To be worried about my daughter?

[CrumblingCake]

My daughter has been unwell for a number of years, with stomach issues. We have been supported by numerous doctors over this time.

She was at one point, very underweight, which was causing complications. She has now gained a lot of weight, but is not at her target yet. Her progress is being tracked by her doctors, and we need to remain on this upward trajectory.

Unfortunately, DD has caught some sort of winter virus and has completely lost her appetite. She is refusing to eat, and she is 12. There is absolutely no persuasion tactic that will work. I have been very honest with her on the implications of not eating. It’s met with complete refusal.

Although her weight is in a much better place than it once was, I am afraid for her to stop eating. This is a slippery slope, and it’s shocking how quickly weight will fall off and how hard it will be to regain. What do I do?? Just sit back and watch her not eat? Her throat is very sore and she has a fever, so I understand her appetite being depleted, but she doesn’t have the luxury of excess weight to lose. 😢

What are the stomach issues have they been dealt with? Could she have ARFID?

Does she normally, when healthy, have food refusal? What did you do to help her gain weight? How long has she not been eating for since being unwell?

Not even chocolate?

I’m sure you have tried ice-cream, custard etc.. send you a hand hold. It’s such a worry for you.

Are things like yfood drinks tolerable to her?

My DD will tolerate warm semolina in this situation.

How long has she been refusing to eat? If it’s a day or so I’d let it go for tonight and see how she is in the morning. If she’s still refusing tomorrow I’d get in touch with her doctors.

Have you tried those meal replacement drinks? If chilled they may sooth her throat and get the calories in?

She has gained weight by upping her food intake and reducing exercise. She is now in the thresh-hold where exercise is allowed again, but that means slower weight gain. She has had some breadsticks and flapjack this morning and nothing since. Won’t have chocolate, or ice cream, or a smoothie, or a milkshake. I have offered her every food option under the sun.

Is she anorexic? Or what is the issue that has got her to this point? As obviously what can be done depends on why it's happened.

You dont say what her issues really are. If she has something like Crohns then obviously finding the right foods can be difficult.
Otherwise food like porridge with double cream? Tomato soup? You could add cream to that too.
Maybe you need to insist she has tiny amounts. If she doesnt genuinely feel like eating its hard but if shes actually anorexic then you might need more help.

She’s not anorexic. She has had suspected delayed gastric emptying for a number of years, which seems to be resolving thankfully. I just worry about her, more than if she hadn’t been through all of this and more than I would if she was at her goal weight.

I think your anxiety and issues around your DD’s weight are likely to be detrimental to her in the future.

She’s ill. It’s unfortunate that she losing weight as a result but it’s not a conscious intention to lose weight and she can put it back on again once she’s better.

Right now her current virus should be the focus and any concern about her weight can be dealt with separately once she is feeling better.

Thank you @FuzzyWolf - I think you’re right. It’s so hard trying to do what’s best. I just want to protect her.

It’s completely understandable and natural to want to protect her (and I have a child under the eating disorders clinic, so whilst it’s different I can understand the worry behind it) but hopefully this is very short term.

I hope she feels much better very soon.

This, absolutely. I can completely understand your concerns given her history, but if she has an acute febrile illness then she just won’t feel like eating for a few days, and that’s perfectly appropriate. Pushing her to eat when she doesn’t feel like it is likely to be very counter-productive. As long as she’s drinking, her overall health is not going to suffer from a few days with minimal food.

How long has she has the recent virus? While I get why you are worried, it is not surprising that she doesn't want to eat at the moment. Let her recover and then see if her eating improves.