Perimenopause irritation

[Icantbelieveitsnotbetter]

Hi all, I'm 43 and currently in the throes of what I think is perimenopause. I need to know if I am BU or whether this is something other people have experienced in terms of the irritation I am experiencing on a daily basis. Previously I feel that I was a reasonably kind, thoughtful and considerate person who always wanted to think of others. The only way I can describe how I feel now is that I can barely give two f*cks with this and I have basically zero tolerance to any nonsense or time wasting behaviour. As a lifelong people pleaser, I seem to have lost all my people pleasing tenancies, which is nice in a way, but I "feel" different. I now dont want to do anything that doesnt bring me happiness or peace, and I refuse to make myself uncomfortable to appease other people. I must add that I havent lost this when it comes to my DC, and still do everything I can to support them and help where I can. It's other people. I have developed this "cant be arsed" attitude which is very different to how I was in my 20s and 30s. I am not depressed, I feel no sadness or lethargy. Its just like I am "done" with anything that doesn't suit me. I can no longer be bothered to go out of an evening to loud, noisy venues where I have to stand up for hours, or make small talk with colleagues. I feel irritable about even minor inconveniences although on the surface I can still manage to be pleasant and I'm not rude to anyone. I have been on HRT for a year or so which greatly helped with my other symptoms ie not being able to sleep, hot flushes and brain fog. My memory is rubbish and if its not written down somewhere I forget it. Im not so bothered about that, its more this change in my approach to life in general that I am wondering about. Previously I would go out all over the place, now all I feel like doing is being comfy at home with my PJs and a good book and some chocolate. I dont want to be hassled by anyone. Im absolutely not sad, and still find immense happiness in activities that are meaningful to me. Yesterday I had a day off and wandered around an art gallery and went for a pot of tea and I felt very relaxed and happy. I'm just wondering if there are other mumsnetters who have experienced similar?
YABU - nope, not me
YANBU - yes, I have experienced similar.

Yes. It's natural. You are running out of fucks.
Good isnt it.😆

I’m in exactly the same boat as you OP so if YABU then so am I. The RAGE. If you don’t what I wear/what I say/how I am I couldn’t give two shits. I’d never deliberately seek to upset someone but I’m done with trying to impress people or fit in. You can take me or leave me.

Sounds totally normal to me. It's not forever though. I'm coming out the other side now and having a bit of a 'factory reset' with the caveat I was never much of a people pleaser to start with.

Sounds great.

Unfortunately my menopause has resulted in misery so count your chickens!

You are categorically not alone!! I feel like a completely different person to the one I was in my 20s and 30s and you sound like you had/have a very similar personality to me

I'm not bothered about the not wanting to be around other people although it can be inconvenient as it's hard to avoid other people (friends of DC etc) but I really hate the total indifference and lack of joy I used to have in things.

I just can't be arsed with hardly anything anymore!

Same and absolutely embracing it. It can cause problems with relationships but I think most of them had enjoyed a good run before I got more spikey!

This all sounds normal.

It’s not just you. I can barely be bothered with anything at this point. I don’t want to do anything. That’s not because I don’t actually enjoy doing things - I do. It’s just that my FAVOURITE thing to do is nothing.

Sofa ✅
Hound ✅
Cup of tea ✅
I’m perfectly content!

I daydream about running away to the coast and living in a tiny cottage, just the dog and I. But, it seems like a huge effort and the teen might object, so I’ll just wait until I’m out the other side of menopause and have a bit more energy.

I’ve just turned 50 and am finding anything involving ‘people’ takes a lot more effort than it used to.

I could have written exactly this. Sofa, dog and tea is just my favourite thing. On occasion I spend an entire weekend doing just that. I could never get bored of it. I sometimes announce to the family on those weekends that I am not going to be cooking anything for anyone. They have to sort themselves out (they are all big enough and ugly enough, as our dear Mums used to say).

I too dream of a tiny cottage- just me and the dog. We do actually have a lovely caravan on our driveway and I have seriously thought about moving in there alone with the dog.

I had this. My exDP was the collateral damage. The fact he had never divorced his wife in 25 yrs, he contributed little financially to the house hold, he didn’t life a finger to clean/take bins out/do anything with me. My tolerance ran out. My life is infinitely better. When the fucks run out there is no going back.

Post menopause. I longer do anything I don’t want to do or see anyone I don’t want to see. Spent far too many years setting myself on fire to keep other fuckers warm. Dump me. Cut me off. Block and delete me. Do what you like. Suits me x

Welcome to the club! I think life is better like this 😊😊

This is totally normal! Nothing now makes me happier than having no plans and not having to keep anyone else happy. I just want peace, calm, sleep, comfort…. It’s great! I would embrace it. And anyone who doesn’t accept you for who you are can do one!