Who buys your DC Xmas gifts?

[AlwaysHopefull89]

Am I wrong to feel upset that DH hasn’t even bought our DD 1 Xmas gift?! Or even bothered looking for her?

Yet he will sit there Xmas day and take all the credit as well… or is this standard??

how our bills are split:
DH pays for all mortgage
i contribute to bills - but DH pays majority.
I pay for all childcare/ nursery fees. All care items for DC.
i pay for the food shop every week- at least over £100 (can’t get lower)

am I wrong to expect a bit of help…?

If you’re looking for a financial contribution to the gifts then you should ask him.
If you’re looking for help in buying gifts then also ask him. Give him the list and tell him which ones he should go out and buy.
I did all the buying for the dc sometimes I paid for it if I didn’t have enough dh paid for it I told him how much I needed. But I still went and bought the presents or ordered them online.
I don’t have an issue with the one doing the actual shopping because I work part time from home he works full time out of the house and travels a lot. He is also the main breadwinner and pays for pretty much everything.

edited to add, the gifts were from Santa so neither of us took any credit for it.
Now that they’re older it’s from both of us, dh doesn’t get resentful because he’s paid for it neither do I get resentful because I went out and bought it. The kids say thank you to us both they know their dad has paid for it and I have gone out and bought it!

He should contribute financially to the gifts ideally, but I don’t see why he needs to choose them independently to you, I think it’s fairly normal for one parent to do the buying for the kids

Our finances are joint so DS' gifts come out of the joint Christmas pot (we use Monzo and have several pots we both have access to). DH picked up DS' main gift as it was a switch 2 and DH works for a major electrical retailer so got a good discount. I am picking up the little bits for the stocking. All of it is paid for from the joint pot.

We have one bank account but I do all the shopping. I think you’d need to have one person in charge logistically anyway so you don’t duplicate. How do you manage other random spending?

We share money, but aren’t precious about who buys what. If it’s something that’s only available from a shop then the person nearest gets it. If it’s online it’s whoever remembers to do it first (we keep shared notes for food shop/presents and tick it off once done). I don’t think I know anyone who buys gifts independently for their children, unless they are separated.

Would you not go together for a day out? It was literally nearly our only date day! Costs are family costs surely! Sit down with him op, that sounds depressing, it’s a great fun day out!

Is the issue the lack of help in choosing gifts or the lack of financial help?

DH and I work the same way as @Prelim - we have joint notes that we each add to when we think of something DCs might like and we each tick off as we buy something. It’s all joint money so doesn’t matter who pays for it really.

Honestly I do but I don't mind
If I needed money he would give me it

All gifts from Santa so neither of us get credit

I’ve always bought, and paid for, Xmas and birthday gifts but my DH pays for everything else except my social stuff.
I consult with him, or just tell him what I’ve bought and for whom, but apart from that I do it all. He’s just not interested until the kids open their presents.

You could have a separate bank account that you both contribute to in proportion to your incomes. So if your DH earns twice as much as you do, he puts in twice as much as you. And all bills come out of that account, including Christmas present costs.

I don't think it's unusual for one parent to take on the majority of present buying for joint children, if you're not happy with being that person then you'll need to bring it up with your DH. Generally one parent tends to be more aware of what the child actually plays with, which toys are being put away at the end of the day on a daily basis. But both parents should be aware of what the child is hoping to receive.

I do think it feels nicer when both parents are working as a team. If your DH delegates the job to you because he believes you'll be better at bargain hunting etc, you need to tell him that you want him to be more involved.

I am feeling really low about the whole thing to be honest. I also organise ALL presents for his family (mum and dad, sister who is 43) and x1 niece and x1 nephew. I have to beg him to contribute after I have bought them (he is the main earner).

Ive noticed he does not part with his money very well but recently it has gotten worse.

if I give him a list he won’t sort it. Then no one will end up getting presents. I’ve asked him probably for weeks to buy DD something.

I think we may have to join our finances

I purchase everything. For us, DD, anything for house, food. DH settles the mortgage and a bit of utilities.

All gifts, and indeed everything on your list, comes out of the joint account. We have no his and hers money. I think it's U to have any financial split to any of it.

If you mean thinking about ideas then ideally it would be equal but DH does far more than me in that regard as he has much better ideas. That side of it is highly unlikely to be equal. You should expect to be able to discuss it though.

Well stop that immediately.
If his family don't get a present, thats on him
Don't make more work for yourself

They are paid for from the family pot. If you and DH have separate finances then DH should be paying half or you come to an arrangement - one of you pays for the stocking and one of you pays for the mail gift for example.

I buy everything but we have joint finances.

But dp will help (for example, I knew I wanted to get the dc a laptop last year but he will look at make, model and deals).

It is absolutely wifework and should be split, both financially and in terms of mental load, I just prefer to do it so I don't mind. If you do, he should be doing half.

Stop doing this. Let DH face the consequences of not prepping for his family. You don't have to be responsible for that.

😂😂 as the controversial (?not that I noticed) boots ad said last year, it’s Mrs Claus that does all the Christmas work. My kids are older so know exactly what they are getting, but I still buy it all, I put money aside from joint account every month into a Christmas account. My husband finds out what they have got as we are putting it out the night before! My dad used to find out (and still does to some extent) what we got when I was little, the same way! Why not ask you husband to start a tradition whereby he gets one gift - maybe a charm bracelet so he can add to it every year, or a special Christmas ornament for your child every year that is just from him. You will have to remind him every year! When your kids get older, they are aware that all the work put in was you, you will get credit for it, just delayed credit!

I buy the majority of gifts, but the money comes from our joint account (which is currently solely funded by DH as I'm not working at the moment). However, DH has bought DS main present this year (again using joint account) and I'll wrap it.

Ok this is bad, my husband would defer to me early on, I got fed up. I decided to just take him out every year to boots and told him to buy his family’s presents because I wasn’t anymore. We did it together and still do, but I won’t tell him what to get and at the till he has to get his wallet out! After years of boots gifts on 3 for 2, plus really expensive perfume for his mum, he has started putting more thought into it!
At the end of the day, if you keep going, he’ll keep expecting you to.

It’s two different problems - the money and the effort. My husband is genuinely the worst at choosing gifts. He inevitably gets people exactly what they’d never want. After several years of this I took over the actual shopping but all our money is in one pot. So I guess it depends if it’s the money or the effort you find most frustrating

Thanks all x

All out money is in one pot don't technically DH does buy the presents with me but practically I actually purchase them as DH is useless at presents and also he would leave it to a Christmas Eve which would stress me out so I do it. He helps wrap.

I buy all DDs birthday and Christmas presents.
I often use my own money but we have joint funds too that I will use sometimes.