Am I missing something??

[Leona326]

My husband and I have always had, what I would consider, a healthy relationship when it comes to balancing doing things as a couple/family and alone/with friends individually. We always check if it’s ok with the other when it comes to personal plans, in terms of checking they look after children. We’ve been together 15 years, children 10 & 6. He largely works from home and I work part time in an office. We see each other a lot on my days off and have a busy lifestyle socially and with the children.

However, recently I’ve felt like my catch ups with my friends (without him) are causing a problem. I write things on shared calendar plus tell him and he’s is fine with it. Yet when it comes to it or just after the event he’s kicking off saying I’m never at home, never make time for him and basically leading a single life! I work, run a house doing all the chores, look after the family and yes, I enjoy catch ups with my friends over coffee, dinner or walks occasionally on my days off. Not sure why this is suddenly a problem when we have multiple things booked in for us to do together. It’s really baffling me and upsetting me as I’m starting to feel awkward to see my friends, like I need to ask for permission! I’ve even cancelled plans with friend saying I can’t make it, lying I’m unwell just because I feel I can’t go because I’ve ’been out all the time!.’ I’m avoiding giving dates to people of when I free and now leading my friends to ask questions why I can’t make time for them!

Final straw today being that I went Christmas shopping (as planned), with a friend and bought stocking fillers for the children. Not main presents as we choose those together but he’s had a go at me saying I’ve ruined our shopping trip together as planned to get kids present- I’ve got stocking fillers and a cheap football kit as it was in the sale! I just feel like I can’t do right. He’s frustrated if I’m working too much and not at home, doesn’t understand and gets annoyed if I go to bed early when I’m exhausted from work because he wants us to watch tv together. I get that he wants to see me I the feeling it mutual but it’s starting to feel very unbalanced. This isn’t anything new as far as I’m concerned so why is he suddenly bothered about how much I’m doing!??

TIA x

Are you sure there is nothing else going on with him? Why is he resentful and moody suddenly? Has anything at all changed in your lives?

Are you sure hes not a bit depressed working at home all day and not seeing anyone? Regardless i would still go out with your friends, hes being controlling.

How old are you both? Does he have friends? Does he go out and meet people? Could your finances be strained? You’ve been together a long time and it seems he hasn’t always been this way - or is your socialising relatively recent?
You aren’t being unreasonable - it reads like something is going on with him that you aren’t yet aware of.

He sounds like a needy baby.

We are early 40s. We are very sociable as a couple, he sees his friends. This evening, the fall out of this argument, he had just got back from seeing a mutual friend for dinner. He’s blown up about the shopping trip today and that I meeting a friend for coffee in the morning, she’s going by through a hard time and needs to talk- think that makes two of us!
finances are good, he’s out doing his own thing between work when I’m out or sometimes here anyway. He’s his own boss so I charge of his schedule.

Nothing here has changed. He’s his own boss so not like he’s sat 9-5 in mundane job not seeing anyone. He’s makes time for himself socially, downtime etc when I’m not here and when I am! It’s always been like that so not sure why he’s suddenly annoyed about what I’m doing. I have been busier than usual but largely from work and having things booked in before Xmas. We have things booked in as a family and together so not like I’m abandoning time together or our family. I never have time at home alone like him so my escape is to go out and catch up with friends

Nothing I know about! I’ve been working more and therefore have booked in more on my few days off but surprised that’s suddenly a big deal.

If he's out a lot too with his friends then this is weird behaviour.

Have you sat down together to talk about it? Talk about how a typical week or month of socialising would look like to both of you and try to find a compromise you're both happy with.

Is he somehow projecting, I wonder.