AIBU not to want to cook Xmas dinner for 12 people

[Pollypickme]

I invited my in-laws for Xmas dinner and they said yes but almost immediately said that my BIL, wife and child would probably spend Xmas at theirs so would it be ok to invite them. I hesitantly said yes as they are vegan. They’re nice enough but I have zero in common with them and they tend to overstay for hours when invited over.
this week my MIL has asked if my husbands sister, partner and child can also come? She’s not particularly nice to me and not someone I would ever spend time with if I wasn’t related via marriage. I haven’t said yes but I kind of feel obligated. Please help! AIBU not to want to

This! I’d rescind the whole invitation & say you’ll leave them to it as it’s turned into something that you can’t offer.

Woah, that’s very cheeky!
Who issues invites to other people’s Christmas dinners???

I’d be pretty blunt at this stage.

Tell MIL as she wants to invite more guests to dinner, she’ll have to host now as you’re not a professional cook and it’s completely put you off hosting a large gathering.

Instead you’ll revert to the original plan and just host the PIL’s for Boxing Day instead.

2 people inviting 6 exactly what kind of mug do you want to be?

Sorry ILs it's all out of hand now. Let's scrap lunch and see you for drinks and games at 5pm-8pm. Love to everyone!

Why can’t everyone bring something - largely pre cooked and can be warmed up ? And desserts/drinks etc. And then it’s a roast but you don’t have to do the entire thing.

I’d just say it’s too many people. It was already a squish with bil his wife and child when you invited her. Adding on another three is just far too many.

If it were me I’d ask them all to bring an item for the dinner then stick a smile on my face and host. It’s Christmas and they are your family.

Compromise by asking everyone to chip in with both bringing dishes, cooking and cleaning up. Turn it into a family bonding session.

I say this as someone who had your experience a few years ago. We all just got stuck in together and it was a really good day.

Given it has grown so much from your original invite I think it is okay to call a halt to proceedings.
Even organising a place to go out to eat which might be hard, and they would have to pay should not fall on your shoulders. So don't pick that up either.
So I would say on reflection numbers have got too many and you don't want to nor intended to host a Christmas dinner for that number of people.
Phone people. And stick to your guns.

@Pollypickme YANBU OP and I wouldn't even have agreed to the vegan BIL and his family coming too. In fact, I'd have said not to worry then as in-laws and the vegans could do Christmas together and you, your DH and DC could have Christmas on your own ... Bliss! (But you're probably a nicer person than me OP. 😂 )

What does your DH think about it all? Am I correct that they are ALL his relatives? I'd suggest that HE does ALL the cooking and hosting!

I'd ring around a few restaurants and let them know you are now going to X restaurant and its £XXX per person, RSVP me by next week to confirm if coming 😉

You’re not the only one. I’ve ended up with 16 on the list because SIL invited an extra 4 🤦‍♀️

Just say it's becoming a bit too big of a task now, and instead you will have everyone over for nibbles and drinks at tea time.

I would cancel the whole thing, your MIL is incredibly rude to do this to you.

That's unbelievably rude of her. Say no now before she thinks of even more people to invite!

I would never agree to cater for vegans at Christmas. There's already too much to do as it is and I don't have unlimited utensils/cookware/oven space.

Er, no??

Cooking for vegans as well??

Come on

They will all be booked up and why should she spend all that money?

Op practice learning to say no or you'll think about it when people put you on the spot.
Tell them no.

I’d use the latest cheekyfuckery to say that you’ve had to rethink the whole thing and dinner’s off altogether.

Instead, you’ll be putting on a few manageable drinks and vegan nibbles on the 28th Dec or whatever suits you.

And tell your husband to sort his people out.

Yes if you’re silly enough to say yes she will come back with another 4. She’ll be telling them ‘don’t be silly it’s no trouble at all, dil loves entertaining!’

Just say "Awfully sorry but we just don't have the capacity to host that many, so perhaps we should all come round to yours for Christmas dinner" or "Why don't you eat dinner at yours then, and come round to us for Boxing Day tea instead?"

Doing a tea on Boxing Day is far less hassle, and much easier to cope with vegans that way.

voted Yanbu
however Christmas dinner is about the easiest cooking for large numbers there is.
Turkey is easy to prep- just coat and stuff with butter, orange juice, garlic and olive oil. Get everyone to help prepping sprouts as for some reason they find this hilarious and once they are in the kitchen you can rope them into dishes.
frozen veg for everything else
snd oodles of grave to cover over frozen veg.
chill in kitchen to avoid horrid relatives. The one who love you or don’t like them, will find you- and you drink stash
i love a Christmas dinner prep, me 🎅
get the vegans to bring their own as kitchen counters contaminated with turkey fat

This is an excellent opportunity to get out of the whole thing.

Let me think a bit.... No sorry it doesn't work at all and I've realised I'm going to struggle with Barry and Sue's food too. Maybe we should go back to original plans and think about a larger family gathering some other time? (then never do)

And learn to at least say ' let me think about whether that will work' rather than 'yes'.

This

Say it’s all too much now but offer instead for them to come over for a Christmas night buffet and games from 4pm or so, or afternoon tea from late afternoon, or maybe Boxing Day from 2pm.

If everyone does want to come ask them all to provide a dish or drinks at the least.

Maybe suggest canapés and champagne at brunch time, before they head home for lunch or mince pies, tea and sherry late afternoon?