literally needed some support for the pregnancy we both created! I’m hardly elated about it either but I don’t have a choice but to deal with it x

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 27/11/2025 22:46

No advice, @OP, but I think you're doing the right thing. Glad you have an appointment organised.

As has been said already, be kind to yourself. Thinking of you.

GingerPaste · 27/11/2025 23:08

Hope you’re ok xx

Errolwasahero · 28/11/2025 13:28

Thinking of you, here’s a (((hug))) from me xx

IwishIcouldconfess · 28/11/2025 13:31

Oh love.
Have the termination, then look after yourself xx 😘

CiderWithRosie1972 · 28/11/2025 13:35

Hey, it happens. So very often. A good friend of mine felt the same way when this happened to her at 35, she already has 3 children. The nurses at the hospital (she had left it too late for the pill option) told her it is so very common and she must not worry.

Sending you a reassuring hug!

PrincessofWells · 28/11/2025 13:37

Be kind to yourself 💐

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/11/2025 13:37

Was this the guy who was lovebombing you and then turned into a complete arse overnight when you went on a trip? This is ringing bells, as is your username.

You're absolutely doing the right thing having a termination as I'm sure you know. I've had a termination with pills (a long time ago). It's unpleasant and unsettling, but over quickly. Lots of us have been through it and it's the right choice and you will be fine. Get it behind you.

Secondly I really hope that this has cemented in your mind what a useless waste of space this guy is. Please please move on from him and take some more time to build up your self esteem and learn more about what you want before you attempt to date again.

Daisymay1000 · 28/11/2025 14:05

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/11/2025 13:37

Was this the guy who was lovebombing you and then turned into a complete arse overnight when you went on a trip? This is ringing bells, as is your username.

You're absolutely doing the right thing having a termination as I'm sure you know. I've had a termination with pills (a long time ago). It's unpleasant and unsettling, but over quickly. Lots of us have been through it and it's the right choice and you will be fine. Get it behind you.

Secondly I really hope that this has cemented in your mind what a useless waste of space this guy is. Please please move on from him and take some more time to build up your self esteem and learn more about what you want before you attempt to date again.

It is! Couldn’t have asked for worse luck could I. I’m at the clinic now waiting for my tablets to be brought out, going to take my first one today and the others tomorrow. X

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 28/11/2025 14:28

Good luck. It will be over very soon and it's a clean break and you can start again. Be proud of yourself for acting decisively. And take care of yourself.

LittleRedFoxy · 28/11/2025 14:37

Sending hugs and a handhold, this is the best thing for you and you will be ok x

Millytante · 28/11/2025 14:57

There’s nothing at all to judge! This is a very private for you, nobody needs to know, and you can deal with it swiftly and easily, with no earthly reason for self-recrimination.

Act fast though, I urge you. The more time you leave, the more room in your head there will be for perfectly useless and bogus cares and doubts, and by any standards, you've no reason to doubt your decision here.

I had a surgical abortion (at 12 or 13 weeks) forty years ago.
Very simple, very little pain or bleeding afterwards, and I’ve never had one second’s regret. So if that’s the option offered, do not fear it one bit. Far more like a visit to the dentist than any kind of surgical operation. It’s just women’s healthcare, basic and ancient.

Please don’t be affected by any propaganda that may come your way about women’s regrets about aborting.It’s just seeking to undermine your choice and your autonomy, and you are far more likely never to think about the termination with anything but gratitude that the option exists.

You'll be grand, on one condition. That should the man in question chase you up about this at all, you refuse absolutely to engage. Not one word!

I think it’s fair to say that in circs such as yours right now, you have behind you a great sisterhood stretching back many hundreds of generations, all of whom would be wishing you well and supporting you. It’s a necessary and wise decision, and you are not alone. x

JDM625 · 28/11/2025 15:04

Sending thoughts your way. I had TFMR and also used to work in family planning clinic years ago, so here are some tips to help you.

-Follow whatever instructions you were given in terms of inserting, lying down etc. We used to recommend doing to the loo, put on a maxi pad, tablet insertion, then lying down for about an hour. After that, get up and walk about. It can help to move about.
-Common side effects can be nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea and a beetroot red face because it can increase your core temperature. Taking some paracetamol will help. These are common side effects that will go quickly and not a sign of an allergic reaction
-When you go to the loo again, you might notice part or even a whole tablet fall out or when you wipe, a greyish/white paste from the tablets. Don't worry, it will still work.

I would also recommend going to a sexual health clinic for a full STI screening once this is over. Wishing you all the best and happy to answer any questions you might have x

Daisymay1000 · 28/11/2025 20:50

JDM625 · 28/11/2025 15:04

Sending thoughts your way. I had TFMR and also used to work in family planning clinic years ago, so here are some tips to help you.

-Follow whatever instructions you were given in terms of inserting, lying down etc. We used to recommend doing to the loo, put on a maxi pad, tablet insertion, then lying down for about an hour. After that, get up and walk about. It can help to move about.
-Common side effects can be nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea and a beetroot red face because it can increase your core temperature. Taking some paracetamol will help. These are common side effects that will go quickly and not a sign of an allergic reaction
-When you go to the loo again, you might notice part or even a whole tablet fall out or when you wipe, a greyish/white paste from the tablets. Don't worry, it will still work.

I would also recommend going to a sexual health clinic for a full STI screening once this is over. Wishing you all the best and happy to answer any questions you might have x

Thank you for this! It’s really helpful.

i appreciate all the comments posted, it makes me feel less alone as I haven’t told anyone around me apart from one friend who lives away from me. I had my first tablet, so far I feel ok. Going to take the others tomorrow about mid day and just pray it isn’t too bad. I’m only around 4 weeks so hoping it’s not the worst experience. The clinic today at first refused to give me the tablets as I’m so early on it couldn’t be clearly seen on the scan, I was so upset though at the thought of having to go through another week of this that the senior nurse went against her and gave me them anyway. Fingers crossed this will be over soon. His reaction to it confirmed I was going the right thing x

OP posts:
JDM625 · 29/11/2025 13:30

How are you getting on today OP?

Daisymay1000 · 29/11/2025 14:08

JDM625 · 29/11/2025 13:30

How are you getting on today OP?

I had my pills around 2 hours ago. Not really feeling anything as of yet though 🙈x

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 29/11/2025 14:19

Don't worry. These things can happen. The guy sounds like a knob but just forget him and focus on your life.

It's perfectly reasonable to not want to continue an unwanted pregnancy that happened with someone you know isn't nice and not interested.

I hope everything goes the way you wish x

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