"... if that makes sense."

[MyThreeWords]

Anyone else getting a bit fed up with people ending perfectly simple utterances with "if that makes sense"?

Fine if you are trying to communicate something that you yourself struggle to understand, and you feel you might not have worded it very clearly.

Not fine if you are saying things like "I just like coffee more than tea, if that makes sense."

I think its the newest way of being overly tentative and appeasing in conversations. It is a way of softening what you say, often out of an anxiety about appearing to have an opinion that others might disagree with or get upset by. It's a bit like when we put an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence to make it seem more jovial and consequently less assertive/confrontational/etc - if that makes sense.😉

I read its a low selfesteem thing.
They are looking for reassurance.

But yes annoying

It is an example of weak, filler language which demonstrates that the person hasn’t expressed themselves clearly.

Its part of a broader tendency in corporate life of passive aggressive euphemism and diplomatic indirectness and over delegation to people more junior to you without accepting accountability. Along with the grotesque over-flowering if email with insincere platitudes (“I hope you are enjoying summer” etc). Generally a reflection of how impossible it is to be honest in corporate jobs.

Almost everyone does it though. Myself included.

I’ve never really noticed it before but I’m sure I will now, if that makes sense.

These phrases do quite fascinate me. I was once a local newspaper reporter and had to cover lots of boring council meetings and there was one councillor there who used to litter every sentence with “appertaining to”. The other reporters and I used to sneak a bag of sweets into the meetings and every time he said it, we were allowed to have a sweet. Great days.

Yes, that's exactly how I hear it - low self-esteem. That's partly why it is annoying. I totally understand the need to caveat your utterances in this way in an unconscious attempt to gain reassurance and/or fend off a range of fears about negative judgements, etc. I am prone to it myself, even if not with this particular expression. But it still grates a bit.

I really don't like overuse of verbal ticks and fillers. I find them grating

My most hated is "I'll be honest with ya..." at the start of a sentence. A close second is "turned around and said"

I'm going to be on tenterhooks now for the complete cluster fuck of
"I'll be honest with ya, I was talking to Sally yesterday and she turned around and said she liked tea more than coffee; she's clearly one raisin short of a teacake, if that makes sense?"

I agree. It's usually a pointless phrase.

close second is "turned around and said"

I used to know a woman who, judging by her anecdotes, never spoke without turning around. No one ever spoke to her without turning around, either. I used to imagine her and her friends spinning violently in conversations, sick and dizzy with the strain of it.

It’s just a verbal habit, though, like ‘do you know what I mean’ or ‘I’m not being funny, but—‘. Unlikely to indicate someone with any great verbal facility, but I certainly don’t think it indicates low self esteem, or an unusual amount of worry about whether the addressee understands them.

Do you have any examples? I haven't noticed anything, but will be listening out now.

So many pointless phrases in corporate life. They are endemic. Most of them, in different ways, are shit sandwiches or stealth ways to persuade others to do your job for you.

”When you get a minute”
”If you don’t mind”
”Hope x is going well/progressing but can you…”
”This is excellent but…”

Its a no win though. If you are too direct you get accused of being blunt and rude, if you’re too euphemistic people think you’re weak.

One friend has been saying 'if that makes sense' for over 10 years. Maybe it was regional and is spreading. The phrase that I notice more and more is 'in terms of'. I listen to Radio 4 and 'in terms of' comes up all the time. We're improving transport in terms of more buses, better connectivity... The climate is worsening in terms of more frequent flooding, hotter summers etc. I'm sure the phrase never used to be so common.

God yes. And 90% of the time it’s used incorrectly too.

”In terms of next steps… “ etc.

My current corporate speak pet hate is “moving x and y to bcc.” Performative gobbledygook.

Why do people feel it necessary to announce this.

If an email chain is trivial enough not to bother your boss with just take them off. You can always fill them in later.

I agree OP. It’s the same as people starting sentences with ‘obviously’ and ‘basically’ when there is absolutely no need to.

Yanbu, I've often noticed this

My mum does it all the time.

I parked in the Sainsbury's Car Park, if that makes sense.

Wtf - of course it makes sense!! Argh!!!

Oohh, what a lovely similie

Same with "not gonna lie" at the front of any sentence. It's ok, I wasn't expecting you to lie!

When I say it it's usually because the person opposite is doing something rudr like picking up their phone to check messages or I see their screen flashing which shows they are opening other windows on the call.

"Does that make sense" really means "please check back into the conversation you're having".

It has its place. I often hear it used when someone is proposing a plan, which I think is legitimate. "We'll move Tuesday's meeting to 2pm so people have time to complete their training afterwards, if that makes sense?" It's leaving the door open for a counter-proposal: "I think it would make more sense to have the meeting on Wednesday instead".

What cheeses me off a out that one is that I remember it being a trait that a character had in a book, an India Knight book.

Since I found out about her husband and her staying with him, it just grosses me out reading it. (Reading the sentence, not the book. That went out years ago. I can't seperate the art from the artist and i dont want to think about child abuse more than I have to)

I hate it. It sounds so unconfident. Men do not do this.

Yes, absolutely! I had a medical appointment with a consultant who used it to end at least every other sentence and I just felt like she was continually suggesting that I was a bit thick.

Filler phrases like this, which as you say are used to convey an appeasing, tentative approach, are annoying. But I’ve not noticed any trend in this phrase being used more at work, home, or with friends. Maybe it’s on instagram etc but I don’t follow anyone so can’t get annoyed by it!

In my experience, men say this more often than women! I wonder if it's regional.