To leave my partner because I’ve fallen for a married man?

[ForTheLoveOfAnotherMan]

We’ve been together for 14 years.

Over the past couple of years the relationship has changed significantly. I’ve had some major health problems, and in truth we’re now more friends than anything else.

But we haven’t fallen out, we still get on.

But I’ve fallen for someone else.

Thing is, he’s married. Nothing has happened, nothing will happen, and I don’t even know if he feels the same. So it wouldn’t be a case of me leaving to pursue something there.

But the fact I’ve developed feelings for someone else makes me think that I should be ending this relationship, because it’s never going to go anywhere.

I’m no longer physically attracted to him. He’s not done anything wrong for that to have happened, I’m just not. Those feelings just aren’t there.

I’m not bothered by the thought of being alone. I don’t need a man to be fulfilled. But equally I know that my friends and family would tell me I was stupid for ending a relationship just because I fell for someone which was never going to go anywhere anyway.

Yes, it's made you realise you no longer want to be with him. It's unfair to both of you. Time to split.

Time to split, but don't hang your hopes on the married chap (sounds like you're not, anyway 👍)

I think this is it.

TBH I think I’ve known that for a while, but I’d put the lack of intimacy down to my illness, until I realised that I was attracted to someone else.

And he wants sex, and the fact is, I don’t. And I’m not going to. And I agree he deserves someone who does.

I have no intentions of going out and finding me someone else, and I absolutely do not intend to go after a married man. But said married man has just opened my eyes. Iyswim?

Kids?

No absolutely not.

Homewrecker and OW certainly aren’t attributes I aspire to.

I don’t even know if he’d look at me twice if he was single, and that’s a thought process not to go down IMO.

No. I have DC from a previous relationship, but they’re adults now.

But equally I know that my friends and family would tell me I was stupid for ending a relationship just because I fell for someone which was never going to go anywhere anyway.

Well of course they would, as would anyone.

But it's not about the married man is it really?

You want to end your relationship so go ahead and do it.

OP. This makes a lot of sense.
opened your eyes.
yes. Let this one go and have a lovely life.
let him find someone who wants to shag him.

I think you need to have a conversation with partner about how relationship has gone into friends territory and do they feel the same

The married man should be a write off. Don't go there at all.
But you need to have a frank conversation with your DP about how you are feeling about your relationship. It is only fair to do that.

So we had a conversation at the weekend.

I actually wasn’t sure how to bring it up, but he tried to initiate sex which kind of kicked it off.

He agreed that he realises I’ve been distant lately, and I said to him that we’ve become friends, and i don’t see that changing.

He wants a physical relationship and I absolutely don’t. It’s not that we’ve done anything wrong, it’s just run its course.

I didn’t tell him I’ve fallen for someone else. I’m not going there so it’s not something he ever needs to know.

He thinks we can make the relationship work. He wants us to try, thinks that if I just try then I’ll get to want the physical contact again.

I don’t. And I’ve been honest with him about that.

We don’t live together for logistical reasons, so it’s an easier one to unpick than it otherwise would have been.

I wouldn’t connect your crush on this married man with your feelings towards your husband. The first may well be driven by your hormones, the second is a bit more complicated. I’m not saying stay, but don’t read this other thing as any kind of sign.