To finish with him because of his dog?

[FarageAndAWay]

Boyfriend has a dog, it’s huge and a bit mental. When I go around to his it literally bounces off each wall on the way to me - flys at me barking and mouthing, instantly runs off with my shoes etc

Then the entire evening is dictated by the dog - it goes mental barking at the slightest noise outside, aimlessly wanders around the room whining, parks itself inbetween us and then suddenly loses its head and starts jumping all over one of us (normally me). Drinks get knocked over, you can’t relax as dog is constantly trampling all over the sofa etc

I hate going. I love dogs but this one is just too much, it gets excited over the slightest thing - it’s that bad that if she finally settles I sit there desperately needing a wee because I daren’t get up because if I do, dog will jump to attention and start going mental again.

He asked me if I’d stay there overnight in a few weeks to look after dog whilst he’s away with work and I agreed but now I don’t know if I can handle it, and I don’t know if I can handle said dog’s presence at all anymore - it stresses me out

Admittedly I am not a dog person. But I’d have ended it after the first time meeting such a badly trained dog.

This sounds tough. I love dogs and have two high-energy ones myself, and while they can be a bit annoying sometimes, it’s nothing like what you’re describing.

is the dog getting enough exercise? I think tha would be a logical place to start.

Say no to looking after the dog, I don’t think that’s fair on you or the dog!

I think you need to tell him that you like him but you don’t want to hang out at his because of the dog. Either he’ll decide in favour of his untrained dog or he’ll try and train it. It’s very early on so it’s fine to walk away over something like this.

I'd be concerned he was instantly viewing me as a free dog care provider rather than continuing with whatever arrangements he'd have made otherwise.

That type of man generally forgets how to do his own laundry and cook for himself once you move in, too. You end up doing all the unpaid shit gruntwork. And dealing with an untrained dog- no thanks.

I say that as a huge dog lover

I am a dog person, absolutely adore them. Don’t even mind if they go a bit crackers when I turn up somewhere and leap all over me.

I wouldn’t put up with that though. Not in the slightest. Someone who has a dog who can’t be arsed to put in the effort to train is a big red flag to me. What else can’t he be arsed to put in the effort for?!

You are allowed to break up with your boyfriend for any reason you like. I once went off a man because he pronounced the “l” in “folks”. Having a disruptive dog doesn’t work for you and that is fine.

But break up with him now. Don’t leave him with no one to look after his dog immediately before an important work trip.

Just say you are busy

Have you articulated any of this to him?

I would explain this to him so he is aware but yes, you can break up with him for any reason you like.

If you aren’t going to look after his dog, at least do the decent thing and tell him with enough time to find someone who can.

You can try to say something - if it goes badly, you'll just split anyway.

Is there any chance the problem will go away in reasonable time frame (old dog, ill dog, beru young dog which was better and now reached some new phase)?

Do you see him realistically changing something about the dog's training and exercising?

Are you willing to put your energy into the training yourself if you planned moving together?

If no-no-no finish it.
If some yes, give it another thought and discuss with him.

I'd end the relationship OP. I personally wouldn't want to be responsible for a healthy dog being put to sleep or "rehomed". That's the logical outcome if you give him an ultimatum and it's not fair on your boyfriend and especially the poor dog! It goes without saying that you shouldn't look after it whilst he's away. It sounds like the dog needs more training or exercise but that could take a long time, a lot of effort and even then might not resolve the issue. Is the dog being properly cared for? Sorry, I am rather more concerned about the dog than you to be fair.

I love dogs but yanbu, at all.

I’d have run for the hills by now. SIL has two untrained dogs who are constantly barking and jumping up and reacting to everything. She lives with her parents, otherwise I just wouldn’t visit her. But I feel I should visit PIL’s for the sake of family harmony. I am honestly on the verge of tears when we first arrive in particular, it’s so loud and unpredictable and chaotic. They bark if anyone drives up the street or anyone walks past or comes to the door. Does your boyfriend have any concept of the idea that this is not how all dogs behave and that he needs to train her? If it’s causing you this amount of upset you need to tell him you can’t spend time around his dog if it’s so out of control and that he should either train it or lose you.

He needs to walk the dog more and put some effort into training it from the sounds of things but walking would help most with the running around going mental side of things

The dog is 7 so not a puppy - but it’s more hyper than any puppy I’ve ever known.

He’s had it in training, the trainer ended up giving up. He tried a new trainer - the trainer said dog wasn’t the problem, he was.

Dog is ridiculously intelligent and you can’t relax teach it anything in minutes (I actually trained it to pass me the tv remote in 5 minutes 😂) but you cannot calm it down

If it's so trainable why has it not been trained to "lie down"?!

I hate jumpy dogs when you're trying to have a conversation or getting toys dropped at your feet to throw about.

Is it 7 with an average lifespan of 8-10 years or 7 with a 15 year plus average lifespan...

The dog needs stimulation, training and long walks. It seems like your boyfriend is not giving this dog what it needs. I can't stand bad pet owners. If he is not prepared to put the work in this dog he really needs to re-home it.

Sounds like it needs a lot of exercise, how much is it getting?

I hate dogs so I'd have dumped him after the first visit. He's obviously not going to train it properly so you need to tell him exactly why you can't be doing with it anymore

Is dog a puppy? Have you told him how you feel?

I don’t think you are compatible

If the trainer said that the dog isn’t the problem he is, I would take that as a sign about how he’s gonna be in a human relationship as well!

The dog isn't the problem and would be better off with a new knowledgeable owner. Your boyfriend sounds like he is reactive, inconsistent, unboundaried and reinforcing undesirable behaviour in the dog.

The trainer gave up on your boyfriend not the dog. I'd leave the relationship.
He is lazy now it won't get better.

Sounds like the dog is bored and the boyfriend isn't bothering to exercise it and provide enough mental stimulation. If he's been told this by trainers and not made the effort to do more, I would say that doesn't bode well for the future.