To think they DH doesn’t do enough with the baby?

[sowham]

DH and I are equally split domestically I’d say. However, I want to know if IABU with what he does for our baby. I do:

Feeding every bottle and have done every night feed since birth.
All nappies unless there’s a rare time I can’t. I’d be generous to estimate that DH does one a week. Never a poo.
Brush teeth (early teether!)
Take baby to classes
Have baby all day and evening apart from when I specifically hand them to dh to get a bottle/go to the toilet, if I’m very lucky a shower
Do all bedtimes
Do 3/4 baths

DH does:

Makes 90% of the bottles
1/4 baths
Holds baby when I specifically hand them to him, occasionally takes them to sooth if upset.
Does maybe 1 nappy a week, has never cleaned a poo.

DH doesn't do hard or long hours. He does do more domestically, I’d say it’s split 50/50 ish.

He might come into his own when the baby is a toddler - have you spoken to him about what you'd like?

Of course he doesn't do enough given what you've written in the lists.

He should be doing way more.

Apart from perhaps the 'baby classes' as I wouldn't be able to stand them.

@Posithor just as well OP isn’t waiting until the baby is a toddler before she starts being a parent

This needs to change - especially the bedtimes and the nappies. Otherwise you will never be able to go out and leave your baby in the sole care of DH. It's effectively trapping you at home.

Is there a reason why the workload has fallen like it has? Time for a chat and a reset

I'm better with babies and my husband is better with toddlers... we're both trying to get our heads around a tween. I think that's ok to admit without making either of us/them terrible parents - it didn't sound from the OP that he was an awful person but I do think the OP should speak to him about what she needs - I change my baby's nappy 90% of the time because I'm on maternity leave, I do it quicker (because I do it more no doubt) and he's usually dealing with the other two 🤷🏼‍♀️

DH would change nappies after I had fed DD at night (was exclusively breastfed so he couldn't do that bit), and during the day on a sort of 50/50ish basis. He also washed all the nappies (cloth) and clothes.

He would take DD out for a walk in the pram if I wanted some time to myself.

Once she was weaning he would take turns at helping her try food...

Basically he parented her from day 1. Actually he was the first one to change her nappy cos I was sleeping after an emergency C-section and doped up to the eyeballs on painkillers.

Your DH is being useless and needs to get a grip.

Go out

Never changed a pooey nappy? Ffs!
He's not pulling his weight, simple as that.

@TimeForTeaAndG DH changed DC’s first nappy too, and going forward when both of us were available to do nappies he probably did most of them. He got a reprieve when he was at work but as soon as he got home he took over nappy duty.

And he was the same as your DH in the first few weeks doing nappies at night and settling after I had done a breastfeed, so I could get a bit more rest between night feeds.

He also took on baths as that was a good bonding time for them.

The nappies thing is nuts. What does he do if you’re in the shower/in the loo/otherwise busy and baby pees/poos?!
Does he interrupt what you’re doing to come and tell you a nappy needs changing?!

With all 3 of my DCs I didn’t change a single nappy until my exH went back to work after paternity leave. I was breastfeeding all of them at the beginning, so the deal was I put the food in, exH deals with it when it comes out the other end 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠😂

I mean this kindly but do you leave him to do things his way or are you hovering over him supervising the whole time?

Just asking as that happened to a family member of mine and it really dented his confidence with the constant 'no, not like that' whenever he picked up the baby or tried to change her.

I would suggest hand the baby to him and pop out to the shops, have a 2 hour bath, coffee with friends etc.

There would have been signs of such behaviour prior to you marrying him and having a kid with him… but you chose to continue anyway. These are the consequences of your choices and now you’re full of resentment and writing lists, calculating percentages of what you do vs what he does with your child. How sad.

So when you decided to have a baby with him how much interest and input did he have in the whole process and what expections did you settle on before having the baby?

He’s never even changed a poo nappy?? That’s poor.

You said he does more domestically, would you prefer to do equal parts of the housework with him doing more for baby? When ours were small, id have the baby most of the time and DH did more around the house because I breastfed and it worked for us, changed for us as they grow