To skip the work Christmas party?

[Roseyblue]

I work in an office of about 30 people. I generally get on fine with everyone however it can feel quite cliquey at times. I've been there a year but don't feel particularly close to anyone really. Quite a dew different groups would meet up outside of work, ring and message each other etc. the Christmas party is coming up, its to be in a restaurant we've all paid a deposit, there's about twenty going but im starting to feel like I want to skip it. There's ongoing talk of outfits taxis where to go after the meal and I just don't feel that excited or included. Plus we're expected to drink and do rounds in groups, though no idea how it'll work with me but feel it'll be expensive. Aibu to just not go? Dreading it but know ill feel guilty cancelling and probably more outside of things

Could you not go for the meal and just go home, surely the dinner won't be rounds ?

Invent a sudden obligation and bow out. Why would you feel guilty? It's work, not family or friends. Nobody will mind, especially not with that many going.

Well you can skip it, but surely this type of thing is how you get to know colleagues better, especially those you don’t deal with directly day to day.

You won't be the only one not going, I wouldn't bother.

If you don’t want to go then don’t. If you’re not that close to anyone it can be horrible on the sidelines.

This is my 4th Christmas do in my job. First two were fine as they had an activity but last year and this are the same - a fancy dress piss up with minimal nibbles. Last year I conveniently booked a long weekend in Budapest for the same one and this year I've just stood up for myself and said "it sounds shit, not for me thanks" and no one is bothering me about it much now. We don't all like the same things and the people that organise these dos try and strike a medium I'm sure but I'm too old for fomo now. I've got lovely plans that night. Saturday nights are extremely precious as well, it is a very hard push to get my to see colleagues for it!
Just say no if you don't want to but a pp suggested just the meal, that could be ok especially if you've paid a deposit already x

I wouldn't go to any works do where I was expected to pay! We have a Christmas meal out and a mid summer one which we're expected to go to. I don't particularly relish them but at least it's all paid for. If I had to pay too, no way would I go

So we have to pay for the dinner individually in cash as the restaurant doesn't split bills, its a set menu so we know how we owe in advance, for the drinks you go up to the bar and order and someone mentioned last year people just did rounds in groups, so depending what way the group is broken up I could end up spending quite a lot!

Act positively towards the whole thing, talk about how you are looking forward to it and the lovely outfit you have picked out. Then no one will suspect you were never intending to attend. Then closer to the time choose some massively inconvenient reason why you can’t go… car break down, child care cancelled, broken boiler, sick child…

This is exactly my thinking, I have been joining in the chat about it, paid my deposit etc but really starting to feel like I dont want to go. I'll likely have to bus it or pay a lot for a taxi. I'm sure quite a few are sharing lifts down etc but no one mentioned it to me!

I feel no one will really notice if i dont go but the next day people will bring it up and I'll feel awkward

I have a relative rather like this, all of a sudden he'll say something like "Sorry but I'm being hounded by the press and I can't possibly come, and anyway I have a straightforward shooting weekend to attend, which I don't want to miss'.

Ah right. I would maybe suggest a kitty so a certain amount each then after that get your own, but if it is too stressful then pull out, there is no point in going if you are going to be miserable,

1 of my Dc said they were not going to their works Christmas do because last year it was carnage.

Why don't your work cover it? Don't go if not

Just fib the next day and say you were really disappointed to miss it. It won't be awkward if they think you've genuinely had an emergency/illness. You don't need to elaborate or go on about it, just make all the right noises when they tell you about all the antics that went on and nobody will care.

I used to go to works do and didn’t really enjoy it. I then used to conveniently arrange something else that night. Then it got expensive so said it was too expensive with taxis etc on top. In the end I just didn’t bother to say anything and I honestly think I wasn’t missed. There were some big drinkers I wasn’t gorgeous glamorous people whereas I was overweight and dressed a lot more frumpy than them. Retired now so don’t have to bother.

Just don’t go.

I went to last years and had a great night but I don’t fancy it this year so not going. Although it is good to go to the first one as it helps get to know people.

Yes kind of feel the same way, im friendly with everyone but not part of any group. In my last jobs Ive always gone but we were a smaller team so much easier, this team has groups of young ones all very glam and social with each other and older ones who like to meet up, I'm in an in-between age with young kids so dont feel part of either!

When I first joined where I work everyone was open and friendly and people just sat wherever ! Then as people left and new people came in the mood changed and a group only ever sit together which makes it really awkward for everyone else !
So I don't bother now.
They even run to the table to get their drinks down so they can all sit together it's so weird !
Why not just go out by themselves !

I remember those evenings so well .

Your young children are your rescue package - any one of them could provide you with a get out.
Write off your deposit and settle in for a family night at home with favourite dinner.

I wouldn't bother joining in for rounds, you could say you're only staying for the meal and you'll buy your own drinks.

Ah just seen this is an old post I expect the Christmas do has been and gone by now!