firstly, I apologise this will be long and please be gentle with me, I’ve not really got anywhere else to turn at the moment.
I’m going through a very messy and emotionally draining divorce, and I feel completely overwhelmed.
I met my ex husband when I was very, VERY young and had no previous relationship experience at all, to know it was far from normal. At the start, everything seemed fine but gradually my life became increasingly controlled by him and his family.
Looking back, the first major warning sign was when I inherited some money after losing a parent. When I turned 18, we planned to buy a small home together and I used part of my inheritance for the deposit. My ex told me his parents fully supported it and were happy for us - but it turns out they really didn’t. When they found out, they reacted badly, and the purchase completely collapsed as they forced him to pull out and I couldn’t afford the mortgage alone. I lost the deposit I had paid and a large part of my inheritance. I didn’t realise at the time how big of a red flag this was as I was so desperate for a happy relationship.
A few months later, his parents “stepped in” and bought a house for us using money from his side, without involving either of us in the decision at all. We were expected to move in and pay them an inflated rent way above market value, and it was made very clear the property was for their son and not to benefit me.
I furnished it with the rest of my inheritance and contributed heavily to bills. I think looking back I was desperate to try and make somewhere feel like home for us. The home was miles and miles from my job and family and completely isolated me. I was spending almost 3 hours a day commuting and hardly ever saw my friends or family. I was becoming much more reliant on my ex and his family.
In 2020, the same pattern repeated but on a much bigger scale. His family bought a larger rural house for him, using more of his inheritance in an attempt to invest it into an asset, again without consultation with either of us. We were suddenly told we would be moving and they were selling our current home. The message was always the same, the home was his, and not mine and I was essentially a lodger.
They tried to pressure me to sign a prenup before marriage to protect everything they had given him, which I refused as at the time, it felt insulting and I had no plans to ever get a divorce! I thought I’d be spending my life with him. Another red flag I should have taken seriously, but I was still so young.
Despite contributing again with furnishings and financially and taking care of the new home, I was never treated as though I belonged there. I resided here from 2020, throughout our marriage and until I left earlier this year.
Over the years, my ex’s behaviour became emotionally abusive and sometimes physical as well. His family’s control intensified and affected everything including our finances, my career, even medical decisions like fertility treatment which we were going through at the time, to the point I felt I had nothing control over my own body.
I eventually lost the career I had worked hard for, as I ended up working unreasonable overtime hours in a family-run business I never wanted to be part of in an attempt to support my ex and his dream. My mental health deteriorated from this point on and I felt I had no break from them, we were constantly together 24/7.
By early 2024, things were completely unbearable and I began to see the signs. When I finally admitted the relationship needed to end, things escalated even further. Although we were still living fairly amicably in the marital home, my ex moved out suddenly in the winter and cut off all utilities one day whilst I was at work - electricity, hot water and heating while I was still living there.
I spent winter and Christmas alone in a freezing cold house and couldn’t afford to eat, I was living paycheck to paycheck and struggled to put fuel in the car to get to the little part time job I took for my own freedom. I was showering, washing clothes and eating where possible at colleagues and friends homes because they were close to work and I couldn’t afford to travel anywhere else, further isolating me from my family. It was one of the lowest points of my life when I look back - and my lovely family tried their best to support me but they didn’t have the room for me to stay and I couldn’t afford the transport fees from their homes to my job.
Earlier this year I received a sudden call from his family whilst I was at work, telling me I had literally a few hours to leave the home with immediate effect. When I returned from work that day to pack, I discovered damage to the front door that looked like someone had attempted to enter the property. I later learned from his family themselves, that someone had been sent to “inspect” the house while I was out.
I left that day with only a couple of suitcases of clothes and very, VERY little money. I slept on sofas for a while with family and left my part time job with immediate effect as I couldn’t afford to travel there, so I lost everything in one sweep. I eventually relocated abroad when a job opportunity arose, because I had absolutely no stability left in the UK and felt so low.
My reputation was damaged among my friends, neighbours and people in the local area, many of whom only heard one side of the story and I lost almost all of my friends literally overnight - so I felt I had nothing to stay here for anymore.
Now I’m abroad and really trying to rebuild from scratch but it’s so so hard. The financial disparity between us is huge: my ex has substantial assets, mortgage free home etc worth a substantial amount while I am in over 60k of debt, much of it from the marriage and legal fees of the divorce. They are never ending.
He recently offered me a VERY small settlement that wouldn’t even clear half of my debts, let alone allow me to rebuild a life again. I am worried through the family actions that they will have secured down everything to ensure I don’t receive a financial settlement - however I believe because I didn’t sign a prenup or my right to claim financially away, my lawyer says this is not the case.
I don’t want to remain in this country and would love to be able to return home to the UK soon but currently I have nothing to my name. 
I feel like I’ve lost 19 years of my life and I am left with so much trauma. I want this to be over more than anything, but I also don’t want to walk away with nothing after everything I’ve been through.
Has anyone been through something like this? How did you decide whether to keep fighting for a fair settlement or just accept a low offer and free yourself?
I’m finding this so lonely and exhausting and I am riddled with regret for not saving myself or seeing the red flags sooner 
Thank you to anyone who made it this far! And sorry for such a long and depressing post.